Disastrous Tragedy
by pocket dial
Summary: Life is just something they didn't expect. The complexities and complications that comes with life. LPNH
1. Stepping Backwards

The phone rang and she ignored it as usual. After the fourth ring the machine picked up. She ignored her own voice and listened for the caller.

"Hey it's me Hales, like you already don't know my voice. Guess you're not picking up. Call me later, kay? Kay. I'll be at Luke's. Take care, bye. Umm. Never mind you might know already. Just call me when you can, alright? Bye again."

She heard the sigh that came after the last bye. It must be true then just when you think hope floats around you the wind seems to blow it away. Soon a sigh of her own came out her mouth.

She sat on her bed with both hands on the photo album realizing what she was about to open up, what she was about to see. Not just old photographs of the past but a vortex to the past that led her to relive it. Hesitation shown at the hardened grip she held onto. The album still closed with one hand closing it tight as the other laid over it palm side down. She thought it over and still came up with the same conclusion she already had when she took it out of the bookshelf. Once a year she looked at the pictures even to this day it's as hard as the first time she looked at them.

It's been over almost 4 years and each year didn't get any easier. She opened it up and explored the world she has known. A world she closed off for a whole year and within seconds of glancing at the pictures the memories it held came rushing towards her. Every year it was the same. The album was non-existent until a certain date of "that month" she decides to look through them. Her fingers drawing on the picture following the outlines of their face, her curly blonde hair and his blonde spikes, his "bush of a hair" she would call it. She never got to like his baldhead so growing it out was the only option for him. He wasn't too fond of it either but it was a change he once made.

Tears fell from her eyes and streamed down along her cheeks. The hot fluid burning her cheeks as they roll down her face. Memories flooded her mind and she was sent to the past. It was as if a vortex had opened up and she jumped right in reliving her past, her high school years.

The scent of his cologne, the softness of his shirt on her skin, his lips on top of hers she remembered it all down to every single detail. His crimson buttoned up shirt and how the dialect matched her dress.

FLASHBACK

It was a Friday afternoon. Late afternoon, she was suppose to be with him already but she promised Haley a while back that she was going to help her buy a dress. "A promise is a promise" she thought to herself while walking around the mall with arms linked to each other.

"Hales do you even know what type of dress you want?"

"If I did I wouldn't be here now would I? I want to be with my guy as badly as you. But this day means a lot to Nathan and I want just the right dress."

"Fine a couple more stores."

"Thank you. I owe you. Hmm. What are you going to wear tonight?"

"Lucas and I are just going to hang out. Nothing fancy. Just my regular clothes."

"WHAT?"

"We both agreed to it."

"NO. You should get a dress and make him take you out."

"Haley, we already agreed to it. Besides today is just Hallmark and all the other card stores trying to make more money like they really need the business, right?"

"C'mon four of us double date. I'm not taking "No" for an answer. Be ready by seven. No we just have to get you a dress."

"I don't have any money with me." Trying to wriggle her way out of it.

"Just pay me back next time." She knew for sure there was no way of getting out now.

She sighed and gave in. "All right, fine."

They walked around some more and went to a few more stores. A few too many for Peyton she wanted out of the mall and into his arms. Now how was she going to tell him the bad news of there plans changing? They had their night planned out. Well not really, they knew of some things. Dinner probably movies and he'd spend the night. Okay it wasn't a thought out plan but it was enough for the two.

She looked into her bag one last time before exhaling. In her head she was juggling words on how to tell Lucas their plans or lack of plans have changed.

END OF FLASHBACK—

She was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell and a little tiny voice.

"Doorbell. I'll get it. I know who it is."

She wiped the tears off and closed the album. Running quickly to the bathroom she washed her face and soon stepped to the living room to meet the visitor. To no surprise it was he. She quickly looked down as she saw his glance. Her eyes still red from her tears she didn't want him to see her that way.

"Peyton…"

"I'll see the both of you later. Have fun."

"We'll just be a couple of hours. Then I'll be back." She knew what he meant. She shook her head still facing the ground.

The two boys headed out the door and she back to her room. It was a well-known routine. Everything in her life was good just this day was one of the hardest. This and another day, two days that was still hard to accept. But that was life and it was hers.


	2. Beautiful Wreck

She sat on her bed with her legs crossed. She reached to the side then grabbed the album and set it on her thighs. She sighed deeply before opening it once again. A single drop of tear had fallen on the plastic cover of a photograph. Their smile was both wide and big with the candles lit in the background. She wiped of her tear from the plastic and continued staring at the picture. Her mind went back, back in time when she was actually happy, truly and genuinely happy.

FLASHBACK

She opened the door to her house and a look of surprise came to her face. The living room was dim and lit with a few candles. In the center of the room was a blanket with a picnic basket and a bucket of ice filled with a bottle of champagne. She looked around but no one was too be seen. On the ground was a path of red tulips with stems leading to her bedroom. Each one she picked up before passing it by. Shadows of flickering candles had shown on her bedroom door. She stepped in slowly awaiting what scenery was to be seen.

Shocked and amazed there he was standing by her bed holding a tulip.

"A dozen to be exact. I heard you counting by the hall. Twelve." Handing her the last of the tulips.

"I thought that we weren't doing anything?"

"This is our first Valentine's together and I wanted to do something. I just…wanted it to be a surprise."

"And it was a very good surprise. The dress?" Still amazed.

"I paid for it. I had Haley help me out there."

"Thank you." Planting a kiss on his lips.

He licked his lips and tasted the lip-gloss she left on his. "Watermelon."

"I wanted to try something new."

"I'll be in the living room waiting. Don't take too long getting ready. I know how you girls like to take your time." He gave her one more kiss before exiting her room. Their tongues rummaged about their mouths. A quick soft stroke just enough to taste the other. He could still taste the lip-gloss on her.

He sat on the couch waiting patiently for her. After fifteen minutes of waiting he heard the opening of a door. "Done showering" she yelled as she ran from the bathroom to her room.

Within five minutes or so she was done. Her heels tapping on the floor as she walked towards him. Her dress matched with his shirt.

"You have really nice taste". Noticing the shirt.

"Haley helped out a lot. She picked out everything even my clothes and your dress. So, ready for our date?"

"Of course."

He turned on the CD player and let the music take over the mood of the place. It was a burnt CD by him. He chose all of her favorite songs that would go with the day. They sat on the blanket and changed the scenery of things. They looked passed the walls and the furniture's and saw something else. Whatever it was it was something they enjoyed. On a hill or a meadow with nature surrounding them.

They ate, they talked and they laughed while finishing the whole bottle of champagne. Time flew by and the two had no worries about it. Saturday was to come and there was no need to wake up early that day.

The two were tipsy she more than him. Her light body consumed more than the usual. It was a funny feeling. Kind of strange to her was it her head or was it heart?

Soft kisses led to something else and it grew more and more with each second passing by. He stood up and handed her a hand. He helped her get up and she led the way to her room.

END FLASHBACK—

"Shit has it been two hours already?" She looked at her watch and only an hour passed since the two had left.

She wiped of her tears and tried to make her face look plain. She ran quickly to the bathroom before the two could reach her. She washed her face numerous times and waited for her eyes to settle a bit more.

"Mommy, mommy" the little boy yelled all through the house.

"Honey, I'm in the bathroom." He ran straight to his mom's arms. "You're getting so big. I can barely lift you up now."

"I'm a big boy."

"Yes you are" his voice interrupting the mother and son.

"Did you have fun with your dad today?"

"Yea. He took me to the Rivercourt and they let me play with them. Daddy, Kenneth and me were on the same team. We beat Uncle Nathan and Uncle Skillz. And Uncle Nathan let me dunk the ball. Me and Kenneth got to dunk Mommy." The kid smiled with pride.

"I wished I could have seen it honey."

"Daddy could Mommy come next time we play?"

"Sure she can." He looked towards her way and she smiled a bit.

He jumped with joy and ran to his room. The two adults were left alone.

"How you holding up?" Knowing the next words that were to come out of her mouth.

She always lied when answering this question. "I'm okay." The tears started revealing itself.

He pulled her closer and hugged her tightly. "Shhhh…It's gonna be okay. It always ends up okay."

"No it doesn't. I hate this. I hate him. I hate it Lucas. I hate it all. Why? Huh why? One things for sure it all ends the fucking same. Nothing changes. Not even that."

"Hey we're still here we're not going anywhere." He calmed her down and led her inside her room.

"How can you do this every year? I'm a mess. Every time it's the same and every time you stay. I'm a fucking wreck Lucas. Everything is fucking wreck."

"But you're my beautiful wreck."


	3. Expert Advice

"My beautiful wreck." It repeated in her head. What did he mean by that? She was too tired to try and comprehend it at the moment. Too many recent restless nights to even convey it right now. She was beat and the day just keeps getting longer and longer. She lay in her bed while Lucas watched on. With her tear stained pillow she soon succumbed to sleep.

The album on her bed caught his eyes. It was something he hadn't looked at in years. Almost four years since he last saw the pictures it held. He scanned through it realizing what Peyton always looked at each year. His eyes glistened from the water it started to form. He soon spotted their kid by the doorway with a questioning look on his face. Placing a finger over his own lips he told the boy to stay quiet. The boy quietly walked towards his dad and climbed on his lap.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?" Whispering quietly as he could.

Just when he was going to answer his son the phone rang. He quickly ran to the phone while carrying him with one hand.

"Hello" whispering to the caller.

"Lucas? Ummm…. Can I talk to Peyton?"

"She fell asleep." Hurrying out of the room not wanting to wake her up to the sound of voices.

"Just tell her to call me. I want to be the one to tell her. Okay?"

"Alright. I might be home later than I thought. Don't wait up."

"I never do." Laughing. "Is she okay?"

"She will be. Don't worry alright? You have your own to stuff to take care off."

"I know but she's my friend. It's what friends do. What about you are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be? He misses you Hales."

"Did he tell you this?"

"He didn't have to. His game sucked, talk to him?"

"I just think we really need this space. You know? Besides I wasn't the one who wanted this he did."

"I don't want to but in but…"  
"We'll be okay. Just worry about yourself."

"Okay. I have to go. Me and the kiddo didn't eat lunch yet. You know how little kids get when they don't eat all their meals. Grumpy."

"Grumpy" the both said simultaneously.

"Bye Hales."

"Hi and bye Aunt Haley."

"Bye Nicholas behave for your dad."

"Yes Aunt Haley." Handing the phone back to his dad and running to the kitchen.

"Bye Lucas." He hung up the phone and followed the little boy.

He saw the short little blonde looking through the pantry.

"Daddy I want noodles." Pointing to the can of chicken noodles.

"How about we make it ourselves? Do you want to help?"

"Yay! Mommy don't like it when I'm in the kitchen when she cooks."

"Just keep your voice down. We don't want to wake up Mommy. We'll surprise her with soup okay buddy?"

"Okay."  
Lucas placed his son on the counter where he can view everything that was being done.

"Can I help?"

"Sure. Hmm. How about you get all the things I need to cook?"

"Just as long as I can reach it."

"Hmm…tell you what. How about you carry the stuff back to the counter?"

"Sounds fun. Mommy never lets me do that with her. She says it's too dange….dange. It's a big word. I can't say it."

"Dangerous?"

"Yea." Nodding his head.

The two boys walked about the kitchen gathering all the items and ingredients they would be using for the chicken soup. Lucas handed the little boy things he could carry with him. The little boy carried the vegetables with a smile on his face as he followed his dad all through out the kitchen. On the counter he set the all vegetables and the chicken that needed to be cut. By the stove he set the box of noodles that had to be boiled. He went on cutting as the boy on the counter looked on.

"How did you learn how to cook?"

"From your grandma."

"Where did grandma learn to cook" curiosity captured the boys mouth.

"From her parents and she thought herself how to."

"What about Mommy. How did she learn?"

"From Grandma, Grandpa and TV. Definitely a lot from TV."

"She says too much TV is bad."

"What else does she say?"

"She told me not to tell you if you ever ask me that question." Sticking his tongue out at his dad.

"Do you want the tickle monster to come out?"

"Uh-uh." Shaking his head.

Forty-five minutes later the food was cooked. The two sat on the kitchen table eating. Nicholas made a mess around his bowl blowing out the heat.

"Daddy my food is to hot."

"Blow on it before you put it in your mouth."

Lucas laughed at the boy when most of the soup splattered out of the spoon and into the table.

"Don't blow to hard you want food left on your spoon." Laughing at the site in front of him.


	4. Dangerous Curves

"Go wash up in the bathroom. Be quiet and don't wake up your mom." Taking the bowls from the table and putting them in the sink.

He walked quietly in the halls not trying to wake up his mom. He washed his hand as quietly as he could at first but the slippage of soap caused a loud disastrous thud knocking down several items along its path. It slipped of the little guys' hand and slid through a bunch of the necessities Peyton had near the sink. Her deodorant fell knocking down her bottle of facial lotion to the floor. It echoed through the hall and into her room. The sudden loud sound woke her up from her sleep. The noise had echoed in the hall and into her room interrupting her peaceful calm she had been in.

"Nicholas?" Groggily she called from her room.

"I'm sorry Mommy, I was just washing my hand" picking up the items that fell.

He ran towards his mom's room. She was looking in the photo album and realized she just left it about. She knew he had looked at it, every time she looked at it she would always close afterwards. She stared at the page and her eyes got teary.

Lucas heard the commotion and stopped the running water.

"Mommy…"

She looked up and saw her son standing by the door. He had so much similar features as his dad. He had his blonde hair and his eyes were an ice blue color in some angles it looked gray. He had a saddened look on his face.

"It's okay honey."

"I'm sorry for waking you up." A pout came over his face.

"Hey don't cry, honey. Come here." Patting on the bed.

He walked over and climbed up to the bed.

"Mommy?"

"Yea, honey?"

"Why do you and daddy cry when you look at those pictures?"

"What do you mean?"

"Daddy's eyes were like yours when he was looking at the pictures." Wiping the tears away from his mom's eyes.

Lucas now stood outside the doorway hearing the last part of the conversation. The pictures, that day his mind went back. He could still remember that night like it was the day before. He closed his eyes and let the tears roll down his cheeks.

FLASHBACK--

The closing of the door made his heart pound even faster. "Lucas" she called out but no one else was to be heard. The floor creaked with each step she took. As she got closer the sound of her voice got louder. "Four, five, six…" his palm sweated and beads formed on his forehead. "Eleven" his composure stayed for a while longer than he thought. Her face entered the room and his smile grew longer.

"Twelve." His heart was pounding to fast the sound muted the rest of his voice.

END FLASHBACK--

Even to this day he doesn't remember what he said before twelve. He was nervous more than the usual. He wiped his tears.

"Did Daddy say anything about the pictures?"

"No I just saw him staring. His eyes, they were like yours. What's in there?" Pointing at the album.

"Just old pictures of me and your dad when we were together. Back when we were younger. You'll understand someday."

He understood it now. Why she looked at the photo album every year. Just why she did it, he never asked her though, it was just her thing. He guessed wrong all these times but it all became clear to him today. He can still feel the touch of her lips. He wiped his lips and thought back to that night.

FLASHBACK--

"Watermelon." It was different, a different good.

A few candles lit her room and a few more lit the living room. Blanket on the floor adorned by a picnic basket, two glasses and a bucket of ice with a bottle of champagne. The bottle was quickly consumed in less than an hour.

He offered her hand helping her get up from the floor. She got up and led him to her room. Her heels clicked with each step that she made. He closed the door behind him and the room lit up even more so.

She stepped off her shoes and she was a few inches shorter than him again. He graced her face with his hands and his lips gently caressed hers. Her right palm hovered over his chest, the beating of his heart pounded on her hand. She backed away for a quick second and bit her lip. With his hands over her they both removed his jacket. She stood back and watched him unbutton his shirt. He watched her closely as she helped him with the button on his cuffs. The shirt fell on top of the jacket and they locked lips once again. His hands dropped to the outline of her neck and down to her shoulder. He held the straps of her dress and slid it across her shoulders. She let her arms swing down letting her dress flow away from her body. He traced along her curvaceous form sending warm feelings all through her body. This night was different not like their first time. He was more nervous than ever and so was she.

He devoured her body with his mouth. Attacking all of her weak points, she ached for him even more so. The sound that escaped her mouth rang through his ears and all over the room. He gave in and he clouded over the entirety of her body. She swung her hips up meeting his thrust. They bonded as one with their bodies intertwined. He held her hands in his, she gripped it with ease then a gentle squeeze now and then when he excited her.

END FLASHBACK--

He ran back quietly to the kitchen when he heard the two getting of the bed. He went back to washing the dishes pretending he didn't hear their footsteps because of the running water.

"Did Nicholas wake you?" Turning to face the both of them.

"The soap slipped out of my hands."

"It's okay kiddo, I was hungry anyways."

"Me and daddy cooked chicken noodle soup. My favorite."

"Thanks you two."

"Mommy can he stay over for dinner?"

She looked at him and Lucas just stared back. "Did you ask him first?"

He shook his head no.

"I'll stay. Do you want to cook with me again?"

"Let's go out!" Jumping up and down the air.


	5. Dealing With Life

"Get ready we'll go to Rivercourt before we eat."

"Can Mommy go with us this time? She said she was gonna."

"Peyton?"

"I'll go." She needed to get out of the house. Everything just saddened her.

"Hurry up kiddo." Chasing him out of the room.

Lucas watched him enter his and he turned back around to Peyton who stood in the middle of the kitchen with arms crossed and eyes watery.

"Hey." Giving her a much-needed hug. "It's gonna be okay." Lucas noticed the photo album from the room that now sat on the kitchen table.

"Thought you'd like to see it."

He raised his brow. "How could have she known" thinking to himself.

"Nicholas saw you. Asked me why Daddy had the same eyes I did when I was looking through it."

"Peyton…"

"It was your past too. Go ahead."

He walked towards the table and opened the photo album. There it was the pictures he saw earlier. Peyton stood by him while he looked through the album. A tear dropped on the back of his hand and it surely wasn't from his own eyes.

FLASHBACK  
The song continued echoing all through the house. He held her hand as they walked towards her room. Making out all the way through not stopping for a moment not even for air.

…_Discover me  
__Discovering you_

Their hands roamed freely under and over the clothes they adorned. Her hand on his head as he kissed her neck and down her shoulder. Empty clothes soon rested on the floor of her room.

_One mile to every inch of  
__Your skin like porcelain_

His lips upon her naked body he devoured every inch of her. A trail of wet kisses marked from forehead to her inner thighs.

_One pair of candy lips and  
__Your bubblegum tongue_

He met her face to face and they kissed lips to lips. Numerous times their tongues touched. Her watermelon flavor lip-gloss stayed in his mouth.

_And if you want love  
__We'll make it  
__Swimming a deep sea  
__Of blankets  
__Take all your big plans  
__And break 'em  
__This is bound to be a while_

Her hips touched his. Legs spread apart with him in between. He penetrated into her and a deep faint sound left her body. Blankets we're all over but never once covering them.

_Your body Is a wonderland  
__Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)  
__Your body Is a wonderland_

Every single inch of his body caressed hers. Her nails dug through with the buzz still in her head. They went with the beat of the song.

_Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face  
__I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase  
__You tell me where to go and  
__Though I might leave to find it  
__I'll never let your head hit the bed  
__Without my hand behind it…_

He moved the curls that blocked her eye. She turned towards it and kissed his hand. They danced horizontally, him on top of her.

…_I know you're mine all mine all mine  
__But you look so good it hurts sometimes…_

A warmth sensation left him and entered her. Everything they knew changed.  
END FLASHBACK

"That was our first and last Valentine's Day. I'm sorry Peyton."

"We were young and…I have no regrets about that night." She paused before talking again. "We're lucky to have him."

"C'mon Mommy, let's go Daddy."

She wiped her tears away and looked back at the little kid. "I love you kiddo." She whispered to the air. The phone interrupted her thoughts.

"Hello…hey man…yea hold on…." Lucas answered. He covered the mic on the phone. "Peyton…it's…"

She nodded her head and grabbed the phone from him. "Hello"

"Hey baby I missed you"

"Hey I missed you, too" her cheeks slightly blushing at the thought.

"How are you and Nicholas? Is Lucas watching out for you guys?"

"Yea I'm okay. Nicholas is okay. We're okay. I don't need a babysitter you know."

"I know you don't I just don't want you by yourself especially now. I just wished that I was there you know?

"Don't worry about it. How's your grandma?"

"She's better now. She wants to meet you when we get back in Tree Hill."

"When's that?" Her heart started to race and was feeling a bit nervous in the pit of her stomach.

"In a couple of days. I have to go she's waking up. Can I talk to Lucas real quick?"

"Yea." She handed the phone to Lucas.

"Yea, Jason?"

"I don't want to put you out again. But do you think you can stay for the night. Just to watch her, I don't want her alone especially tonight. I know you've always been there for her every year and I don't want to get in the way of that."

"It's cool man. I don't mind besides gives me time to spend with my son."

"Yea…let me talk to Peyton."

"Alright."

"Hi baby. I have to go now…Nana is waking up. I love you."

"I love you, too."

It hurt him to hear those words from her. She's clearly moved on in some ways he has but she would always have a piece of his heart.

"Ready?" He asked the two.

The little kid jumped up and down trying to give his dad a high five. He kept moving it higher and higher as the little boy neared his hand.

"Yea." She answered picking up the keys to her car.

"I'll drive" he called out asking for her keys.

She wasn't in the mood so she tossed the keys over to him. He drove to the Rivercourt and parked under the tree. It was late afternoon on a hot summer day. The sun was going to be out for a couple more hours. Nicholas had the ball ready in hand; he ran to the court and made his first shot.

"Me and Mommy versus you."

"You got yourself a game. Ready?"

"Yea." The two yelled simultaneously.

Peyton wasn't the best basketball player even her son was better. She was much better at standing at the sidelines with pom-poms in hand. It wasn't much of a fair game the once the little boy neared the hoop his dad was there to block his shot. Lucas had an unfair advantage over the two.

"No fair, you're way taller than me." He pouted.

"Pass it to me next time." Peyton called out to her son.

The little boy smiled as he stole the ball from his dad. He ran as fast as he could and tossed the ball to his mom. Lucas had a quicker pace and he was there as soon as the ball landed on her hand. She dribbled the ball and ran away from him. Her curls bounced on her shoulders as she did so. He ran slowly after her giving her time to reach the hoop. His arms locked around her waist and pulled her back. Nicholas ran to the basket and made the shot. Peyton screamed in excitement and tried to loosen Lucas' grip. He held her tightly and she squirmed as he tickled her.

"Hey Aunt Haley." Nicholas waved.

The two adults stared at Haley and Peyton backed away from Lucas quickly.

"How long have you been standing there?" She asked her friend.

"Long enough" she passed through the two boys and walked towards the blonde girl. "Hey you okay?"

The two walked towards the bleachers.

"You two looked cozy" smiling a bit as she said it "more like flirtatious".

She elbowed the girl in curls playfully.

"You know there's this guy named Jason who is now in my life."

"I'm just teasing you. You never answered…" she was cut off.

"Same as always. Why does everyone ask?"

"Because we care. We just want to know. What's so wrong about that?"

"Nothing I guess, just that when you hear it too much you start to lose it you know?"

"I get it. Next topic. How are you and Jason?"

"We're good. Who knew right?"

They looked towards the two boys playing. Haley just nodded her head.

"How are you and Nathan? Sorry I didn't pick up earlier it's just that…I just…"

"It's okay, I understand. I guess we're officially separated."

"Meaning?"

"We're not living in the same house as of right now."

"I'm sorry Hales."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. Unless you cheated with him or something."

The two girls giggled at the thought.

"How'd we end up here?"

"Me and Nathan married? You and Lucas having a kid together but aren't together? It's called life."


	6. Standing By Fire

It was their usual Friday night, after a while it just became their thing; they made it into "family night". Well it was sort of a family. Mom, dad and son except for the fact that the mom and dad weren't exactly quiet together. It started out with a trip to the Rivercourt with a game of basketball and sometimes Peyton would join in or she would root on the sidelines just like her high school days. She would cheer more for Nicholas but it was all in fun. After the game they would drive down to Karen's Café and eat there. Then catch up with Karen, Haley, Nathan, Skillz and his son Kenneth. If Nicholas weren't tired they would go by the pier and go to the arcade. They just started doing that but that little kid loved his video games. From time to time others would go with them and they'd do a bit more catching up.

"It doesn't get any easier does it?"

"How do you do it Skillz?" She let out a sigh before letting the tears fall.

"You just do…you have to move on…I know it doesn't get any easier…even with all these years passing by." He looked her way and the blonde girl just closed her eyes letting it all flow away before turning around and facing the water once again.

"It isn't fair…just…how are you suppose to get past it…or deal with it…I just can't keep doing this…it gets too hard with each year" pausing every now as she tries to hold back.

"You don't have to do it all alone Peyton. You have us…" eyeing his friend. "You have me, Lucas, Nathan, Hales and Jason."

"Sometimes I still feel alone. You know? It's just to hard…" her voice trailed off.

"Peyton it wasn't your fault. You can't keep blaming yourself…things…" he was cut off by her.

"WHAT? SHIT happens…"

"Peyton it's not what I meant…it hurts like hell to lose someone but you have to move on. You're not the only one who lost someone alright…"

"I'm sorry…it's just….it's just not fair…"

"Then stop blaming yourself for their deaths. It isn't your fault…you weren't the other car that hit your moms and you weren't the pilot that…"

"…killed my dad. If it weren't for me he wouldn't be dead. He was coming to see me graduate because I begged him to be there. For him not to miss it…I wanted him there so badly. You know he told me he would be no matter what…that he wouldn't miss it for the world. Even if it meant dragging that ship across the sea…he would come just to see me. They were both coming for me. I'm the reason why they died." Her legs wobbly Skillz caught her mid air.

"It's alright Peyton…just let it out" he held her in his arms and let the girl cry her heart out. "It'll be okay…"

She cried continuously still trying to hold it in.

"It's okay Peyton…just keep the tears coming…it's better to let them go than to hold on to them. You're not alone. You have your baby boy Nicholas. You always will…he's a part of you Peyton. You're little offspring…and you're the offspring of two wonderful parents who will always be watching you. There always with you."

She cracked a smile as she heard the last word. "Thanks."

"Anytime you need to talk, I'm here."

Silent was around as they both stared out the pier. Waves crashing into each other as a cool breeze blew on their face.

"So how's everything else?" Turning to face her as he asked.

"You mean Jason and I?" Lifting one brow up.

"Maybe. We already talked about one matter and I don't think you're up to going back to that subject now are you?"

"We're good…better actually. I love him…something I thought wouldn't happen and it did."

"That's good for you Peyton. It shows you know, you seem to glow when you talk about him."

She blushed at the thought. She really did love him.

* * *

The two adults watched the little kid as they had their conversation. 

"How's Haley?" Nathan asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that since she's your wife?"

"I don't need your lecture…I just want to know how she is, alright? I don't want this for me and her but sometimes I just need to know." His tone changed, a hint of frustration showing.

"It's only what day 1 or 2 of your separation? She was at the Rivercourt earlier before you arrived. I'm guessing she knew you would show up so she left. Other than that I think you know how she's doing."

"It's only night 1 and it's already hard…I think I made a mistake asking for a separation."

"Just go talk to her, it can't be that bad. I still haven't really talked to her…"

"It's alright you have your plate full already. How is she?"

"The usual every year feeling she gets at this time. It doesn't get any easier for her you know. I just wish there was something I can do for her."

"You already have" the blond girl answered surprising the two.

"Sup man. When'd you get here?" The tall brunette asked.

"Just brought by Kenneth to play. He's somewhere...here." Looking around in search of his son.

"So you left your son to play while you talk to some girl?" Joking around with one of his best friends.

"Not just any girl but the beautiful Peyton."

She blushed and hit him on his chest.

"Okay…I'll leave you guys to talk. Any more quarters left or did you two boys finish it?"

"Didn't even start." Handing of his coins over to her. She still gave him the chills. Their hands brushed up together as he placed the coins in her hand. He exhaled softly and watched her walk away towards the two little boys.


	7. Waiting To Fall

The night moved quickly and Nicholas grew weary from all the excitement that happened within the last 24 hours. During the ride home the little blonde fell asleep in the backseat of his mom's car.

"Looks like Nicholas had fun today." Peyton said while looking at the backseat.

"Yup. Two trips to the Rivercourt and arcade he's a pretty lucky kid."

"That he is." Nodding along as she answered.

He pulled over to the driveway and put the car cover up.

"I'll get Nicholas." Handing her over the keys.

"Where are we?" the little kid asked groggily.

"It's okay just go back to sleep. Where at home now."

He closed his eyes and fell back asleep. Lucas carried him to his room and placed the little boy on his bed. Peyton watched as the father covered his son with the blanket. She stood by the doorway and waited for him to notice her watching.

"You're a really good dad, you know that?"

He blushed "I try. You know I swore never to be like Dan. How can you just abandon a child?"

"I know. You're no where near him, you're twice the man he was."

"Thanks." Smiling. "How are you?" Walking towards the hallway and into the living room. "You hungry?"

"No, still full from your mom's place." Rubbing her stomach indicating she was still filled with food. "Honestly you know I thought it would get easier especially with all these years passing by us. But every time it hurts like the first time I heard the news that my dad was gone."

"It won't help if you just holding everything in Peyton."

"But I do let it out. I talk to you about."

"Yea like what once a year? You know if you ever need to talk I'm here. I'm a few blocks down the street, or just a phone call away. It's that simple Peyton."

"I know. So, are you staying tonight?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Please."

"Alright. Um…want to watch a bit of TV or something?"

"Yea I don't think I can sleep anyways."

"I'll look for a DVD. Those long chick flicks always put you to sleep."

"Meet Joe Black. That should put me to sleep."

"You just like the beginning where the two flirt."

"It's cute." She answered giggling.

She sat on the couch and waited for Lucas to set up the DVD player.

"This stupid piracy thing takes forever. Like people don't burn DVD's."

"Stop it you know it doesn't fast forward on this part."

"Well it doesn't hurt to try. You'll never know maybe one of these days it just might work."

"Yea in your dreams."

"Well this guy can dream." Smiling as he closed his eyes.

"Dreams over. Movie is starting."

"You look pretty tired you wanna lay down?"

"Do you mind?"

"When have I?"

She put the pillow on his lap and lay on top of it. Right after he favorite scene Peyton's eyes closed and sleep won the battle. Lucas watched a bit more of the movie giving Peyton more time to sleep before moving her to her room. Thirty minutes into the movie it started to bore Lucas as well. He got up slowly not waking up Peyton and carried her to her room. Her eyes fluttered as her head hit the pillow.

"Go back sleep." He said.

"Thanks Lucas." Succumbing to sleep once again.

He woke up to find the two had gone out. A note was left on the coffee table: "You know where to find us. It's 7:30 right now and you know how long I stay there. Meet us if you wake up early. Peyton."

He looked at his watch it was 7:50. He still had time it only took 15 minutes to get there. He got up and headed towards the bathroom and got ready to go out.

Within five minutes he was out the door and into the car. He drove the whole way through with the radio off. Not much cars were on the road it was too early on a weekend. He got there faster than usual. He spotted her car and parked right behind her. Quietly he walked towards where she would be.

"Daddy, daddy." The little boy shouted as he saw his dad walking towards them.

"Shhh…" placing a finger over his lips.

Peyton was sitting on the ground looking down on the marble stones that had her parents name engraved on them. She whispered the inscriptions as Lucas placed a hand on her shoulder. One hand on Peyton's shoulder and the other holding Nicholas' hand. Tears rolled of her eyes and frustration, sadness, pain came out of her mouth.

"Why did you leave me? Huh? WHY DID YOU GUYS LEAVE ME? I WAS JUST A KID WHEN YOU LEFT MOM. I WAS ONLY NINE. I BARELY LIVED AND YOU WERE GONE. THEN DAD, DAD LEFT ME TOO. I WAS BARELY 18 WHEN HE WAS GONE. I CAN'T KEEP FUCKING DOING THIS. I JUST CAN'T."

FLASHBACK

"I promise honey. I'll be there tomorrow. I won't miss you walk across that stage." Convincing his only daughter how much he loved her.

"You promise daddy?"

"Even if I had to swim across this water just to get back home I will. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, love you."

"Love you to daddy and I'll see you tomorrow."

"I promise, bye honey."

It was graduation day and she hadn't heard from her dad. He was going to call before he got in the plane just to let her know that he was on the way. She waited until two in the morning and no phone call was made. Her eyelids fell and soon she was asleep.

She waited for her name to be called, as she grew more anxious. Her stomach was barely visible and not much people knew of her pregnancy. She met his eyes and a smile came to his face. She smiled back and walked across the stage grabbing her diploma from the principal. On the way back to her seat she searched the crowd for dad but he was nowhere to be seen. Karen waved at the young girl and she smiled and continued on to her seat. She waited impatiently for the rest of the students to be called and soon found herself roaming the crowd searching for dad but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Congratulations Peyton." Karen said surprising blonde.  
Behind her was her son. A person she hasn't really talked to in a while and there he was now looking like shit.

"I'll leave you guys to talk." She gave her son a thank you expression and stepped away in to the crowd.

"What's wrong?" The female asked.

"I'm sorry Peyton…I just wish I didn't have to tell you this…but my mom just told me something you won't like…your dad….he wanted to surprise by coming in early….so he called my mom to pick him up at the airport….but the plane never came…I'm sorry Peyton….your dad's plane crashed."

"WHAT? DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME?"

"I wished I was. I'm sorry Peyton…I'm sorry."

She fell to the ground and all the boy can do was watch. He sat by her and held her.

END FLASHBACK

"IT WAS ALL MY FUCKING FAULT. I WAS BEING SELFISH LIKE ALWAYS. I WANTED HER TO BE THE ONE TO PICK ME UP AT SCHOOL. I SHOULD HAVE WALKED BUT I DIDN'T. I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED HIM TO GO TO MY GRADUATION. HE WAS HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD. HE SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE. HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE AND SO WOULD SHE AND NOW I'M ALL FUCKING ALONE." She pounded on the ground and cryed all she could. She was defeated and lost. She was Peyton Sawyer.


	8. Old Desires

He never heard such words come out of his mom's mouth. The anger and the pain that he could never understand until he was much older. It spooked the little kid.

"Daddy, I'm scared." Running to his dad's arms.

"It's okay. Do you want to hang out with Uncle Nathan today?"

"Yea."

"Don't bother calling me man. Skillz and I were prepared and thought we'd swing by early."

"Thanks. Take Nicholas and my car. I'll call you guys later."

"Bye daddy. Bye mommy."

Lucas watched all four as they left. Nathan driving Lucas' car with Nicholas and Skillz with his son driving his own car.

Lucas walked towards the now motionless Peyton. She laid on top of the grave stones shedding her tears.

Finally she spoke "You can leave. Everyone does." Catching him off guard.

"I want to stay."

"You'll leave eventually. It's just a matter of time."

"Peyton. Don't do this. I don't want to argue with you. I'm staying."

"STAY, LEAVE. IT'S ALL THE SAME. I'M ALWAYS ALONE."

"You have Nicholas and you have me."

"I'M A FUCKED UP MOTHER YOU KNOW THAT. I HAVE A WONDERFUL KID AND STILL FIND MYSELF ALONE. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?"

"You're one of the best mom's I know. Don't beat yourself up Peyton. It's not your fault."

"THAT'S RIGHT. I CAN'T GET PREGNANT ON MY OWN NOW CAN I?"

She stood up and walked pass him.

"Where you going?" Grabbing her arm.

"AWAY FROM HERE."

"Running away isn't going to help. It's alright if you let people help you. It doesn't make you weak."

"AND WHAT! THAT'S RIGHT YOU'RE MR. SUPERHERO AND CAN MAKE ALL THIS PAIN GO AWAY! THAT YOU CAN BRING THEM BACK AND ERASE ALL THE SHIT THAT'S HAPPENED! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? GUESS WHAT YOU AREN'T AND EVERY FUCKING YEAR IT HURTS EVEN MORE."

"It's okay to cry but you have to let it out instead of holding it all in." Her body shook and her legs gave out on her.

"I'm taking you home." Carrying her to the car.

She was exhausted and she let her guard down. "Thanks Lucas." Giving up the battle with her tears.

His shirt soaked from her tears he simply smiled and set her down in her car.

"I'm sorry, Lucas."

"Don't be. Take you home?"

"Please."

The drive home was quiet and she soon fell asleep. Tears fell to his pants as he gave up on fighting the tears back. It was hard for him to see her like that every year. He felt for her and didn't know what else to do. He just remained by her side year after year. It was all he can do.

* * *

The two cars parked beside the court. A short brunette walked away from the scene trying to ignore, more of avoid a situation she wished she didn't put herself in. 

"Haley wait up." Calling out to his wife.

"I have to go. I'll let you guys play basketball." Turning back around.

"Wait I need to talk to you." The word need made her stop dead in her tracks. She needed him as much as he needed her. "Skillz do you mind watching Nicholas for a bit?"

"Go ahead. I think I can handle the two rugrats."

"I'm not a rugrat daddy."

"I'm not either uncle Skillz. What is a rugrat?"

"Let's just play ball alright you two?"

"Yay!" The two young boys yelled in excitement.

"Nathan. I should go…ummm. I'm gonna go."

"Haley. I don't want this, alright?"

"You asked for the separation not me."

"I DID? Who shut out whom? I wasn't the one to build up the walls between us."

"What are you talking about?" Sounding annoyed by his tone.

"That wall you built up the one that blocks me from reach to my own wife. When we're together you don't want to talk. You use to let me in Hales. What happened to that?"

"I still do."

"No you don't. Your music, you use to let me hear you sing. How you use to want me around while you're writing or just messing around with your keyboards. Now when you do that you want to be alone all the time. You don't even sing around me anymore."

"I do sing." Trying to convince herself even more so.

"When was the last time you sang in front of me or wrote while I was in the same room with you?"

She paused for a while and tried to think of an answer. Nothing came to mind. Not recently.

"See you can't even answer that because you don't know. I'm not asking for much Hales. I just want us to be in that place we use to be."

"And where's that?"

"In love."

* * *

She lay peacefully in bed, eyes closed with no worries. With all the turmoil in her world peace wasn't part of her and never will be. 

"Lucas…" She said groggily.

"Yea?"

"I need you to stay with me."

"Are you sure…it's just that…."

"Please."

He lay by her feeling uneasy more than usual. She turned towards him and buried her face on his chest. She had someone else and being with her felt weird for him. He tried to take his mind of it but that didn't help any. He went back a year when things changed for him and her again.

FLASHBACK--

Her face was deep in my chest as I felt the warm tears soak through on my shirt. She cried quietly as I tried to comfort her the best of my ability. She looked up and thanked me with a half open smile. Our eyes remained on each other and my heart stop beating.

Her lips felt soft against mines but this was wrong. We shouldn't be kissing, she was in pain, she needed my help but I needed her. I wanted her.

"Peyton, this is wrong."

"Then how come it feels so good?"

She continued kissing me and I did nothing to stop her this time. I wanted her even more. Her kisses were soft and kind, as she placed them on my chest and abdominal. Her body was gentle as she rested on top of me. It was warm and inviting. I felt the tingles on the pit of my stomach as she reached my neck once again. Her tongue was softly on mines and her hand covered the plate of my chest right above my heart.

"Don't be nervous." She whispered in my ears. "We've done this before."

Her words were soothing. I think it was more for her than it was for me. Her mind was at peace. It was even with the world.

I heard the unzipping of my pants and my heart raced furiously.

"Peyton?"

"Top drawer." She ignored everything and I was sucked back in as I felt her mouth cover me. The guilt completely washed away as her performance enhanced. I found myself trashing her hair forgetting everything else other than her and me. She knew my weak spots and my pleasure points. There were signs she always saw when I was about to come.

She stopped and I walked off to the bathroom. I eradicated myself of all fluid and walked back to the room. She stood there with nothing but a condom in hand.

I questioned her. "Are you sure?" I walked up to her waiting for her to answer.

"I need you Lucas…I want you…" whispering it into my ear.

I felt the rubber being slipped on as she wasted no time. She was in tears about her parents one minute and the next she wanted me. I was still confused but she kept pulling me back in.

"Please." It was a plea for something and I wasn't sure what of. "Make me forget this pain." She erased the pain with the pleasure she wanted to feel. She wanted it, she needed it and there was no stopping her.

I kissed her softly on her lips as I inserted myself in her. A sigh escaped her mouth as if everything was okay. Her eyes were mesmerizing I fell each time I looked at them. She smiled at me as we swayed our hips. She was compassionate with her moves and it was hypnotic to my hips. She was vital to my own movement she controlled me somehow. A burning feeling soon entered my back as sweat peered through our skin. Even her sweat was nice on the tongue. I pushed harder deepening myself in her. Her nail penetrated my back even further and her hips bucked with mines. I smiled at her showing all my pearly whites as she relentlessly called out my name.

It wasn't until days later we finally talked about what happened. Even then things turned out for the worse.

"Lucas, it was just a moment of weakness." Hope flushed down the toilet.

END FLASHBACK--

Another guy stood on the frame of the door. There he found the two blondes sound asleep on his fiancés bed. It was suppose to be him holding her like that, not Lucas. It should have been him that helped her through this but it wasn't him. It was Lucas. It was always had and always will be.


	9. Hurt Me Always

She awakened to his touch. His hand soft and arms tight around her body. She left her eyes closed and shut even tighter trying to keep focus on the fact that it wasn't real. Her nervousness spewed out over her breath as he moved in his sleep. He moaned out and curled his body closer to hers, pushing her in to him. Fitting just right in the form of his shape. She shivered to the feel of his air on her neck. It was warm and soothing yet dangerous and appealing. It was wrong to want him the same way he wanted her.

"I couldn't. I wouldn't. I won't." She thought to herself.

He was a deep sleeper. A hurricane could pas by and he still wouldn't wake. She turned her body facing him and watched the expression on his face as contentment settled over. A slight smile came on the side of his mouth as he hugged her tighter.

She closed her eyes and held on tight to him. Tears flowed out and into his shirt.

FLASHBACK--

Prom night came too fast and the end of the school year was passing by in a blink of an eye. It was all to sudden and everything was spiraling down quick. Her mind wondered around and nothing was going right or so it seems. Emotions were on a high and everything was times twenty than the usual.

"Lucas I don't want to go to the Prom anymore. It's a bad idea. I fee like everyone is going to be staring at me the whole night. I just feel so….I don't know the word but I just don't feel good."

"Peyton. No one knows about your pregnancy. No one can even tell. Haley can't even tell and she doesn't even know. No one knows. It will be fun. You're too worried. You look gorgeous in that dress and I want everyone to see you."

"Why would you want to everyone to see this whale?"

"Peyt, you're not a whale, a blimp, a walrus, or an elephant. None of that, you're beautiful and pretty as hell. Your dress does you nothing. You can go in brown sack and you'd still be beautiful just like how you always are."

"You're just being nice 'cause you have to."

"No I'm being nice because there is no way I can be mean to you. It just won't happen. I won't let it and it never will. Besides the baby inside of you makes the aura around you glow even more. There's no way you can be 'unattractive.'" Kissing her forehead lightly and then down the tip of her nose.

"You always seem to know what to say. Thanks Lucas. I guess I'm just being too paranoid."

"This is our last event of high school we should enjoy it. It's now or never."

"What if I can't Lucas? I mean. We're just kids having a kid."

"I think we're going to be okay. Just take it one day at a time."

"I hope you're right. Lucas, can I ask you something?"

"You just did." Laughing lightly at his joke.

"I'm serious…"

"Go ahead." Squeezing her hand gently.

"Can I ask you not to drink tonight? I mean with the after party and all…"

"I wasn't planning to. You don't have to worry about anything. Tonight will be fun. Let's enjoy it. Okay?"

"Alright."

"How did your picture turn out?" Haley asked the nervous blonde.

"I'm not sure. Does this dress make me look fat?"

"Are you serious? I'd love to be you right now. If you want fat take a look at me."

"Hales you look great. Pretty I might add."

"Hitting on my wife?" Nathan added.

"Who knows I might get lucky with her tonight. Right Hales." Winking at her friend.

"Sorry Nathan but Peyton does look hot in that dress."

"Back off Hales. That's my girl you're talking about." Interrupting the group as he sat on the chair beside Peyton.

They all chuckled at jokes and what not.

"This year went by quick." Talking to no one in particular as the spikey blonde boy looked around the crowd. "Care to dance, my lady?" Offering his arms to Peyton.

"How cheesy was that? But I'd love to."

They danced closer than anyone. Their body was radiating heat him more than her. His breath funked up a liquid he shouldn't have consumed.

"You drank?" questioning his intentions.  
Brooke interrupted. "I spiked his drink. Thought he could use some fun."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Just promise me you won't anymore. Please?"

"I promise. Just keep me away from the people with alcohol. I think I drank way too much already.

The after party got even worse for the couple. Lucas was hard to spot with all the crowds that formed within a matter of minutes. One moment they were hand in hand the next they were in separate rooms. People kept offering comments on how wonderful her dressed look and how beautiful it went with her. The color and her complexion how it matched so great. Thirty minutes wasted on random conversations and useless hellos.

She finally spotted her date in the middle of the crowd holding a red cup and a shot glass in the other. He caught her eye but it did nothing to stop him from drinking it. She glared down and walked away.

"Peyton wait up." Running after his girlfriend. "Peyton I'm sorry. They wanted me to. I'm not drunk."

"I didn't ask if you were. Can we just get out of here? All this smoke and stench is making me queasy."

"Umm. Can you go with Haley I'll catch up."

"Never mind I'll walk by myself."

"Just wait a couple more minutes. I just need a few more shots we have a contest going on."

"I guess. I'll be here."

She waited outside with the cold breeze swinging her way. It sent shivers all through her body and suddenly goose bumps formed on her arms.

"He's taking a bit too long." She thought.

She went inside and 15 minutes passed since they had talk. She can hear his words. His yelling over took the crowd. He mumbled in coherent stuff. Nothing made any sense.

"Peyon. Lob of wife."

"Lucas…"

"Every gader 'roun. I lob 'er."

"Can we just go? Please?" Tears formed in her eyes.

"Join. Drink."

She stared at him thinking he would be able to read her. She was wrong. He was too drunk and nothing got to him.

"Why not?"

"I can't. I don't want to."

"Prenant ger. Part pooper."

The music stopped and everyone's jaw dropped. Everyone stared at her. Stared her down was what it felt like. She grew angry at him and she left. No words were said between anyone just a crowd full of stares. Eyes followed her as she walked out the house. She had no intentions of turning around and going back in there. Everything was coming down and it was all going down around her. She was barely 18 and pregnant. No one knew but their parents. They decided to wait after graduation before giving everyone else the news. I guess not anymore.

END FLASHBACK--


	10. Hopefully Despaired

She opened her eyes only too see Lucas tear stained shirt. She remembered that night so clearly and how it ruined the two of them. She examined his face. He was a man now he wasn't the guy from before the guy that did that to her the guy that hurt her he changed, he grew up. She closed her eyes once again trying to turn away from him. But his hold on her was tight. She couldn't move. She was stuck.

FLASHBACK--

Her pillow was soaked from all the tears she cried the night before. She wished it were all a dream that somehow it was just all a bad joke. She wanted to wake up next to him. His arms around her comforting her the way it always does. Still in her prom dress she decided to see her boyfriend. It was too early but she didn't care. She wanted to set things right and wanted every doubts in her mind to go away and he was the one to do that.

She parked her car on the curb right in front of their house. Somehow it felt different. It was the first time they haven't spent the night together ever since her pregnancy. She was nervous. It was sort of their first fight. Which made it even worse. He was drunk and said the stupidest thing. She was upset.

"Hormones." She thought.

A knock on her window spooked her.

"Sorry to scare you Peyton. But I saw you parking as I was leaving. I left the front door unlocked."

"Thanks, Karen."

"No problem."

Her heart grew nervously as she turned the knob to front door.

"What am I suppose to tell him?" Trying to think of things to say. She never fought with him before and it wasn't like her previous relationship with Nathan.

"Lucas?" Knocking on his bedroom door.

There was no response. She tried the knob and it was unlocked. She exhaled before entering. Her eyes grew big and it narrowed down to the two that was lying on the bed. Naked bodies barely covered by the sheets. Anger grew and shock left her mouth.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

Groggily the girl woke up first. Her eyes wandering around the room her face shocked to see her best friend standing by the door.

"Peyton?"

"WHAT THE FUCK BROOKE? YOU AND LUCAS?"

"What are you talking about?"

"LOOK AT THE GUY BESIDE YOU."

"Shit." She shook his body "Lucas….Lucas…"

"Peyton it's too early." He answered automatically.

"It's not Peyton. Lucas wake up."

Peyton couldn't move she could barely breathe.

He opened his eyes and found Brooke next to him instead. Past Brooke was his Peyton. One pissed of Peyton.

"Peyton…I..I…"

"Save it Lucas. It's over..." Her voice was tired and weary.

"Peyton…it's not what it looks like."

"SAVE IT BROOKE. I KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO SEE. YOU'RE BOTH NAKED. I'M SURE I KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE."

"Peyton. Don't go. Nothing happened." Trying to convince himself more than her. He was drunk as hell the night before and he has no remembrance of anything other than being at Prom. The after party was a clear blank and nothing seemed to hit him.

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. YOU GOT FUCKING DRUNK AND TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT MY PREGNANCY. I WALKED AWAY AND YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW AND NOW I KNOW WHY."

She left the room and slammed the front door. Without looking back or hesitating she drove off. For miles and miles she drove. The road blurred from the tears she cried. It burned as it left her eyes. One hand at a time she wiped it off but it just kept coming out. She drove around town for fifteen minutes with nowhere to go. She drove back to her house only to find him in his truck.

She walked quickly to front door ignoring his words.

"Peyton. Wait up. Talk to me." Running after her.  
He caught up quickly catching her arms as she entered her house.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT HUH? BROOKE ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW?"

"Peyton. Nothing happened I promise."

"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA PROMISE ME THAT LUCAS? YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER LAST NIGHT. I SAW IT IN YOUR EYES. THE CONFUSION IT HELD WHEN YOU WOKE UP."

"But nothing happened. I wouldn't hurt you."

"ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT LAST NIGHT? HOW YOU FUCKING TOLD EVERYONE IN THAT FUCKING PARTY THAT I WAS PREGNANT. REMEMBER HOW I ASKED YOU NOT TO DRINK? I LET YOU. SEEING HOW YOU HAD SO MUCH FUN SO I LET YOU. IT SEEMED HARMLESS AT FIRST UNTIL YOU KEPT GOING WITH IT."

"Peyton…"

"YEA MY NAME IS THE ONLY THING YOU SEEM TO KNOW HOW TO SAY AT THE MOMENT. GET AWAY FROM ME." Those words cut her more than him. "JUST LEAVE."

END FLASHBACK--

His fingers brushed away her tears. It brought her back to the present. She opened her eyes slightly and saw a bit of his face. He stroked her face with his thumb brushing away the rest of her tears.

"Lucas…don't"

"Peyton. You can't keep going back to that night. You already know the end result of it. Nothing happened just a stupid revenge on us. Just forget it."

"It wasn't just that Lucas. It's what broke us up. Look at how we ended up because of that. We have a kid and aren't even together. I'm…I'm engaged to someone else." She sighed at what she just spilt. It wasn't really official. "I guess it is now." Affirming what she had just said.

"En…engaged?…..Congratulations."

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way…."

"You deserve it Peyton. I wish you guys the best." He backed away from her. "I better go. Nicholas is with the others at the Rivercourt I better go get him before he throws a fit or something. I'll see you later."


	11. Lustful Hate

It was a pretty long walk to the Rivercourt. A pretty damn long walk, yup I was lost in place. What the fuck was all I could think about. She was engaged. I mean engaged, I never saw that coming. Not now, not ever. I guess I was just in denial about the two of them. It hasn't even been one fucking year and she's fucking engaged to this guy. So much for trying on being a family, some things just aren't meant to be after all. What a crock of shit. I mean after all this time all the years we spent now just all a fucking lie.

The pillow, the one that he just slept on. His cologne still lingered on them. What was I thinking? Telling him like that. Guess what Lucas? I'm engage! I'm not really engaged, yet. I haven't answered Jason, not like I can answer the guy. He's been out of town for the past week helping his grandma move back to Tree Hill. Sometimes I can't help but think that maybe he left so he didn't have to deal with me or deal with my drama. Lucas was different, he was something else, he was my everything and I mean it. Ever since we met he was always the one to be there regardless and no matter what he was the guy I could count and I still can. It's just that with our past everything else is complicating. Brooke fucked that up for us. How she set us up during prom night. All out of revenge and spite, I hate that bitch and the shit she's put me through.

FLASHBACK

"No, Lucas. We're fucking over. Get that through your head. Do you really expect me to take you back after that shit?"

"Peyton, just hear me out. I'm not asking you to forgive or take me back. Just let me be a part of my kids life."

"You will be… I wouldn't do that….I couldn't. We're just over."

Faces and stares was all they got. For a whole week, it was the only talk they would hear. The whole triangle was back again. It was great because this time someone was actually pregnant. It made it even much better; the consequence was much higher than people's expectation. Or at least Brooke's it was a plot thought out from day one. The day she found they had cheated on her. Just the thought of her best friend and her boy friend going behind her back, unnerved her. It was simple, attack during their most vulnerable time; she knew eventually they were going to end up together. She just had to be patient and attack at the right moment.

It couldn't have gone any better. The way it played out, Peyton pregnant and them having a fight. It was too sweet, revenge was all hers and pain was going to be something they felt. She feed him alcohol little by little without him knowing. She knew his weakness. He wasn't too good on alcohol he wasn't much of a drinker. It was all too perfect.

Lucas was drunk as hell but the problem was, getting him to his room. He could barely walk and hell she couldn't do it all on her own. She needed an ally, someone who was weak. Teresa, another pathetic cheerleader, drunk as hell she couldn't remember.

Boy was she wrong. Teresa couldn't carry the guilt any longer. The more she saw Peyton the harder it was to keep. She couldn't tell her so she told somebody else.

"Lucas, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yea, sure Teresa."

"Umm..I don't know how to say it actually. It's umm…" She stared around thinking of the words. She was nervous and her eyes were getting watery.

"Hey you okay?"

"Yea, just give me a sec?"

He nodded and waited for her to talk.

"Lucas, you know how you slept with Brooke during prom night?"

"Uhh…"

"Pretty much…you didn't."

"How do you know?"

"I kinda helped Brooke."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you were too drunk and pretty much almost knocked out. You could barely walk and she couldn't do it all on her own. By the time we reached your house you were asleep already. We undressed you and planted a condom and the rest you already know."

"So nothing happened between me and Brooke?"

"Nope it was just her trying to get back at you and Peyton. It worked perfectly. I'm sorry Lucas. I was drunk that night and I didn't know what I was doing. I'm really sorry. I just couldn't take it anymore. The guilt. Seeing Peyton around, how sad she was. It was all too much."

"Hey it's okay." Hugging her.

"Hmm…one cheerleader not enough?"

"Peyton…"

"Save it Lucas."

"Peyton…it's not what you think. Lucas didn't sleep with Brooke!"

She was caught off guard. "What are you talking about?"

"I helped Brooke set you guys up. Lucas was already knocked out by the time we go to his place. We just made it look like they did sleep together."

"Why would you do that?"

"It was wrong, I know that. At the time I was drunk and Brooke came up to me…I don't know…I'm sorry Peyton…I should have told you earlier…but I just couldn't…I'm sorry." She burst into tears again.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Thanks for telling me."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, Brooke can be very manipulative. I have to go."

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I have to take care of something."

"Do you need me to go with you?"

"I think I should this alone. I owe it to her."

"Peyton, I'm sorry."

"Thanks Lucas." Her smile, it was warm, it was real. For the first time he felt a bit of hope. "Thanks Teresa, just don't tell Brooke anything. I want to talk to her first."

END FLASH BACK


	12. Lies We Tell Ourselves

"Daddy, Daddy." Nicholas quickly spoke up as he saw his dad walking towards them. As fast as his little legs could take him he ran to his dad.

"Hey buddy." Lifting him up and giving him a hug. "Did you have fun?"

"Yea. They let me dunk the ball uh-gain."

Still carrying his kid he walked towards the other two.

"Damn Luke you look terrible." Skillz looked on worried.

Lucas pointed towards Nicholas with his lips. "Later?"

"It's alright I can watch the two little ones. Train 'em, show'em,how it's really done." Nathan said voluntary.

"You sure?"

"Yea I have it under control. So what do you two little munchkin say? You two against Uncle Nathan?"

"You're going down" the two spoke.

* * *

The two headed for the benches. 

"You alright man?" Skills asked worriedly.

"Yea, just got some stuff going on I guess."

"As long as I've known you, you've always been a pretty bad liar. You know that right? C'mon you're one of my best friends Luke, I know you better than that."

"Its just Peyton you know? It's just like how can I? I don't know anymore Skillz. She really does love the guy."

"Jason?"

"Yea, him. I was a fool for thinking they wouldn't get past more than a couple of months. Why'd we help him get a date with Peyton anyways?"

"Because we aren't manipulative people that decides faith. We were being friends to people that needed it. We aren't Brooke…ya know?"

The two laughed over the last sentence.

"Yea…that really fucked us up."

"I would have kicked your ass for using that word, you lucky the kids aren't nearby."

The two sat on the bench and watched the three playing.

"Did you ever think things would turn out this way?" Lucas finally spoke up.

"It's what life is man. It's the unexpected things and loving it for what it is."

"Or what it isn't." Exhaling, sighing loudly.

"Sorry, man. I wish I knew what to say. But I don't. We've all had some pretty fucked up things happen to us but that's just the way it is. Just hang on and hope for the best."

"Kenneth is pretty lucky to have you as a dad. She'd be proud of you. You raising a kid on your own."

"I wished she were still alive you know? To see her own son grow up, I miss her so much."

"Just keep hanging on right?"

"Yup." The both nodding their heads.

* * *

"Knock, knock." She said from across the room. 

"Hey Hales."

"You know you really have to hide your key somewhere else. Strangers just might come in. Well at least you lock your doors now." She looked over to the blonde whose eyes were puffy and red. The tear stained pillows told it all. The way her face was still wet from tears. "You alright? Where's Lucas?"

"I messed up Hales, I mean I fucked up royally. I just….I don't know what to do anymore." Sitting up with hands around her knees.

"Start over and what happened?" Walking towards the bed and sitting by her side.

"Lucas and I. We're permanently over."

"Um….I thought you guys were already. What about Jason?"

"I wasn't rooting for me and Lucas I just meant, I don't know what I meant. What was I thinking telling him like that you know?"

"Tell who….what…huh? You're losing me here." Confused covered her face as the blonde shivered with tears.

"Lucas, I told him that me and Jason we're engaged."

"What? When was this?" The diamond shined as her friend held up her finger.

"Not really official yet since I didn't tell Jason my answer. But I just blurted it out of anger. I wasn't really sure of the answer either. Until I heard my self say it out loud. It sounded nice I'm engaged, it felt right."

"And now? Do you love Jason?"

"Yea, I do. There's no doubt about that. But when Lucas is around, the way he always is at this time of the year. It feels like we're back in high school. I feel like that love struck girl and the way it was with us. I don't mean my relationship with Lucas but when Brooke came up with that wicked plan to ruin us. She did just that."

"Peyton we aren't those high school-ers anymore. You can't keep Brooke ruining your life. She isn't even here anymore. Hell she's all the way in the other coast trying to pursue an acting career."

"The perks of acting, you don't have to know how."

"I said trying to pursue. She isn't there yet. I doubt she will ever get there. No offense but the girl can't act, over reacting is more like it."

Her curls bounced on her shoulders as she laughed at the thought. Brooke getting what she deserved, nothing."I don't want to say anything else about that girl. She deserves nothing from me."

"Exactly. So don't give her anything. But when you hold back on things because you're afraid to get hurt then you're doing just that. The girl is still doing damage let it go Peyt. Let it all go. Especially her."

"People say it like it's the easiest thing in the world."

"It isn't easy but there's something's you just have to do. Even if you don't want to."

"I'm sorry Hales, how are you and Nathan?"

"I see your trying to quickly change the subject. But I'll let it go since I need to talk as well."

The blonde simply smiled and placed her chin on her knees listening attentively to her friend.

"We talked earlier today, when we bumped into each other at the Rivercourt. He told me that he asked for the separation because I did."

"Did you…I mean ask for it?"

"He said in some ways I did. Lately I've been distant towards him, I know that, but I didn't really think it was that bad. I just wanted music to be mines and I guess I did just that. I don't know."

"What else did he say?"

"He said that I kept it from him, everything. Like when I wrote my music I wouldn't share it with him, Am I?"

"I can't answer that for you. What do you think?"

"In some ways I think he is. I never meant too. But being married sometimes just, we were too young."

"You aren't now. Isn't that what it's all about...Working things out and not leaving the spouse in air about your life?"

"You seem to know more about marriage than me."

"Maybe in some ways I already was."

"Jason?"

"No, Lucas."


	13. It Never Really Is

The silence between the two never left even when they were talking.

"It's never what you think it is, is it?" The brunette asked still shocked at what the blonde had just revealed to her.

"Surprising huh? For me to say that, I mean with what Lucas and I had, it just seemed like it. He was always there day after day, even if we weren't together it sure as hell felt like it."

* * *

The two sat in the awkward quietness watching their sons play basketball.

"It wasn't what you thought it was is it?" Not once looking at the guy next to him. "You know your son resembles you and Peyton a lot. The blond hair and the light eyes, her art and your basketball, the kid got it made."

"De ja vu."

"What?"

"Your question, when you asked it, I just had a de ja vu, kind of. To answer it though, NOPE it isn't what I imagined. I didn't know it would turn out this bad."

* * *

"You alright? You kind of zoned out on me." Waving her hand back and fourth.

"Yea, I'm okay Hales, that was weird."

"What was?"

"I had some kind of premonition or de ja vu or something. Like it happened elsewhere."

"Weird. Who knows maybe there was some kind of force that wants something else to happen."

* * *

"Just give it time man. Who knows maybe some will of force might be on your side this time."

"Right, like lady luck has been on my side all these years but for some reason she can't quite reveal herself yet?"

Shyly he walked over to the bench. "Daddy, daddy, can we go home now. I want to see mommy."

"Alright, kiddo, just give me and Uncle Skillz a minute. Then I'll take you to mommy."

"Okay." Running back to the court.

"My house tomorrow. Bar-B-Q." Getting up from the bench.

"Any excuse to get drunk huh?"

"Pretty much. Tell Nathan?" Walking off towards the courts.

"Will do."

"Tomorrow then." Shouting it out loud not turning around to face Skillz.

"What's tomorrow." All three asked as they stopped playing.

"My house Bar-B-Q."

"Daddy I'm hungry."

"Alright Nate, I'm heading off. See you tomorrow?"

"Is Haley going to be there?"

"She's staying at my place, of course she will be. Nicholas give me and Uncle Nate a couple minutes okay? Then we'll leave. Go play with Kenneth while you wait."

The two walked further away from the little kids. Both had their hands in their pocket.

"Sorry I never got to ask, how are you and Hales?"

"I'm not sure, we talked earlier."

"That's a step up."

"I think I might have ruined my chance. I basically told her that it was her fault that we're separated."

"Is that how you really feel?"

"Luke, you know it is. It's been like this between me and her for the last couple of months." There was annoyance in his voice.

"I didn't mean it like that. I was just wondering…" His voice got lower with each word he spoke.

"You seem to be a bit off today. Everything alright?"

"Yea. I'll get by."

"Scott's aren't that lucky when it comes to females are we?"

"I guess not."

* * *

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yea, thanks Hales. Where are you headed?"

"Find Lucas, I need to talk to him."

Her face showed an emotion like no other. It hurts to know that you've hurt someone even if it wasn't on purpose. A sad pout came to her face, shaking her head no. Haley gave Peyton a much-needed hug. Words between eyes as actions made conversations between the two friends. Peyton nodded with a slight smile on the corner of her mouth and Haley left right on cue. Seconds later her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby. I missed you."

"Hey Jason, when are you coming back?"

"I should be in Tree Hill in a few minutes. Where heading over to my uncles to get my Nana settled."

"That's cute, you still call her Nana."

"Yea…"

"Awww…are you blushing?"

"Yea…kinda…well…she wanted to know if you wanted to meet her, she's dying to see you."

"Yea, I'd like that, what time?"

"Call me when you're ready or is that too early?"

"No, I just have to get dressed. I'll call you in thirty minutes or so, pick me up?"

"Alright, love you, bye."

"Love you, bye."

* * *

"So kiddo, where do you want to eat?"

"Home!"

"You sure, it's a long walk before we get there."

"Yea, home I want to see mommy. I miss her."

"Alright, home it is."

With Nicholas on his back he walked with a faster pace. His back started to ache with the weight he was carrying. His song was getting bigger and bigger day by day. The years passed by to quickly.

He set Nicholas down on the porch and he quickly ran to door ringing the doorbell numerous times. HE stood behind his son not knowing what to expect.

"Mommy! Mommy! I missed you."

"I missed you too honey." Kissing him on the cheeks.

"I'm hungry." Quickly came out of his mouth.

"I tried to get something earlier but he wanted to eat here."

"It's alright Lucas, I'll make some sandwiches. You hungry?"

"Actually I should go." He didn't know what to say and with each second passing by his heart started to hurt even more.

"Lucas, I'm sorry."

"Daddy don't leave. I want to play."

"Lucas, actually can I ask you a favor?"

"Yea, what do you need?"

"Do you mind watching Nicholas for a couple of hours. Jason is back and…"

He sure as hell didn't want to hear the next words coming out of her mouth.

"Yea, I'll watch him."

"Thanks." Her voice drop and that awkwardness between them showed up once again. "Are you sure you're not hungry?"

"No."

He watched TV as the two were in the kitchen. Ten minutes later they were done and the doorbell rang.

"I got it." Peyton ran to the door not wanting Lucas to get it or see the guy behind it.

"Hey baby. I got something for Nicholas."

"I heard my name!" The kid shouted with delight as he ran to the door. Lucas followed him soon after and it was the biggest mistake he's ever made.

"A toy!"

"Jason! Welcome back man."

"C'mon Jason, let's go. Bye baby, I'll be back in a couple of hours, behave for daddy okay?"

"Okay, mommy."

He ran back to the living room with the box in hand.

"Hey tomorrow, my place Bar-B-Q."


	14. Serves You Well

A/N: There was a reason why I kept switching to Lucas/Skillz and Haley/Peyton scene. It was happening simultaneously. It was confusing but there was something else about it. Hint/suggestions about the upcoming chapters…well all chapters have them…Enjoy.

She wore the ring and he knew she had made her answer. He liked the sound of it. It had a nice ring to it, literally and metaphorically. He called her his fiancé even before she made it official. He loved it even more now that they are official.

He played with her fingers turning the ring.

"You've been doing that since earlier."

"I know. It looks nice, it sounds nice." Kissing her on the lips. "Don't you think so?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't have worn it." Kissing him back, her body pressing lightly on his. "I missed you."

From outside the room, they hear him walking, his footsteps getting louder as he got closer to the room.

"Mommy, I'm hungry. Ewwww. You guys were kissing. YUCK!"

"Well continue this later." Whispering in his ears.

"C'mon baby. What do you want to eat?"

"Pancakes! Just like how daddy makes them with shapes."

She looked over to Jason and saw the face he made. He knew Nicholas wasn't talking about him but about Lucas. His dad, his real dad, something he could never be to the boy. Not like he wanted to but there was times it hurt to her it. "Sorry." She mouthed to him. He smiled and went back to sleep.

* * *

"Fancy meeting you here." Haley James said as she walked in the kitchen. 

Lucas on the table reading the paper, he took a sip of his coffee. "Morning. Coffee is made and waffles are in the freezer."

"I know I've been here more than you. So why are you here?"

"Jason came back."

"Oh. How are you dealing?" Her voice was sympathetic but not pitiful. She could relate in someways.

"Just that dealing with it." His voice was bland not because he didn't care, just that he didn't want to show any raw emotions at the moment. Hales knew him to well, either way she knew how badly he was hurting. She just had to wait when he was ready to talk about it.

"If you need to talk. _Just call out my name and I'll be there_." She sang the last part just like the song.

"Thanks Hales. By the way later on, Bar-B-Q with everyone, I have to get the stuff wanna go?"

"Everyone as in everyone? Here?"

"Yup…unless you don't want to see Nathan?"

"No it's okay. I just…I didn't know. I'm okay with seeing him but I'm not sure what to say."

"How do you feel about him?"

"I love him, just that I guess I needed a little break or something. I know I'm wrong but I just needed my space, I just don't know why. Does that sound crazy?"

"No, you guys married to young."

"And you didn't?"

"I was never married."

"What about Peyton?"

"I fell in love with her."

"And so did she."

"I can't dwell on the past. She's moved on."

FLASHBACK

She lay on her side with her back turn against the door.

"Knock, knock."

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"I've seen you in all possible ways Peyt, you're beautiful in every single one of them."

"Luke, how did it get this way?" Her sobs were getting louder and clearly she needed to talk. "Brooke, fucking us over like that. She did this, she broke us up."

He started walking towards her bed. Slowly he crawled to her. "I heard what you did earlier. Taking her on in front of the whole school, that was pretty brave of you." He put his arms around her. She felt safe, secure, she felt loved. "I wish I could have been there."

"I needed to do it by myself, I wanted to see her reaction face to face." She turned around and buried her face on his chest. "I wanted her to feel the pain I felt. Let her suffer the way I am now." It was almost incoherent but he was able to hear all of her words. "So I busted her in front of everyone. I wanted everyone to know what a conniving bitch she was."

"I know. I'm sorry Peyt. I should have known, I should have listened to you that night."

"But you didn't know. She tricked you in to drinking. She made you do it. It was part of her plan all along. I should have stayed with you that night. We wouldn't be where we are now."

"I love you, Peyt, I'll always be here for you. You and our kid." Touching her tummy, soothing her, rubbing it gently. "My boy is going to be one tough man." He kissed her forehead and left it there for more than usual.

"And what makes you think it's a boy?"

"I just do. Just like how I know I'll always love you."

She got lost in his words, for a moment she caved and she let him in. It was to good to resist, his touches were soft and his lips were gentle on hers. She wanted him and he wanted her. They both needed it.

END FLASHBACK


	15. Stumbling Gracefully

"Wake up." She said whispering in his ears.

"I am awake, my eyes are just closed."

"Then open them." Kissing him all over his face.

"Aren't you suppose to be watching Nicholas?"

"He's eating" She paused for a second and let her own lips touch his. "I have a couple of minutes to spare."

"Mmmmmmm…I like the sound of that." Kissing her in return.

He pinned her body down to the bed smothering her with kisses. In between eachone she managed to speak. "I missed you." Her hands went under his shirt, feeling on his well sculpt body. His abs rock hard and it showed every time he removed his top off.

"I know." His aqua marine eyes glowed with delight.

A big smile came to her face then meet his lips head on. Their own lips parted ways letting their tongues meet halfway. His presence was strong, his body upon hers. They moved with the moment, their bodies swaying with each other. Uncontrolled urges overtook them, the feel to be within each other, their temperature rising along.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I'm done eating." His voice echoing through the halls.

"DING! Times up."

"Tonight, I promise." Kissing him one last time before getting off the bed.

"What time is it?"

"Almost nine, why?"

"I have to help my uncle and Nana get the place set up. What time is the thing at Luke's?"

"Not sure, whatever time people decide to show up."

"Alright, I'll meet you guys there, it might be a while. The house is still a mess."

"You should have cleaned up like I told you to. It wouldn't be that big of a mess." Walking out of the room.

* * *

"I'm finished. Can we go to Daddy's now?"

"After we get ready. Let's call him first and see if we can go okay?"

"Okay…"

She dialed his house number and but no answer. She dialed his cell number and within seconds her palms were sweaty.

"Hello." Picking up his cell phone.

"Let me talk to daddy, please." He was always thought to say please.

"Hey Lucas, hold on, Nicholas wants to talk to you."

"Hello, daddy, you're right, Mommy makes the weirdest shaped pancakes. But they still tasted good. Can we go there now?"

"Not yet, buddy, I'm still with your Aunt Hales shopping. Let me talk to your mom I'll tell her when okay?"

"Okay."

"You're both in trouble for making fun of my pancakes." Teasing the boy as he stood next to his mom.

"Hey Lucas,"

"Sorry about the pancake comment." Trying to hold back the laughter. "I'm still here buying stuff for later on. We should be back in thirty minutes or so. Oh Hales is asking if you can help her set up, cook and all that stuff."

"Yea, we'll get ready and be there as soon as we can."

"Alright, bye."

"Lucas…"

"Don't worry about it. Congrats." The uneasiness and the sadness came about as he said the last word. She couldn't help but feel guilty.

Heavy footsteps came from the halls. "Jason are you going with us?" 

She turned around and forced a smile on her face. "Leaving?"

"Yea...sorry kiddo, I'm going a little later. I'll see you there." She gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Ewww…" Running away from the two adults.

"When he gets older he won't be saying that. Bye baby."

"But he doesn't know that yet, bye _Christopher _Jason"

"Only my Nana can call me that."

"It's a nice name you know."

"I like Jason better. Bye." Walking towards the door.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later Peyton and Nicholas were ready to head on out. He was strapped in the backseat with his hands up catching a little bit of the wind.

"You know daddy laughed when I told him you're pancakes were shaped weird."

"Yes, I know…you two hurt mommy's feelings." Pretending to cry.

"You're faking it mommy. I still love you even if daddy's pancakes are better." Smiling, knowing his mom can see him through the rearview mirror.

"I love you too buddy."

* * *

They rang the doorbell twice and Haley opened the door for them.

"Peanut, I missed you." Giving Nicholas a hug and a kiss on the cheeks.

"Aunt Haley! You should watch me play basketball. Me and Kenny can beat our dads." He was ecstatic to see his favorite aunt. She always rooted for them during their games.

"Hey Haley."

"Hey…you alright?"

She mouthed a small smile, an answer she always gave when things aren't well.

"Nicholas go to the backyard, your dad is waiting for you. He's gonna teach you how to be a man and cook outside with a grill."

* * *

He ran through all the rooms and jumped out to the backyard. "Daddy!" He yelled before jumping.

"Stay back, buddy, I don't want you getting burned."

He stayed by the doorway and watched his dad cover the grill. He carried his son and stepped into the kitchen with the two girls.

"Mommy the fire was big." Putting his hands up over his head, trying to show his mom how huge they were.

"Are you going to help Daddy?"

"YEA!" The excitement on his voice echoed through out the whole house.

"The guys are gonna cook while the girls sit and eat."

"We're helping too. We're making the other stuff. Nicholas you want to help me bake the cake?"

"Can I lick the bowl after?" His eyes grew big.

"You're going to be a fat boy. Girls aren't going to like that." Tickling him.

"Daddy's fat boy!"

"Daddy's fat?…do you want to stay in the kitchen or do you want to be with the men outside." Grinning evilly towards his son.

"Alright you two _boys_, go to the backyard. We'll be in the kitchen and be the _girls_ that we are."

"Mommy called us boys."

"Tell her were MEN!"

"Were MEN, not BOYS."

The three adults laughed for the first time the awkwardness lifted.

"You ladies enjoy, we'll be in the back grilling."

Peyton looked on as Lucas carried Nicholas to the back. She remembered how he kept his promise. Even after all these years, he was still able too. He knew he meant it at the time and still does. She couldn't even think of the words to explain. It was a hard memory to come by but one she'll never forget.

"You tend to do that a lot you know?"

"Do what?"

"Daydream, zone out. Whatever it is you do when you're mind skips out on me. Everything okay?"

"I think you already know. How's he dealing with all of this?"

"He's Lucas, he deals on his own way. You know that."

"Yea but it worries me. He never talks to anyone about it and…" She sighed and a tear dropped to the counter.

"You can't live your life for people Peyton, if you want Jason then you aren't wrong for wanting to marry him. Just don't give Lucas the chance to think that you saying yes was all a mistake. It's something he doesn't need."

"I see him and I can't help but think…hey that's me that's making him feel that way and I know it is my _fault._"

"He was the one that stayed with you, he chose to stay."

"What if I said that he had a little help from me?"

"Then I would ask you what are you talking about."

"Last year, I don't think he told anyone, I know I didn't. But…" She paused for a second and let her emotions take over. More tears rolled of as she remembered that day. "We slept together…"

"Ummm…you guys always do…you cry til you fall asleep and he stays with you. Nothing new."

"Not that kind of sleep…"

"Oh…that type of _sleep together._ No wonder he was smiling that whole week."

"I lead him on this whole time. If it wasn't for me he would be with someone else already. He should be. He deserves to be happy, too."

"Isn't this something you should be telling him?"

"He won't talk to me...ever since he found out Jason and I are engaged...all he wants to do is say congrats and he keeps telling me not to worry. But _I am worried_." She stirred away, her eyes avoiding Haleys.

"Can I ask you something about that day?"

"Yea…sure." Wiping her tears away.

"How do you feel about it…when it happened…it's just that…a year passed by already and…you still brought it up."

"I don't know...it's just hard to see him…and then yesterday…the way he was holding me…it was just like that….I don't know…I don't even know what I was thinking then. I just wanted to forget all the pain I felt…just for a moment…I wanted to be happy."

"Were you?"

"I felt whole when we were together. It felt right and it felt good to be held like that."

"This was a year ago right?"

"Yea…it doesn't matter. I don't know…I just want to know how he's dealing with it."

"You already know Peyton. Not a word from me will make it any easier on you. Real question is how are you dealing with things?"


	16. Eternal Vows

The little blonde boy sat on the bench and watched his father grill. Flipping meats and wiping of beads of sweat from his forehead, the boy watched on with admiration.

"I want to see, please." Tugging on his dad's shirt.

"I'm not sure buddy, it's really hot."

"Carry me. I want to see what you see. Please daddy."

"Alright." With one arm he carried his son and turned the hot dogs with the other.

"Can I try?"

"When you're older, don't want you getting burned."

"Okay. What happened to the fire? It's gone now."

"The fire dies out and heat from the charcoal stays." She answered from the door. "Do you still want to help your Aunt Haley bake the cake?"

"Daddy can I?" Giving him the sad puppy eyes."

"Sure." Putting him down.

"Cake…cake….cake…" His voice trailed off as he moved along the house.

She waited until Nicholas was in the kitchen and stepped outside to the backyard with Lucas. Behind her she closed the door and stared at nothing in particular.

"You don't have to stay out here." He said, staring at her.

"Lucas we need to talk, you need to talk. I'm worried." She sighed and tears streamed down her eyes.

"I'm fine, it seems like you need to talk more than me…" Looking away, his eyes started to glisten.

"Don't shut me out Lucas. I'm just trying to help."

"WHAT? And this isn't hard for me? How many times have you let me in only to shut me out again? HUH? You think I want things this way for us. You know how much I LOVE YOU. You remember that day?" Tears were harsh on his eyes. It was visible from afar and he did nothing to stop them.

* * *

"Cake…cake…cake…" His voice got louder with each step.

"So what kind of cake would you want to bake?"

"Chocolate!"

The doorbell rang and he ran off to the door.

"Nicholas ask who it is first before opening the door."

"Who is it?" Holding the doorknob.

"It's your Uncle Nathan." He opened the door.

"Hey Nicholas, where's everyone?"

"Mommy and daddy are in the backyard and me and Aunt Haley are baking a cake. Wanna help?"

"Sure."

"Aunt Haley, Uncle Nathan is going to help us bake a cake." Yelling from the front living room.

"Hi Hales, I missed you." Giving her a hug.

"I missed you, too." Kissing him on the cheeks. "Can we talk later?" Pointing her lips to Nicholas.

"Yea….so what's this cake I'm hearing about?"

* * *

"Yea I remember that day and the promise."

"I never asked you to make the promise, you made it on your own. Why couldn't you keep it Peyton? Why couldn't you?" His voice was weak and tears took over his eyes.

FLASHBACK

"I missed you." She said as they broke off the long intimate kiss.

"I wished I could have seen the look on Brooke's face earlier, when you revealed her to the whole school."

"Don't worry about. I needed to do it on my own, you've been there for me way too much."

His eyes twinkled and he had a mischievous look to it. "I missed you." Creeping his hand up under her shirt. He unhooked her bra and flipped them over.

She nodded her head and gave in to her own desires and needs. Slowly they paced their selves. Waiting for that moment they were whole once again. With fewer clothes on he filled her body with kisses. The touch of his lips on her skin made her whimper. Along the center of her stomach he kissed her gently. With each stroke of his tongue in her she moaned out. She missed the way he was, how he touched her in such a way.

Minutes passed and hairs were a mess. The two were finally unclothed and they let their bodies collide into each other. She held his hand and gripped the sheets with the other. Slowly they moved their hips, sensations running all through their bodies. For the first time since they broke up they made love. It was sweet on their mouth, how the other one tasted. Lusciously he filled her body and she was in pure bliss. They were whole once again and the moment came when they complete.

He held her close with arms around her. He tucked her in safely in his body.

"Do you regret it?" She shook her head now and smile came to his face. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He looked deep in her eyes and entwined his fingers with hers. Carefully he chose his words. "Peyton, you're my life, you and our kid. I'll always love you and I mean it. I'll promise you this, I'll love you no matter what even if we're together or broken up, even though I know we won't break up at all right?" She smiled and he continued. "I'll be there regardless, as friends, lovers, husband and wife. I want you to know, that I love you and nothing will change that."

Her eyes were watery and softly her words came out. "I promise, I'll never let another guy have my heart. I'll love you the way you love me. You'll always have that part of me Lucas. Promise." Wiping her tears away from her face.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Lu-Lucas…..I'm…"

"I don't need you to be Peyton." Simply wiping her tears away. "Be happy. You've got a great guy. Me and you….just…..weren't meant to be."


	17. Harmonic Dream

It's been a while since the two had been physically intimate. Their bodies craved it and their lips wanted to feel the soft, lusciousness of the other. "Are we really alone?" He asked in between kisses.

"Mmmhhhhhmmmm…" Her words vibrating through his neck.

"I'm not dreaming am I?"

"No, Jason, you're not." Wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close for another kiss. "Trust me you aren't dreaming at all." Each word was said through a kiss.

"So we're really alone huh?"

"Yup." Nodding her head. "Tonight is ours."

"I love you baby." Pinning her body against his.

She smiled and responded. "Love you too."

She missed that feeling, her own skin touching another. Physically she never wanted him more but her mind seemed to drift of elsewhere to someone else actually. How she was able to do two different things at the same time never fazed her. Physically she was all there, her own actions proved it. The way she melted in the strength of his arms and the shape of his body. But her head, she couldn't get the conversation out of her mind.

She wanted this, needed it, her demands to be physically happy made her emotionally vulnerable. She did all she could to keep her mind on him, the guy that was meeting her physical demands at this moment. His lips traced over every inch of her skin making her purr for a couple of minutes. The instant he kissed her stomach, her mind switched back to another. She pictured it, imagined it, the soft, featherweight lips landing on the center of her stomach. How quickly she gave in to his touch. Her arms surrendering, letting him pave his own way on her body. That day at the motel, it was all so clear.

She seemingly compared the two, as she moaned out into the thick hot air. He moved to his own beat, his own pace, he was the aggressive type when it came down to things. It wasn't just the physical aspect of the relationship she was comparing but everything else between the two guys in her life. Either way, she didn't care at the moment. She had the both of them at this very minute. Jason pleasuring her in every way and Lucas grabbing every emotion she had within her.

FLASHBACK--

"I know you heard me the first time I said it. We aren't meant to be, I've acceted it maybe you should too. Maybe you already have." His voice lowering with each word, he was clearly giving up.

"Lucas…you don't mean that."

"I know I don't but I can't keep hoping that maybe someday we still can be us. I have to let you go, Peyt but I need my heart back before I'm able to."

There they both were, silent, quiet, tears shedding.

"It's always been yours Lucas, it always has." Walking closer to him. His whole figure didn't move, just breathing and looking on as she inched away from him.

"Your wrong, actually" Staring into her eyes, their only weakness was they knew each other too much. "…you've had it all these years." Both moved in closer and their lips barely touching. "I need it back Peyt. I have to move on."

END FLASHBACK--

She was completely lost in the both of them. Moaning to the ever intrusive ways of his body. Silently she called out "Lucas". Her lips repeating the same words over and over until she spotted a different face. "Jason" she mouthed to him.

* * *

"So that's it? Just like that we're okay?" He asked his wife as they sat on the living room couch.

"We're semi-okay, I guess. I still need my space. I'm sorry for pushing you away, Nathan, I don't want to do that anymore." Walking her fingers on his forearm and down his wrist.

"Is that the only reason why you don't want to come back home?" Locking her fingers in his closed palm.

"I need to stay here with Lucas." Angling her face to get a better view of his.

"I understand. How is he by the way?" Giving her a light peck on the lips.

"I'm not sure, he hasn't talked in a while, just drank most of the day. I don't even know how he stayed quiet with all that he drank."

"He didn't drink as much as you think. Skillz was watching him the whole time, he couldn't drink more than five or six we made sure of that."

"Is that why he was angry?"

"He had other things on his mind, you know how he gets when he's drunk. We couldn't let it happen again."

"I get it. Do you want to stay over for the night?" Nudging her head against his chest.

"In any other circumstances, I would say hell yea! But I don't think it's the best time and it isn't your house. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Bring my keyboards and papers when you swing by."

"Will you sing me one song, if I do?"

"More than just that." Missing the feel of his lips on hers. In an instant, she no longer missed it, their kiss deepened and she knew it was where she belonged. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mrs. Scott."

* * *

"He could have stayed, I wouldn't have mind." Sitting down next to his best friend.

"I know you wouldn't have, thanks Lucas. You okay?"

"Soon. Mind if I skip out for a couple of hours? I just need to get some fresh air. Nicholas is asleep already, I should be back soon."

"I'm sorry." She called back as he walked towards the door.

"Call my cell if he wakes up." Closing the door behind him.

* * *

The sudden constant ringing of her phone woke her up. She looked over to the digital clock that sat by her lampshade.

"Who the hell is calling at this time?" Whispering to no one in particular. She picked up the phone and read caller I.D. "Lucas Home."

"Hello." In a coarse, worried voice. "Is everything okay, what's wrong with Nicholas?"

"Peyton, it's Haley, I'm sorry to wake you but Lucas isn't back yet and it's almost two. He's been gone for almost three hours, I don't know what to do, Nicholas just woke up earlier looking for his dad but I got him to fall back asleep. I tried calling his cell but he isn't picking up. I'm worried but I just can't leave the house with Nicholas alone."

"I'll go find him."

"Thanks."

* * *

He dribbled the ball and moved around, not shooting, not even once. She stood beside her car, just watching him. His love for basketball showed through his skilled movements.

"You shouldn't be out here this late." Her flip-flops sounding away as she stepped. "You shouldn't be out here alone, by yourself. You shouldn't be out here period."

He just kept dribbling, intent of accomplishing his goal. Even he didn't know what it was.

"Are you just going to ignore me?"

"I'm not." Placing the ball by his hips, trying to catch his breath. "What are you doing here?" walking towards her.

She stopped and leaned against the pole, cold on the skin, refreshing and nice with the warm air surrounding them.

"Nicholas woke up and started looking for you. Haley tried calling but you didn't pick up."

"I don't get why I can't go here on my own, to be by myself. It's not like I have Dan's disease…" She grabbed the ball and placed it between their bodies.

He grabbed her hand and let her grip loosen on the ball. "I know you don't but you have some heart complications Lucas, I can't take the risk of losing you. Not with Nicholas around he needs a father." Staring down at the ground avoiding eye contact with him. He still had a hold of her hand and that's what she was staring at, their hands, how it was trembling in his. He moved it behind her back, their bodies now touching. He tilted his head, moving his lips closer to her. "What are you doing?" She whispered in to his lips.

"What's that?" He answered.

"What's what?" Aggravated that he stopped to ask a ridiculous question.

"Your phone, it's ringing."

"Fuck." Waking up. The ringing of her phone woke her up from a pretty good dream. She looked beside her and saw the naked body laying next to her. "Nope, that part wasn't a dream."

"Hello?"

"Peyton, sorry to call you this late but I'm worried about Lucas, it's passed two and he still isn't back. He's not picking up his cell and I can't leave Nicholas alone."

"I think I know where he might be. Do you know if he brought a basketball along with him?"

"I didn't see him carrying one when he left the house."

"I'll call you, when I find him."

"Thanks, bye."


	18. Lead Me In

Tires and pebbles were never really a good match. A two or three ton car crushing pebbles, the crunching sound it made as it halted in a slow break. The screeching sounds of the brakes were loud enough to wake people within fifty feet.

He didn't bother to look, he knew it was her. She was his solid ground, his everything. He wasn't capable of living the way he should have without her in his life. Whatever they were in the past, friends or lovers she was always there, cheering him on from the sidelines, he loved how she was a part of his life regardless.

FLASHBACK--

Everything was settled for a while, they were together again, Brooke's plot was revealed and for the first time after the prom incident they made up, they made love, they were complete, they were one. Once graduation started to come around and emotions grew on her, she was taken back by everything. Reasons only she knew she started to push Lucas away. It worked, too well, they were broken up again.

She sat on the grass, his arms around her, she cried and cried. The news of her father's death was unexpected. "Tell me it's a lie, Lucas, tell me it's a lie." Fist after fist, she pounded them against his chest.

"I'm sorry Peyton, I wished it were." Each hit was harder than the other.

People passed by unaware of the serious situation in front of them.

"Why me? Why now? It isn't fair. First acar crash and now a plane crash. How am I suppose to go on without him? He's all I had." Her face buried deep in his chest.

"You're not alone Peyton, you still have and our son. There's Haley, Nathan, and my mom. We're all here…if you ever need anything."

"I just wanna go home…I wanna go home…take me home."

She didn't have the strength to walk or to even stand. She had no strength at all. Up the stairs and into the hall he carried her to her bed. She lay curled up, in a fetal position, still in her graduation gown.

"It's hot." She finally spoke up.

He moved the fan near bed and turned it on. "You're still wearing your gown."

"Oh," staring down at her clothing, not moving a hand to remove it.

"Need help with it?" Pointing at her gown.

She shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes. Tears visible from where he sat, the foot of the bed.

Cautiously he moved closer. His fingertips lightly touching her cheeks to wipe away the tears he longed to erase. "I'm gonna remove your gown, okay?"

She nodded her head and moved her body accordingly in order to remove the gown.

"I'm sorry, Lucas." Grabbing his hand, "I'm sorry I pushed you away."

"Don't worry about that now. You have other things to worry about alright?"

"I missed you," slowly she dragged his hand to her face and kissed it lightly. "I missed us, Lucas."

"I missed you too, Peyton. I missed you, too."

"Stay with me, tonight."

END FLASHBACK--

Underneath her thin flip-flops, she felt the pebbles poking through. Each step was a bit of a pain, not because of the rocks that were making its way through but the sight of the man in front of her. Each step leads her closer to him but each one only sent him further away. He was as distant as he was earlier, the look in his eyes, ready to move on with his own life. The stinging pain grew as she looked on, as much as she loved Jason, a part of her would always be with Lucas. He spoiled her when they were younger loving her with everything he had even when they weren't together. He still loved her as much if not maybe even more.

Some part of him wished they were still the teeny tiny little family they were. The three of them in the park, Nicholas on his lap as they sat on the swing, it was the simple little things he missed. It was sometimes a drag to go to the Rivercourt itself. It held so many memories, especially the park that sat besides it.

FLASHBACK--

What they were at the moment they weren't sure anymore, their status is Lucas the father, and Peyton the mother. There relationship lost its track with status and definition when Peyton pushed him away way more times he had wished. She let him in one day then the next week she was a locked door. He didn't know what to think of it, just one big giant roller-coaster ride of emotions. One minute your hands are up in the air with the thrill and excitement. The next it's down, clutching on to the handles, cautious and well aware of the danger you situated yourself in.

"LUCAS! LUCAS!" She screamed from her their room.

He ran up the stairs as fast as he could. "What? What happened? What's wrong?" Nearly out of breath he still managed to speak.

"Look, Nicholas…he took his first step." Waving the video camera.

"I missed it?" Sitting on the ground beside her.

"It's okay, I have it on tape."

"But it's not the same as seeing it there and then."

"You're cute when you don't get your way." Kissing him on the lips.

He held her face, kissing her with an intense passion. "I love you." He said after letting go of the kiss.

"I love you, Lucas Scott." In front of her was a man breaking down, his façade wasn't holding up anymore and that fake smile he always carried around crumbled into a pout. "I'm sorry Lucas," gently holding his face. "I know I've been rough with you these past months…I don't mean to. I need you in my life, I do, I want you to always be a part me but there's just times, it gets too hard…and I'm sorry if it feels like I don't love you or if I push you too far. Sometimes it just hard to deal with things and I don't want you to have to worry about me all the time."

"It's why I'm here Peyton, so you can lean on me when things get to rough or hard. I don't want you to feel like you can't count on me. I'm here for you and Nicholas, always. Don't forget that."

"I know, Lucas, I know."

END FLASHBACK--


	19. Secrets Untold

He took another sip from the bottle only to find it empty. He drank the whole bottle a while back and completely forgot. He set the bottle down by his foot and walked towards the swings.

* * *

FLASHBACK--

A few weeks past and Peyton was still pushing him away. He hated it, hated the fact that he was in the other side of things again. Their sons second birthday had just past and for one day he was able to get a hold of her. The Peyton, he learned to love and was madly in-love with. Right when things are okay with them, something inside of her has a tendency of pushing him away. He never quite understood it but he knew he was always going to be by her side. But tonight he needed his own space, his own time.

He sat in the middle of the court viewing the water and lights beyond that. Empty like the flask, he stared, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. He fought with his own mind, trying to figure out why Peyton kept acting like this and what makes her push him. At the same time he didn't want to know, what if the reason was him?

"I thought I'd find you here." She said walking towards him. "I'm sorry Lucas."

"Hey, it's okay" getting up from where he sat.

"It's not Lucas, I'm the reason why you keep drinking. I'm the reason why you have to sneak out of the house to go here…to drink." Her last words were low and the tears she tried to hide, revealed their selves.

"It's my choice, not yours." He held her face then kissed her eyes and the tears that came out of it. "I love you Peyton."

"I love you, too." Moving her forehead onto his.

"Tell me one thing…"

"Anything." Nodding her head.

"I need to know…why."

"I'm scared Lucas."

"Scared of what? There's nothing to be scared of."

"I know I shouldn't be…but what if she still has some revenge plotted against us?" Moving her hand over his.

"Brooke?" he asked, opening his eyes.

"Yea…her."

"You can't keep letting her win Peyton, she's long gone. She hasn't even step foot in Tree Hill since graduation day. That can't be the only thing bothering you is it?"

She shook her head no and made a loud sigh. "I can't do it again Lucas…"

"Do what?"

"I can't loose you Lucas."

"You're not going to loose me, I'm here."

"What if one day, you just decide, you don't love me anymore? I can't take that, I guess…if I keep pushing you away, it will be easier for me to take in when you do leave."

"I'm never gonna leave you Peyton. Never…" Kissing her forehead."

"Never say never," laughing at her own joke.

"Well, then…I won't leave you, not now, not ever." Kissing her on the lips. "Wait…if you're here and I'm here, where's Nicholas?"

"With your mom, he's staying there for tonight. Let's go home Lucas."

Slowly her body hit the bed, with his hand behind her head supporting her like he always. His body following right after her, their face nearing as his hand touched the pillow. In a soft passionate kiss, he entered her body. For the first time in a while, he felt whole with her. The distance between them was no longer there.

"I love you." Whispering in her ears. His lips adored her neck with kisses.

Up and down his body moved, her hips swaying with the motion. Her legs wrapped around him and her fingernails dug through his back. The longer they continued the louder she got. Her hand scratching the upper part of his arms and in a low whisper she managed to reply. "I love you, too."

END FLASHBACK--

* * *

"Lucas…Lucas…Lucas…" She called out his name numerous times and it all went unheard.

She walked towards the little park area. The sand felt nice between her toes, it reminded her of the summer days her, Lucas and Nicholas would be at the beach just being a family.

"What were you thinking?" She asked as she sat on the swing next to his.

"How did we end up like this Peyton? How did we let each other get so far away?"  
"I don't know." She answered getting up. "Let's get you home."

"It isn't home without you," quickly getting up and chasing her. "Peyton, slow down, the drunk can't walk fast you know," grabbing her hand and trying to keep up with her.

"It's late and I don't really have time for this Lucas. Haley was worried, you weren't answering your phone."

"I'm sorry Peyton."

"Just get in the car, Lucas."

"No, not until you answer me."

She stopped in front of the passenger door and turned around. "I answered you already, I don't know. I guess we just did. Just get in the car." Opening the door.

"Are you scared? Is that why?" Moving closer to her.

"Why would I be scared?" With each word, he kept took another step until they were inches away.

"Because you know…no matter what…he's never going to be able to break your heart the way I could."

"You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying."

"I don't?" his lips lightly brushing hers. "If he left you right now, would you be sad? What if I left you right now, would you cry?" Slowly he moved his arms around, wrapping it around her waist and pulling her close to him. "I can break your heart into a million pieces if I wanted but I love you too much to ever see that happen. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll let you go." He pecked her lips lightly, waiting for a respond. A slap in the face or for her to kiss him back, anything, he didn't care. He was drunk as hell and Peyton knew this. There's no way he was going to remember this moment.

He kissed her again, this time in a full lip lock. For a second she was stuck, completely shocked she stood still. Parting his lips, he pushed his tongue towards her mouth, urging her to do the same. Their tongues collided and in a heated rush the two fell in the front seat of her car.


	20. Help Me Fall

What was she thinking? She wasn't, she let her free will go and went along with what was going on in front of her. She wanted him and there was no escaping that. "Peyton," he paused in mid kiss, "I love you." His forehead lightly on top of hers, his eyes open just staring at her. He waited, wanting to know how she felt.

She opened her eyes only to catch his and for a moment her heart stopped, she smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. She was confused. She had Jason but couldn't help but want to be with Lucas at the moment.

"Peyton…" he said once again breaking off the kiss. His breath a bit too much for her but she expected it, in some ways she was use to it especially back then. "Are you still scared?"

"Not at this moment," she answered truthfully, her eyes deepening into his. "What about you?"

"I've wanted this…wanted us. I love you Peyton…I love you...it hurts…to see you with him…to have to see him hold you and be with you…" He spoke so clearly and with such emotions she started to tear up. He embraced her in his arms, his body still pinning hers as they lay in the front seat of her car.

"And now?" She asked in a low voice, rubbing her nose gently with his.

"I have you here with me…I have you in my arms…I'm never letting you go Peyton." He had that look, back then when they were in high school. The same look he had when he professed he'd love her no matter what.

"What if I told you that there's someone else? That he's the most important guy in my life? And right now I just want to see him."

"Then, he's gonna have to wait." Shifting his body to a more comfortable position. "You're not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Are you sure about that?" She asked teasingly.

"Positive." Kissing her on the lips.

"What if I told you that this guy was our son?"

* * *

They drove back to her place in muted silence. No wind blowing in the air, no sound from the car radio, and no conversation between the two. Minutes ago they were engaged in something that could have escalated rather quickly. 

"I don't regret what I said or did." He said getting out of the car. "I love you Peyton and that will never change." He stumbled up the porch and fumbled with his keys.

She dialed her house number and there was no answer. She dialed his cell phone and after three rings he picked up.

"You're not here." He said picking up the phone.

"Sorry, had a bit of emergency going on here. Lucas went MIA."

"Is he alright?"

"He's still in one piece, just too drunk."

"So you're staying over there?"

"Yea, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

* * *

"Can't open the door?" She said walking up the steps. 

"Do you love him?" He asked.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it."

"What about earlier…what about us?"

She shook her head no, "it didn't mean…"

"I got the door open….I'm gonna head to bed." He said interrupting her.

"I'll check up on you after I check up on Nicholas."

"I'm a big boy, I don't need you to check up on me. Goodnight Peyton."

"Lucas…." She tried calling out his name.

"Don't…you've said it already."

* * *

He stumbled along as he walked passed through the living room and the hall. 

"Where'd you find him?" She asked groggily from the couch.

"Did he wake you?" She asked walking towards the couch.

"Not like I would be able to get much. So where'd you find him?" She sat up and her friend sat beside her.  
"Rivercourt with an empty bottle." Propping her head down on the brunette's shoulder.

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, it's almost three and you have to be up at eight, get some sleep. I'll be alright. Thanks Hales."

"Anytime you need to talk I'm here. Maybe I should call in sick, Lucas might not be able to get up early enough when Nicholas wakes up."

"Don't worry about it Hales, I already called Jason, I'll be staying tonight. Get some sleep alright? I'm gonna check up on Nicholas and then Lucas. Hopefully he made to his bed this time. Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, I'm okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Hales."

* * *

She walked along the darkened room and the narrow hallway. Her flip-flops made a squishy sound as she traveled along. Her hands trembled as she opened the door to her son's room. He was curled up sound asleep in his bed. "Goodnight," she said closing the door. 

She walked towards the end of the hall and her heart started to pound over her own chest. "Lucas," she said knocking on the door. "Lucas," she tried again. Still there was no answer, she tried the knob and it was unlocked.

He was standing by his bed trying to get his pants undone. "I can't get it unbuttoned." He said still trying to get it undone.

"Not very good with your hands tonight huh?" She said walking to him. "Need help?"

"I can get it on my own." He said roughly, his voice upset.

"I'm sorry, okay?" She said, moving his head hands out of the way. "Just let me help you with this and you can go to sleep, you'll need it."

"I can get by without it. I need you Peyton. I want you…I have to be with you." Laying his head on top of hers. "I need you…" Slowly he lifted her head up. "I love you, Peyt, I always have and always will." Kissing her lips lightly. "I love you," he repeated again, his lips brushing along hers as he talked.

"Lucas…" She started to walk backwards. Once again he placed his lips on hers, just a light feather touch.

They kept walking, until her back was against the door. "Don't leave me Peyton," he whispered to her, his lips gently grazing hers.

She placed her hand on the doorknob and twisted it, twisted the locking mechanism. "I'm here."


	21. Spoiled, My Love

Two months had passed since the night with her and Lucas. The night she gave in to the temptation, to his love. Now here she was in the bathroom peeing on a white stick that could tell her whether or not she was pregnant. She was scared and nervous not because she could be pregnant again but if she was, who's the father? It was only hours apart that she slept with the two guys.

FLASHBACK--

She played with the doorknob locking and unlocking the door. She hadn't really made up her mind the words just seem to have come out automatically. "I'm here." She was unsure what she meant at that second and she still were as she stood there in front of him, kissing him back. His mouth was bitter than earlier, it burned her taste bud.

"You really need cut back on drinking you know that?" Pulling away from his lips.

"You don't seem to mind it…from what I remember, you never did." His mouth formed a smile before touching her lips. "Are you gonna stay or not, you keep playing with the door lock."

"I should go…this is wrong..." Placing her hands on his chest separating their bodies from each other. "I shouldn't be here…"

"But you are, Peyton, you're here with me," placing a hand over her heart. "You and I both know that, I'll always be there and you'll always be in mines."

"I'm with someone else Lucas…and he's part of my life now. I can't," shaking her head no. "I can't do this to him…he loves me too much."

"And I never did?" He said staring into her. "I don't mean to be selfish here Peyt, but I loved you more than anyone could and I still love you."

"You deserve someone who can love you back Lucas, someone who'll treat you way better than I could. You have to let me go." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Is that what you want, for me to move on? To let you go? I've tried, I did, I've dated other girls but none of them was you. They can't compare and they never will. Just one night, all I'm asking for is one night. A night were it's just you and me…just you and me. I can love you better than he can…you know I could…you're just too scared you'll fall back in love with me…you know I'd catch when you start to…just let yourself fall Peyt, let me catch you..." Placing his hand over hers, locking the door behind her.

Again, he placed his lips on her, and slowly he created an entrance to her mouth. Their hands moved away from the doorknob and went up above their heads. His other hand moved up along her back grazing her bare skin. His touch was hot but it sent chills down her spine. Finally she just caved in and stopped fighting the undeniable craving she had.

He lifted her of the ground, their waste at the same level. He pushed her up against the wall and held her steady with one hand. With the other he started to tug on her shirt, lifting it up on an angle. She tilted her head feeling the pleasure he was giving her and the pressure he was forcing between her legs. She yelped in aggravation, impatient, she longed for him, to be lost within him. His lips formed a smile as he kissed her shoulders.

He set her down on the end of the bed giving her a quick peck on the lips. He tried once again with the stubborn button on his pants and to no luck he still couldn't get it undone. She giggled at the sight in front of her.

"Need help?"

He nodded his head, "yea I think so."

She placed a finger between his pants and skin pulling him closer. He moved the strands of hair in front of her eyes and placed it behind her ears.

"Your beautiful…you always are." She blushed, immediately her face turned rose pink.

Completely naked she was vulnerable to every single one of his touches. She lied on the bed, her body quivering under his. He started on her ankles then moved up her. She bit her lip muting her own eagerness, to have him, to feel him completely.

He dragged his lips up her inner thighs tasting the sweet scent she always wore. She grew wild with excitement, his tongue torturing her, tasting every bit of her. Every inch of her was silky smooth and he yearned to be closer, to be within.

Above their heads, she gripped his hand tighter, feeling the moment he entered. She screamed out loud from initial reaction, the anticipation escaped her and she got lost in the feeling. Being loved unconditionally, it was a lifetime affair for him. She would always be his, that's how he felt at this time. He loved her too much it scared her but not now. She loved the feeling. He spoiled her with his love, with his touch, with all he had. "Lucas…Lucas…Lucas…" She started to call out his name, as she was on the verge of losing it all, gaining it all.

He panted, she panted, both undone, lying perfectly still, his body still on her, in her. "I love you," expressing every emotion in him.

"I love you too." She thought in her head.

She snuck away, quietly moving around the room, as she got dressed. She locked the door behind her and soon fell asleep on the other couch.

END FLASHBACK--

She sat patiently just staring at the stick. Her mind flashing back to that night, tears slipped away "I love you, too." She whispered in the air. She was happy with the result either way she already knew. Now it was just a matter of time.


	22. Giving In, Same Ol' Thing

"Pregnant." She said staring at it. She knew, there were signs of it. But it wasn't that she was afraid of, another question was lingering in her mind. Who's the father?

--FLASHBACK--

He woke up with a numbing pain in his head, a slight dizziness and queasiness in his stomach. He walked slowly to the bathroom and sank his head to the sink. It was something he could never grow accustom to, the bad feeling of a hangover. It sucked really, it always did.

Out in to the hall and in to the kitchen, cold water or any sort of liquid really, anything without alcohol will suffice him at this moment. Hell it will make his stomach feel a whole lot better. He felt weak after a couple of minutes being up but he wanted to check up on Haley more of him wanting to know how he got home.

"Morning Ha-" He stopped as soon as he spotted a different girl on the couch. "Peyton?"

"Morning," she looked up and saw the mass confusion on his face. "Haley got worried last night when you didn't come home so she called and asked me to look for you."

"Oh, uhmm thanks." He leaned his hands on the sofa, trying to keep balance.

"You were at the Rivercourt, that's where I found you. Sit, looks like you need it." She smiled sympathetically.

"It's okay I can manage." Truthfully he was feeling weaker every second, a mild dizziness started to fill his head. "I guess I can do that."

"Anything else you want to know?" Placing her hand over his and an uncomfortable feeling over came him. He realized he was wearing nothing but a boxer on sitting to the mother of his child.

"I remember being there…I was on the swings for a while but I don't remember you being there. I sort of do…flashes of you being there…on the court we almost kissed…then in your car…I was…on top of you.," he paused then raised her brow looking at her "…but you were talking about some guy…you had to see."

"That would be our son Nicholas." She turned to him, his eyes at a lost--confused.

Suddenly and immediately he ran to the nearest sink. His hangover caught up to him and he knew for sure that it would be one long morning--a very long day.

He had fallen asleep. His head on her lap, resting comfortably, as he slept a peaceful dream. Mimicking their early years, he knew she would take care of him and she did.

She took care of him like always, running to the store to get him Gatorade and Sprite, his choice of beverage when dealing with a really bad hangover. She ran her fingers through his hair, watching him. She shivered, her mind still reminiscent of last night as he made love to her, as they made love to each other. She did the same and soon fell asleep.

It was early afternoon when they both woke up again, his sudden movement scaring her, waking her up. She opened her eyes to fins his intently on hers. "What?"

"Thanks, for doing this…staying here with me. You didn't have to." He said sincerely, his eyes trying to apologize for something.

"I wanted to. Besides I had some free time. My favorite boy is out his grandmother and the other one is at work, so really I'm stuck with you." She joked. "I still care about you Lucas, if you ever need anything…"

"I know you're around…last night…I remember one thing. In your car…we…" He moved closer to her, his face nearing, barely an inch away. Was he seducing her? Was he getting caught up once again? His heart skipped beats, moving faintly along with him. "We…kissed," and he kissed her. His lips gently pressed up against hers.

She kissed him back then a second later realized it was all wrong, it was all sorts of wrong, she had fiancé and she already made the mistake once last night she couldn't do it again,--maybe. "Luc-cas," she pushed him away, both hands on his chest, he was breathing slower, heavier. "I have Jason."

"You kissed me back…and I'm not just talking about right now but last night, it's a short memory but in your car and then in my room." She was surprised, he remembered, at least some parts not all. He was on top of her with only a blanket between, a very thin blanket--a summer blanket.

"It was just a kiss…" She looked down not able to keep eye contact with him. "Nothing else."

"Then look at me while you say." Lifting her head up to meet his eyes. "Tell me now it was just a kiss and nothing more. Tell me I'm wrong, I love you Peyton and I know you still love me. I can feel it…I can see it. I kissed you for a reason last night and you also kissed me back for your own reasons. If it were just a kiss you wouldn't have stayed, you still wouldn't be here. But you are. Tell me that I'm wrong..."

She stared down again, her eyes forming tears. Her body quivering under his from last night's event, she could still feel his fingers crawling on her skin. "It…it didn't mean anything." She trembled against her words, her tears finally escaping her eyes.

"I love you Peyton." He held her face with one hand, her hand holding on to his arm. She closed her eyes as she saw him moving closer to her face. She sighed in his kisses, the feel of his lips on her eyelids. He always knew how to kiss her tears away.

Salty, she tasted her own tears in her mouth as their tongues collided. It's just a kiss right? It was never just a kiss between the two of them. It was something more and it always meant more. How could he do that? Just kiss her and always, just like always she'd melt into him. Giving up so easily.

They moved to the other end of the couch, her body lying on top of his and the blanket now laying dramatically on the floor. It was just a kiss. She said to herself but why was her hand inside his boxers? She wanted him more than he wanted her. She wanted to feel him, to be--just to be.

His lips fell from hers only to remove her shirt. Slowly his hand drifted lower her back, her mind vanishing to his faint touch, his soft fingertips that stood it's ground. Quickly her bra was on the floor along with her shirt.

He sat up, his back against the arm of the couch, Peyton on top, straddling him. This was wrong she thought once again but her body made no attempts to stop. She wanted him to continue, she wanted to be in that happy place once again. Her fingers tightened their grip on his hair as he lowered his mouth down her neck.

He wanted to taste every inch of her, to devour every part of her soft skin. He tugged on her panties only to get stuck at the crossroads of where their bodies touched.

She stood up, stood in front of him. He kissed her stomach, dropping her skirt to the floor. Slowly, his hand grazed her legs as he removed the last piece of clothing on her. He held her hips, pulling her down on him. He took to his position, his back again resting on the arm of the couch, their bodies pressed fully onto each other. He couldn't get enough of her lips, how kind they were on his gentle kisses. She exhaled a soft moan, feeling his own need grow on her. She tugged on the boxers then lifting up her body, he quickly removed his boxers.

Guiding her, he set her down slowly, his hands never parting with his hips. He moved with her move with him. She tilted her head back at the feel of his lips on her skin, on her neck, on her shoulders. They had their own pace, they kept up with the beating of their hearts, it wasn't just sex, it never was. They were making love, they always did. From the first time and to every other time and it just got better each time.

Finished, they remained still, their mouths desperate for that taste they ventured for. No they weren't finished, their bodies moved slower. Done, finally.

She remained on top, their lips never parting. She loved kissing him and he loved kissing her. It ultimately moved to his room.

His lips dawned on her forehead and down to every inch of soft ample skin, his tongue caressing every sweet taste of her. He covered both mounds, satisfying her needs to be touched in such a way, only he knew how to be able to make her feel that way. South of the pit of her stomach he continued. Aggressively, she tightened her grip on the sheet, letting everything explode within her. She needed him now and he complied. They met, reuniting that old feeling once again. She called out words of love, her love for him. And he--he was speechless. For the first time in a long time she left him speechless. If he knew it all along why did it surprise him? It was nice to hear, to be loved the same way he loved her. He moved rhythmically with her. The tell-tale heart, their one true story.

She stayed in his arms that whole day, making love all through the hours.

Then at night, she went home, came back home to her fiancé's arm.

END FLASHBACK--

There was a soft knock on the door. "Baby, are you ready? Nathan and Haley just called."

"I'll be there in a minute." She called out, wrapping the test in toilet paper, then tossed it in the garbage.

"Everything okay?" He asked, as she opened the door.

"Yeah," she nodded her head and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Can we talk later? I have something to tell you."

"Is it good or bad?" Taking her hand in his.

"You'll see." Giving him a smile. "I can't wait to finally see Haley and Nathan get married... I can't believe their renewing their vows."

"It makes sense. Seeing that they did get separated and now they're back together. It makes it more special in some ways. Don't you think?" Opening the door for her.

"The house is awfully quiet."

"Lucas picked up Nicholas twenty minutes ago. Said something about Haley freaking out that their ring barrier wouldn't be there on time."

"Ready?"

"Always." She answered linking their arms together.


	23. Still In Love

They stood in the same spot the very first time they said their vows to each other when they were sixteen but this time more people were attending. Friends and family surrounded them as they devoted their lives to each other once again. It wasn't the most traditional; it wasn't even close to it. They stood up front by the priest as everyone arrived and gathered around them.

Just like the first time they both wrote their own vows. Confessing their undying devotions to each other, words of their heart. Face to face and hand in hand, they stared into each other, their eyes burning through their soul.

"From the good times and through the bad my heart only belonged to one. She's been the only girl that managed to steal my heart away and wrap it around her tiny little hands. It was you, Haley James Scott that caught my eyes, captured my heart and saw the soul that no one could see. It's you I want to spend my whole life with. I will love you always."

Haley was getting misty eyed and so was Peyton. She held her fiancé's hand squeezing it often as Nathan spoke from his heart.

"That's going to be us one day." He whispered into her ears.

"Someday," she smiled back, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

He winced at the sight that took place in front of him as he stood beside his younger half brother. He turned away, turning back to his best friend and his brother. He smiled as he listened on to Haley's vows.

"I thought a lifetime could never surpass the love I felt when we first stood here and committed our lives to each other. Now as I stand here again I know what it means to be head over heels in love with someone. You've always been the one to encourage me and without you I could never face what the world would throw my way. From now until forever I will always love you."

He smiled at his best friend as he saw her cry then he turned to the woman he love and saw something he wished he hadn't.

"I love you." He mouthed over to her. She smiled and repeated the same thing to him as she took his hands in hers.

He turned away knowing what he had lost. Two months ago he had her in his arms and for a moment he had her heart, if only he fought harder, tried harder to keep her but instead he let her go as if that night meant nothing, as if that whole day never happened. Tears dropped and he wiped them away with his hands. He looked away, turning to the crowd that applauded the newly--semi newly married couple.

FLASHBACK

A few days passed since that day in his house, his living room and his bedroom. It was a subject she quickly avoided, especially when they were both alone in a room, she'd quickly change the subject and wished on her breaking heart that someone would step in the room anytime soon, hopefully now but no one ever did, so they settled with whatever topic each one came with. His heart sunk at the thought of not being able to hold her or talk about what happened between them. Every time she'd excuse herself before ever letting him see how she was feeling.

Once he made a bold move, grabbing her hand before she managed to leave his house. She turned around, her eyes watery. "I'm sorry, Lucas but I can't do this…I can't do this to Jason. I love you, I do but I'm with him now. That night…I'll never forget it but we have to move on and stop living in the past. There's so much out there and right now my future is with him."

"Don't I get a say in this? What about me Peyton, what about my heart and how much it's killing me right now to see you go? What about our future, our family?" He squeezed their hands tighter, his eyes crying the same way as hers.

"I have to go," She turned away.

END FLASHBACK

Ever since that day, it was never spoken about again. It was just merely another section in their memory book. Some memories last while other fade away but this was one he would never want to forget.

He smiled at the sight of his son running towards him.

"Daddy, daddy." He yelled excitedly.

"Hey buddy," as he picked him up and walked towards the crowd that surrounded the two brunettes that just renewed their vows.

"Daddy how do you say the word again?"

"One more time, con-gra-tu-la-tions." Saying each syllable slowly so his son could say the word.

"Con-gra-tu-la-tions." Copying his dad.

They stepped forward to the crowd, his son still in his arms as he watched the two being bombarded by with congratulations and great wishes. They waited until the crowd dwindled and it became just father and son until another couple came, someone he wasn't really up to seeing.

"Uncle Nathan! Aunt Haley! Congratumalations." He said excitedly.

"Honey, say it slower, you'll get it right." She patted his head and gave her son a kiss on the cheeks.

"Mommy! Ewww." He hid his face into his dad's shoulder.

"You're such a brat!" She kissed him again as she went around Lucas. For a second her body pressed right along his and that moment, his heart stopped and he felt flushed overwhelmed with the feeling he loved her too damn much. So much it hurt to just be around her.

"Daddy, make mommy stop."

"Are you okay? You look pale?" She asked worriedly.

"Huh?" He snapped out of it. "I'm okay, just the weather I guess, it changes from hot to cold and you just don't know how you're body is going to take it. I'm going to say congratulations to Nathan and Haley. C'mon kiddo you ready to try again?"

He stepped away from her and the newly married again couple. "Congratulations Hales," giving her a hug. "Congrats Nathan you better not hurt her or I'll kick your ass." Giving his half brother a hug.

"You know me I'm not up to making the same mistake twice," he said as he let go.

"Con-gra-tu-la-tions Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan."

"Thanks little muchkin," they both replied in unison as they both kissed him in the cheeks.

"How come it's okay for your Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan but it's yucky when mommy kisses you?"

"Because mommy's mouth came from someone else's mouth." He answered back.

The three adults laughed. For a kid he knew too much and it was their fault to exposing him to such things.

"Now don't say that in front of mommy, you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings."

"Okay, I'm sorry." Giving his dad a hug as he wrapped his short arms around his neck.

"Tell me what?" She asked as she came closer, hearing some parts of their conversation.

"Nothing, mommy. When are you and daddy getting married?"

Everyone was caught off guard as the two looked at each other. How were they suppose to answer that type of question.

"Mommy loves Jason, they will be getting married." He answered as he turned away to face his younger brother.

"Who does daddy love?"

Could he really answer with what his heart was telling him? No, he turned slightly, catching a glimpse of her with the corner of his eyes. "I love you, mommy, your Aunt Hales, Uncle Nathan, Grandma and so on."

"Who loves daddy?"

"I'm not sure…" he answered truthfully.

"I love you daddy."

"I love you to kiddo."

The sight in front of her broke her heart. It was her fault that he felt that way and that he felt unloved. If he only he knew but things were different now, she had another kid on the way and she was unsure of whose it was. But she knows this much, it was Jason that she had slept with first that night and there was a bigger chance that it could be his.

She broke the moment by speaking up. "We just wanted to say congratulations to the both of you. I wished I could have been there when you two first said your vows." Her eyes started to get watery as she hugged Haley. "You're a great guy Nathan, sucks it took you a while to get there." She joked. "Seriously, well Jason and I got you this." She handed them a box. "Hope you guys like it. We have to go for a bit, I'll see you later at the cafe."

"Congratulations you two. I wish you the best even though I know you don't need it." He offered Haley a handshake but she refused.

"Come here Jason you big goof, give me a hug."

"Sorry," he blushed.

"Nathan, congrats"

"Thanks, man."

"I'll see you guys later." He turned around and walked over to where she stood, he gave her a quick peck on the lips and then two walked away.

"Are you okay Luke?" She asked.

"I still love her." He answered, his eyes blinking as he watched her walk away with someone else.

"Luke…"

"It's okay Hales, I'm not a kid anymore. I can handle a heart break."

"Daddy loves mommy."

"Yes he does son, yes he does."


	24. Lifetime Of Regrets

They walked the remainder of the beach with the sunset behind them. The clouds filled with multiple horizons as the colors overtake the pale blue sky it usually held.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asked as he turned towards her, stopping them as they stood at the other end of the beach.

"This was our first date." She smiled.

"I had to ask you out about five times just to get you to say yes. I remember when I first came to this town. My uncle needed my help in order to get THUD started again, then I saw you."

"I noticed, then you quickly looked away when I spotted you."

"I was never shy, not even in high school, then I saw your blonde ringlets flow from the corner of my eyes as you turned away again."

"Your uncle was ready to introduce you until you knocked over the shelf that you didn't happen to see." She laughed.

"Hey, I had my reasons, there was this really beautiful girl that had me distracted…What's on your mind baby, I know you wouldn't have brought me out here if it wasn't such a big deal."

"Do you still remember that Jason, our first date? I can't believe that was your first time ever on a beach."

"That wasn't the only thing you couldn't believe about me." He teased.

"Shut up! How was I suppose to know? You're way too cute for someone that old." She said, mimicking his tone.

"…and you love this old guy…" He smiled as he kissed her on the lips.

"You're not that old," she replied, kissing him back as she wrapped her arms around his body.

"Not even for a guy who has three kids of his own?"

"Three? When did this happen?" She laughed. "Kid or no kid, old or young, I love you."

"You'll get to met them during our wedding…I'm hoping sooner if Katherine let's them come over during summer break. I offered to pay for their tickets and everything. I really want you to meet them Peyton."

"Me too." She turned away and stared out the water.

FLASHBACK

It was almost the end of their first date.

"I'm really glad I came," she smiled as they walked the length of the pier.

"You know it's kind of strange but my whole life, I've never really been on a beach. Growing up, we were always at the city…playing b-ball with the boys then I had to take care of my sister and my mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm older than thirty."

"You're thirty?" She asked in disbelief.

"Almost thirty-one. Does that bother you?"

"No it's just…it's just you don't look thirty. I just thought that you were my age or closer to it. You don't look thirty at all."

"I guess this would be a bad time to tell you that I also have three kids then?" He asked insecurely.

"It's only our first date, you don't have to tell me your life story." She smiled.

"Only our first date?" He asked smiling.

She nodded. "Want to take a walk on the beach?"

"First time for everything right?"

END FLASHBACK

He stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist as they stared at the water and watched the beauty of the setting amber sun.

"We should get going. They're all probably at the café already."

"They can wait." She responded, turning her head to face him. "I love you." She kissed him.

"I love you too baby." He rested his head on her shoulders. "What was it you needed to tell me?"

"Do you remember when you first told me you had three kids?"

"Yea, I was nervous…I didn't want to lie to you but I also didn't want to scare you, I never felt more scared and nervous at the same time. I swear I felt like a kid who just peed in his pants. I couldn't stop shaking."

"I know," she smiled. "I had to hold your hand to keep you from shaking. I also remember how proud you were of them. I'm sorry they can't be here with you. I don't know how long I can be away from Nicholas, I can't imagine how it would be if Lucas and I had to fight over custody. I'm sorry that had to happen to you."

"It's harder now that I live on the other coast but being with you and having Nicholas around makes it easier. I wish we didn't have a nasty divorce but then again I never really made her out to be such an awful person. She was my first love and I couldn't see past that. I'm glad my Nana didn't buy through all her bullshit."

"You're lucky to have her. She's a really nice woman."

FLASHBACK

"Christopher?"

"Yes Nana?"

"Do you mind going to the kitchen, I made some lemonade."

He stood up and walked over to the kitchen, leaving his grandmother alone with his fiancé.

"Christopher?"

"Hasn't he told you before?"

"No, never." She shook her head. "I guess there's a lot I still need to learn about him."

"Yes you do. I see you're in love."

She immediately blushed she's never met a woman so wise.

"I don't mean with my grandson either. I know you love my grandson and you mean well but your heart isn't in it the way his is." The younger blonde started to cry. "Honey," placing a hand over hers. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. You make Christopher happy and he does as well but your heart is telling you that someone else is there. From what I can tell you're a really kind person not like his ex-wife but that's a whole other story. You know I've actually been there before…my husband and I…before we were married we went through a rough patch. All of sudden, I had this crazy idea what if he leaves me? I started to push him away and eventually he did leave. Then I realized it didn't hurt any less even if I was the one that pushed him away. I was just to scared to admit that I was in love with him the same he was but he never once gave up and for fifty four years we were happily married."

"How did you do it?"

"Let him back in?"

"It was simple…I either live a life full of regrets and what ifs or live the life I've always wanted with the man I knew I would spend the rest of my life with. You have a great heart, don't be afraid of it and what it is capable of doing…it will only hurt you if you let it."

"Here Nana, three cubes of ice just how you like it." He said as he entered the living room.

"Think about it dear," she whispered over to the young woman.

"I hope Nana didn't scare you, she has a tendency of doing so…"

"No," she answered smiling. "So, this Christopher thing…"

"I'm surprised she hasn't told you yet. Christopher Jason or CJ but it never really stuck around and I always liked Jason better."

END FLASHBACK

"You know what Nana told me after she met you?"

"What?" She asked shyly.

"She told me that you were in love." He smiled and kissed her on the lips. "Then I told her I was too."

Her heart pounded nervously as her mind started to race at what was about her heart, how there was someone else. She couldn't escape that fact, even she knew all to well who was still in there. All these years she had been living the life full of regrets and what ifs…

"Baby, I'm pregnant."

"It's not mines," he stared coldly, letting go of her hands as he stepped away. "We better get going before they start to look for us."

**What the hell was going on?**


	25. End Up This Way

She didn't question it or question him. She just followed him to the car without a word. Did he know that there was a possibility that it wasn't his or was he just being a guy?

"I'm sorry…" He looked over at her before they got in the car. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm positive, I took the test before we left today. What are you thinking and what do you mean it's not yours? You leave me here feeling really stupid."

"Because you're playing me like I'm stupid," he started to yell. "It's not mines and you know it. When Peyton huh?" His voice got louder, his eyes started to grow cold. "When the hell did you cheat on me? While I was gone for a week to help out Nana? No, let's not talk about this now, let's just get to the reception and pretend everything is okay, I mean why not? You've been doing it for a couple of months now. We might as well keep on going with that. Get in, I'm driving."

Was she caught, does he know? What does he know? She didn't cheat on him while he was gone. She cheated on him after they just made love. Hours after they had done so, she went searching for her ex who went MIA after tipping a few and when all was said and done, she gave into him, to his devoted love and his drunken words that meant the whole world to the both.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No you're not, you just got caught. We'll talk after, get yourself together and do what you're good at, pretend like everything is okay. You've done a hell of a job so far." He snarled. "You can cry all you want but you did this. You knew how my wife was then you go and do this? I don't know what's worse that I actually trusted you and fell in love with you or the fact that I actually believe you were in love with me, too." He started to yell again.

"I do love you Jason."

"But you're not in love with me, there's a difference Peyton…God, do you even know how much it hurts right now just to be in this car? How much I want to hug you and hold you…just be able to tell you that I forgive but then I'm mad as hell…I just want to be as far as I can be…I'd go to the ends of the world just so I want have to see you…but you mean everything to me, so as of right now, I'm trying to be cool but I can't. So just drop this until tonight. I don't want to ruin Nathan and Haley's day. They deserve to be happy."

"So you're doing this for them?" She asked softly, she was sorry but right now she needed to be strong for Jason. She had no right to cry, she was the one that ruined their relationship.

"And for you, I still love you and I don't want you to see you unhappy in such an occasion. It's our problem and not any body else. I hope your happy with what you've done but as of right now I can't look at you the same way. So let's just get this over with and when the night is done, so are we." He remained cool and calm as he drove. He wasn't the type for shows and right now all he really wanted was to get out of there.

They both fought hard to not show it, stiffening the lump in their throat that caused so much pain as they battled to keep the tears within. There was so much to say, so many questions but right now they were trying to remain calm as a disastrous wave overcame their bodies.

He drove around for a while until he was able to calm down. Anger was something he could never really trust, especially when it came to his. If he weren't with her, he'd be driving a hundred miles per hour to who knows where, anything to feel that adrenaline.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"I guess so…"

They walked in with a fake smile plastered on their face and their hands entwined. It was noticeable amongst her closest friend, they smiled her way and she immediately looked down.

"Let's just say hi and go." She turned to him.

"Fine by me," he answered.

They walked towards Haley and Nathan who were holding champagne and was surrounded by a crowd of people.

"Finally, you guys made it," Nathan said. "We'll know that you're here, we want the speech from the best man."

Haley looked over at Peyton and gave her that questioning look if she was okay. Peyton nodded and smiled then turned to Jason who gave her a quick peck on the lips. It looks like everything is okay.

"C'mon Lucas, we want that speech." Haley raised her glass and so did Nathan.

He picked up his son who was tugging on his pants then looked around the room, which was filled with people that was now staring at him. He cleared his throat then raised his glass up. "To my best friend Haley and to my younger half-brother Nathan, uhm, I don't really have anything prepared so I guess…"

"Con….gra…tu…la…tions Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan."

"Or I can just have my son out do me."

Everyone laughed and cheered on their congratulations. Lucas quickly met Peyton's gaze as she laughed at their son, she gave him a smile and looked away to the couple that was standing next to him.

"First of, congratulations. To be honest, I didn't exactly approve of this couple but then Haley showed me that there are good in other's you just have to be patient. I know you two have been through a lot and through everything you never gave up. You're the everlasting love that everyone whishes for and I hope some day I'll have that as well. Congratulations and we already know that you don't need any luck 'cause your love proves it already. Too many more years." He raised his glass and so did everyone else.

Clink, clink, clink. One after the other everyone tapped his or her glass with someone.

Peyton turned to Jason who was still holding her hand.

"Do you mind, I just want to say congratulations to Nathan and Haley before we go."

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute to do the same."

The two mingled as if it they hadn't hide a fight and that they weren't over, that they were this perfect couple that everyone had learned to adore the past few months, but inside, they were hurting and as much as they wanted to leave they still had to pretend until they talked talk this through.

"You guys were a little late," Haley winked at Peyton.

"Just got a little side track. Sorry for the delay. Well, congratulations you two. I still can't believe it, times just go by really fast."

"Yea, it does." Haley turned her ring. "I hate to keep your husband to be waiting," she pointed past Peyton. "But I think he wants to be with you."

The two girls hugged then Peyton turned to Nathan. "You make a really good husband."

"You'll make a good wife." He smiled then let her go.

"Mommy, mommy." Nicholas tugged on her dress.

"Honey," she picked him up.

"I did it mommy, I said the word."

"Yes, you did." Peyton kissed her son on the cheek.

"Daddy, daddy," he started to move around impatiently as his dad walked towards them.

"I guess we know who his favorite is," Peyton said with a saddened face.

"I love you mommy. I love you and daddy the same."

"I know honey. Do you want to stay with daddy tonight? I mean if that's alright you Lucas."

"Of course, we're gonna play games, stay up all night and eat lots of junk food."

"Lucas!" She slapped his shoulders.

"I'm joking, I'll have him in bed by ten."

"You better, I'll call you tonight before you go to bed." She kissed her son on the lips. "I love you kiddo."

"I love you mommy," He took his little tiny hands and squeezed his moms cheeks then kissed her back on the lips.

"I have to go, Jason's waiting. Bye baby, bye Lucas, tell Nathan and Haley bye for me."

"Will do. C'mon kid, I guess it's just you and me, lets go bug Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley."

She walked up to Jason, who wasn't looking too happy at the moment.

"You guys look like one happy family."

"Jason…"

"Let's just go, I just want to get this over with."

"Did you want to talk to Nathan and Haley first?"

"No, I don't think I'm in the best spirit to do so." He admitted. It should be easy to congratulate a couple but right now, he couldn't even get the nerves to look at Peyton, his soon to be ex-fiancé.

They left the party with the same fake smile plastered on their face that they came in with.

She bit her lip and contemplated on whether or not she should ask. She wanted, needed to know how he knew that it wasn't his, how he was so positive about it.

"What?" He asked angrily as he drove at the normal speed.

"How are you sure that it isn't yours, what if it is?"

"You couldn't even deny it Peyton. I mean the moment I brought it up, that it wasn't mines you never denied it. Be real here, I'm 31 and have three kids. I should have been honest when we first met, but I thought you would have figured out by now. After our third kid my ex-wife and I decided that three was enough. We were still young and that many kids were a lot of responsibility. So we both made the decision that I get a vasectomy. So you see, there's no way, that kid inside of you is mines. I should have seen it though, I mean, how stupid can I be? I saw it you know? The past month you and Lucas has been acting weird even with everyone, there was that weird vibe. I ignored it thinking it was nothing, I really should have known. Let's just end it this way and not let a good thing go bad. You love him, you more than love him and as much as it kills me to say this, you deserve to be happy and if it's with Lucas go ahead. But just to let you know, you hurt me like no one else could have. Not even my ex-wife, we had a kid so that's one of the reasons why I stayed but with you it was different, I truly felt that you were the one. If I'm mad, hell yes, if I'm staying in Tree Hill, I doubt that, not after this. I can't…being with you right now just hurts too much. I'm not sure when but I'll be going back to California, I don't want to leave this place since it has been my home for a while now and with Nana here, I just don't want to but I don't know how my heart can take it, seeing you around." He parked the car and took the key of ignition.

"Jason, I'm so sorry, I never meant to."

"Would you have told me, if I hadn't known?"

"I don't know…I probably would have after a while, with what your grandma said, eventually I would have told you, once after I had the guts to, I was too scared to lose you. You've been a big part of my life and also Nicholas', I just didn't want to lose a good thing, I didn't want to lose a good guy like you."

"You already have. Like I said, I don't want to end this with us fighting and yelling it really isn't worth it. We had a good thing and I don't want to mess that up with some stupid fight that's truly pointless. Good-bye Peyton."

"Bye Jason. I'm sorry, I really am."

"I know and that's what makes it hurt even more."


	26. Greatest Downfall

She cried herself red, until her eyes were bloodshot and pouring of nothing more than dry air. She forced herself to think about what she had done, the mistake she made when she slept with Lucas while she was with Jason, and the stupidity of not using some form of birth control. That's everyone's mistake right? When you're in too the moment and things are getting too heavy and intense, the one thing you don't want to do is stop, it just ruins the moment, even just for a second when you have to pause to put a condom on. It wasn't on her mind or his, it never really occurred to her really, with what she had been through during that week, the one thing she knew she wanted was physical pleasure, to be touched, kissed and be held so adoringly.

That night, after crying over Lucas and their fight in his backyard, she ended up in her fiancés arms. His naïve-ness pierced in his eyes as he bought her lie about why she had been crying. She was crying because of Lucas, because for the first time she's finally come to terms that they aren't together and she's with a man she could never see forever with, maybe a couple of years but never forever.

How stupid could she have been? Sex seems to be the one thing she ran to when she felt weak and vulnerable, it's like she's suddenly this young, naïve, teenage girl who used sex as a weapon, a weapon to her own sadness. Honestly this year was the worst for her, Jason was out of town and it was Lucas at her side, like he had always been the past years, then to be held by him and sleep next to him like time hadn't past by and there were no distance in between. Then the stupid confession of her status with Jason, "fiancé", the look on Lucas' face was heartbreaking, she held him too close knowing he never wanted to move on with anyone else, and then that stupid fight, the fight that called it the end for them. She went home that night broken with Jason, hoping to be mended by her own fiancé, having sex, trying to fix herself. Then a simple phone call was all it took. She left the house so suddenly and quickly to go and find an ex who happens to be her son's father.

That night stayed fresh in her mind, she can still taste the alcohol in their mouths, and there were times she'd wake up from a dream and she can feel him inside of her, moving, thrusting. His kisses, soft, wet, her body moist of sweat, she'd turn to her side and it was Jason she was sleeping next to, then she'd squeeze her legs from the excitement of her dream, too bad it was just a dream and it wasn't Lucas' that was next to her.

Months later from all of this, she's pregnant and without a fiancé, pregnant without the father of her second child to be who also happens to be the father of her first child. Oh how the world works, the cruel way it slowly tortures her, makes her cry until she's blue inside and dry to bone.

The phone rang and she took her fingers to wipe the fallen tears. Her wet face that longed to be dried, smoothed and have a happy smile.

"Hel…lo" she managed to crack.

"Hey, uh…you okay? Nicholas wants to talk to you before he went to bed."

"Sorry, I got…I sort of got distracted, is it ten already?"

"A little bit past that. Hold on let me grab him." He walked into his son's room, to find him already under the blanket ready to sleep.

"Hi mommy."

"Hi baby. I miss you."

"I'm only at daddy's."

"I know," she cried. "Sorry I forgot to call."

"It's okay. I love you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight baby."

Lucas took the phone and tucked in Nicholas. "Peyton?"

"It's nothing Luke, I'm just tired that's all. I have to go. Goodnight."

"Peyt…" He tried again.

"Don't worry about, I'm fine. Bye."

She hung up the phone without a second thought, without any hesitation. She put it back on its place, setting it back down on the charger.

The phone rang again and she didn't bother to pick up this time. She knew who it is and why he was calling back. Lucas was the first thing she needed but the last person she wanted to talk to. Peyton didn't have the nerves to speak of the truth in fact she still couldn't process it. She was pregnant for the second time with the same guy who's been in love with her since their last year of high school.

She turned to her side facing the opened door. Slowly, it began to blur and it all disappeared as she cried herself to sleep.

Jason lies awake with his hands behind his head. He knew it was the right thing to do, to have broken of their relationship but why did it hurt so bad. It hurt so much that he couldn't breathe. He couldn't close his eyes because the image burned in his head of his ex fiancé and her ex lover. He couldn't sleep a single second. It was just so surreal, how everything just came crashing down, how his perfect little world with the woman he loved, and the one he thought he could spend a lifetime with had betrayed him. Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer had deceived their love, broke his heart and had another baby on the way with the same man who fathered her first child. That's when it finally hit him that it was over and there was no more wedding and as much as he loved her and longed to just hold her in his arms, there was no way his heart can forgive this. He was too blind and too naïve to not see it, to not see what was really there between the two. His own downfall, he was too nice to think of anyone in such a bad way. Now he knows better.

Lucas stared at the ceiling with Peyton on his mind. The sound of her voice, sending chills down his spine as he remembered the pain in them. He just wanted to be there for her.

He won't be able to sleep if he didn't do anything about it. He picked up his son who was too tired to be awakened by such a movement. He drove with the radio on silent and his eyes trailing off to the backseat of the car where Nicholas was asleep.

Lucas unlocked the door with the hidden key and put it back where it belongs. Quietly he snuck up the stairs and tucked in their son in his own room.

He walked down the hall and saw Peyton curled up in a ball at the edge of her bed. He stood by the doorway for a while and watched the broken figure.

"I'm so sorry," Lucas whispered. He wasn't sure why but he knew he was sorry for something.

"Me too," she answered.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just thought that you needed someone." He walked over to the bed and sat down.

"No, I fell asleep for a little while and then I had this terrible nightmare that everyone was gone. I can't do this…I can't keep living like this. I miss him Luke, I miss Jason." She stared up at him, her eyes blood shot red.

"What happened?" He asked as he hid his own pain.

"He broke up with me, he broke it off…he had every right to, I cheated on him. He knows Luke he knows we slept together. I lost a good guy because of one stupid night. It only takes one night…it always does. There's no wedding…no happily ever after. I should have known it only exists in books and not in real life."

"Is…is that what you really think? That it was stupid? That night when we made love was stupid? God Peyton, can't you see what you're doing and how much you keep hurting me? I love you Peyton but I can't keep doing this. I can't have you telling me one thing and then another the next minute. Am I stupid? What is it? Is it me? Am I not good enough? It's not fair dammit. You can't keep doing this to me. I love you with all my heart Peyt don't leave me like this." He begged as he held her hands.

"You should go, you shouldn't even be here, I can't take back that night and I sure as hell can't do this right now, I told you I was fine. You shouldn't have come here at all. You just wasted your time. There's nothing left in me, I'm just a selfish human being with no heart, I'm dead Luke, I'm dead inside."

"You're not baby," he wiped her tears. "We're only human and we make mistakes. It was wrong how it happened but it did happen. I'm glad he knows, not because I want you but maybe it's for the best. I know you love me and deep down you know it to. You know there was no way you'll ever be happy marrying him. It'll just be a lie, you'll be living a lie and that isn't a fairy tale ending."

"You don't know Lucas, you don't know how much it hurts, how badly it's killing me. I can't be with you. I don't think I ever can. I can't live with this guilt, there's just too much regrets, things I should have done…but it's too late." She cried softly. Everything in her mind was just tumbling around and she wasn't sure how much more she could take.

"It's never too late, not with us, I'll always be here like I've always been."

"I don't deserve love, I don't deserve you. Just trust me on this, I'm no good for you Luke, you deserve someone better, someone honest. Someone who can love you back…someone who won't ruin your life. Move on, just move on."

"Every person deserves happiness Peyton. You're the only one for me and you'll always be that. You're such a great person inside and out. You're honest, smart, and beautiful, you're a great mom to your son who loves you so much and I love you Peyt. I love you for all those reasons and more."

"It's better this way Luke, there's no us if there is no me."

"What are you saying?"

"I have to find myself first before I can be with someone. I can't give you pieces of me when I'm yearning to be whole. I have to do this alone, you should go…this time don't turn around and look back."

"Peyt…"

"Luke, I'm pregnant."

He was stunned. Pregnant?

"Are you sure…is it mines?"

"Yes I'm sure and no it's not yours the timing is of."

What the hell is happening? This isn't real, he was just dreaming, he was having a nightmare. He fell asleep on his bed and stayed there.

"It's over Lucas, it's really over."


	27. Her Evolution

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Peyton was lying the moment she told Lucas that she was pregnant and that it wasn't his. When his mind cleared up and the anger finally subsided he put the two together within time and realized that she was carrying his child. Who the hell would break up with someone knowing they were carrying your child, as much as it hurt that she cheated on you, there's just so much there to throw out. At least to Lucas, he wouldn't throw shit away within a heartbeat.

When he finally got his head all cleared up, he walked back up the stairs to her room.

"Peyt, can we talk please?" He asked in a low huffed voice.

"There's no point Lucas." She cried loudly. "We're over…Jason and I are over…I'm all alone again."

He walked towards her fragile body that was curled on the floor. He sat next to her in an odd position, balancing himself with one arm. He moved strands of wet hair and wiped away her tears.

"You've still got me. I'm always here for you."

"I lied to you Lucas. I hurt you. I don't know why you keep staying. Just stay away, it's better that way."

"Baby I love you, that's why I keep staying…I love you Peyt." He laid down besides her placing his forehead next to hers. "We're gonna get through this just fine. It'll be okay."

"No it won't…this baby was just a mistake…they're all mistakes…this…" She pointed at her stomach. "Us."

"Peyt you're wrong. This baby wasn't a mistake, nothing between us will ever be a mistake, it happened…it's fate…I love you…don't do this…don't push me away…baby please." He pleaded, his eyes glistening in the pale moonlight that entered her room.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." She put both hands on his chest and pushed him away. "If you hadn't gotten drunk and left that night, I wouldn't be here. This is all your fault Lucas…all your fault that I'm here…that Jason broke up with me…just leave me the hell alone. You're the biggest mistake I made, I hate you." She yelled and punched.

"Baby…" He held her arms down. "Don't do this Peyt…" He started to cry as he weakened in front of her. "You don't mean that, you don't mean any of it. You love me…"

"No, I hate you…I fucking hate you Lucas." She kicked and punched trying to push him out of the way.

He grabbed both wrists and straddled her down to the ground.

"Stop!" He yelled back. "Just stop." He painfully cried as he felt the hot tears touch his cheek. "Fine, alright, fine. You win, we're over but don't ever say we were a fucking mistake…that Nicholas was a fucking mistake…that what we had was a mistake…never ever is a child a mistake…don't you ever fucking say that…" He shouted angrily, his chest puffed in and out quickly. "Don't you ever say that what we had was mistake." He let go of her hands as he weakly stood up. "Don't ever…" He whispered quietly. "Don't ever…" He repeated as he collapsed back down to the floor. "Our kids aren't a mistake." He rocked back and forth, completely losing all that he ever knew.

She tore him into pieces within seconds' time. His eyes burned with tears and his ears rang with hurtful words. The sight of her stung him and it pained his heart to hear such cruel things. He felt weak and for the first time ever he realized just how much he truly did love her but now even that isn't enough for him.

He could have sat there and waited until she apologized but he wasn't one of her biggest fan at the moment. He wanted to be told that everything was okay and that she meant none of it.

"I have to go," he whispered. He got up then watched her for a few seconds. "I'm taking Nicholas back home with me." His tone was different, nothing of how Lucas would usually sound like, not even while he was drunk, there was no heart, no life, he was empty.

She looked up at him. His once glimmering baby blue was gone and was replaced by a darker tone she couldn't recognize. She opened her mouth to say something.

"Don't…you already said everything you wanted. Bye Peyton."

She nodded her head and watched him walk away.

There was a dramatic sound as he approached Nicholas' room. Slowly and gently like earlier before, he picked his son up.

She cried louder as she heard the footsteps getting lower each second. She was truly alone now. No Jason, no Lucas and no Nicholas.

An hour later she stood up and collapsed on the bed. Shaking and crying, she tried to cry herself asleep. It didn't work, nothing worked. Tired and exhausted, she laid curled up on the bed. Her body twisted around in to a comfortable fetal position.

The next morning she was in front Lucas front door. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were red and there was a black circle around them from lack of sleep. She rang the doorbell and stood again with her arms crossed.

He stepped out of his bed exhaustedly. The floors creaked under each step. Tiredly, he twisted the knob not really knowing whom to expect.

"Peyton?"

"Do you think…can we talk?" She asked quietly as her voice cracked and the tears became visible again.

He shrugged his shoulder. "There's nothing to talk about anymore." He said with a flat tone.

"Baby…" She tried to grab his hand. "I'm so sor…"

"You're not," he quickly answered. "Like you said it's over."

"Let me explain." She stepped forward.

"We were a mistake isn't that what you said?"

"Yea…but…"

"Then there's no need to explain."

"I'm trying here Luke…meet me half way."

"I have Peyton." His eyes started to get watery and his voice started to crack. "I've tried Peyt. I gave you all of me and I kept giving you that each time. So if you're asking me to meet you halfway the answer is no. It was all a mistake right?"

"That's not what I meant…I was upset…"

"Well I'm thinking straight. You broke me…when all I tried to do was fix you."

"I know…" She tried approaching him again.

He shook his head no and backed away. "I can't be him any more. I can't be your rock, your go to guy…I can't keep doing this to myself."

"Wh-what are you saying?"

"I'm letting you go. Set you free and let you be who you want to be."

"Will you be there waiting?"

"No," he shook his head.

Tears fell from her eyes. "I understand," she nodded her head.

"It hurts to say it but it's the truth. I'm not letting you go or setting you free to see if you will come back to me. I won't be this guy that keeps saving you then suddenly becomes the bad guy again because things aren't going well with you. Dammit you fucking broke me into a million pieces…what the hell am I suppose to do now?"

"I…" She didn't know, she wasn't sure. "I don't know…"

"You didn't mean to right? It still hurts, I look at you and all I want to do is hurt you the way you hurt me. I just want to hold you and tell you everything's okay, you know? That we'll get passed this…whatever it is we're going through but I know in my heart that it isn't okay. I don't want to put you through this but this is the way you wanted it."

"Can I say bye to our son first? I want to let him know that I'll be gone for a while."

"Your…your leaving?"

She nodded her head. "I think it's the best for all of us. If you're setting me free then I'm going for it. I never meant to hurt you the way I did but the fact is I did hurt you. I don't know how to look at you without crying…without feeling guilty. I want to be with you but not if you don't want to be with me. Who knows maybe someday…"

"Do you really have to leave?"

"Are you going to tell me that you don't want me to leave?"

"No, I won't stop you. Go ahead, come in." he opened the door wider. "It didn't have to be like this you know."

She walked in. "I'm sorry that it is." She turned her head to him.

"Me, too."

"I love you Lucas."

"I wish that it was enough."

"Yea…me too."

She walked into the hall that creaked as she slowly made her way to her son's room.

"Mommy."

"Hi baby," she fought back the tears.

"Mommy, why you cry?"

"No…mommy just have allergies."

"Like daddy? Daddy is crying too." He pointed by the door where Lucas was standing.

"Yea…look baby…be good for daddy okay? Mommy will be gone for a while but I promise to call you every morning and every night." She kissed her son on the forehead.

"Mommy where you going?"

"Mommy has to fix a few things. Mommy will be back. I promise. Be good for daddy okay."

"Okay…are you leaving me and daddy."

Peyton looked back at Lucas who had tears in his eyes.

"No, mommy's not leaving us. She'll be back kiddo. Kiss mommy bye."

"Bye mommy. I love you."

"I love you too baby. Be good okay? Take care of daddy for me."

"Yes mommy."

She stood up and turned around to him. "Bye Lucas." She walked past him and didn't look back.

He grabbed her hand. "Bye Peyt."

"Can you tell me one thing?" She looked straight ahead into the empty hall. "Tell me that you love me." She looked down at the floor.

"I love you with all of my heart."

She wanted to breakdown, to fall weak on the floor. She kept walking, regretting the moment she called him a mistake…their kids a mistake.

First things first before she makes a clean slate out of Tree Hill. She had to stop over by Jason's house and return a couple of things.

He opened the door with the same beat up face she had.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm returning a couple of things. Here's your ring. I never should have accepted it. I never deserved it. I'm also giving you back your heart. I did love you Jason but for all the wrong reasons. I never meant to hurt you."

"I guess this is it then…this is goodbye."

"I'm so sorry…"

"Let's leave it to this. Goodbye Peyton."

"Goodbye Jason."


	28. Everything, Not Alone

It has been nearly four weeks since she said by to her son and bye to her life in Tree hill. Twenty-six phone calls in the morning and another set of twenty-six phone calls at night to her son just to say hi, good morning and good night, maybe a little conversation here and there to spark up her day or night.

It was hard at first, having to be away from the only place she knew, to leave behind all the people she loved. The first day was the hardest to say the least.

FLASHBACK

She woke up at a motel she once stayed in with her former. It wasn't far from Tree Hill but after a couple of hours of driving and crying she had to stop and sleep, get some rest before she literally drove her self insane. She remembered the place as she passed it by, a place that felt safe when everything around her was slowly crumbling down but at least before she had someone next to her and this time she had no one and it was all to her own doing.

She picked up her phone and dialed the familiar numbers. She waited for an answer while wiping away her tears.

"Hel-lo," he answered sleepily.

"Uh…uhm…morning Luke, can I talk our…can I talk to Nicholas."

"Yea, let me just get him. So, how's the road trip?" He wiped his eyes tiredly.

"Okay so far," she shrugged.

"Where you headed?"

"Just travel along the coast, I guess. I haven't really thought about it. I think I should have planned this out before I left." She laughed.

"Yea, you should have. Maybe next time you'll bring along other people with you." He sighed and threw the covers back on him.

He wanted to tell her how much he missed her and so did she but it wasn't going to happen.

"Maybe next time." The tears weld up in her eyes and her voice started to give way. She stood up and started pacing around. "Uhm…is Nicholas up yet?"

"Oh yea, sorry, I got kind of distracted. I guess I should get out of bed and actually walk to his room."

"That will help." She giggled. "I'm okay Luke, this is something I had to do. I'll be okay and you don't have to worry."

"I still worry Peyton, how can I not? This is the first time you left Tree Hill on your own, without Haley, without me...I just wish I can be there with you." He whispered the last words as he caved in to his emotions.

"Luke…" She cried through the phone, she wished she were there next to him instead of the empty motel room.

He threw the covers off him. "Peyt just listen, I know last time we saw each other it didn't end well but I was pissed you know? You lied to me…you hurt me…but I love you so much and that's worth more than anything. I know that and I've always known it but baby you just broke me and it hurt so much, more than before." He sat up on the bed and ran his hands threw his morning 'do.

She cried as she heard the words, she knew just how much she hurt him this time. She can still remember the look in his eyes, how empty he felt, the broken heart that lay on the floor as he walked away.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could take the words back, I wish I can take that night back." She stopped and sat on the chair and started to doodle on the pad she took out last night.

"But that's us Peyton, we always find our way back. Why don't you come back home?"

"I can't, not now. I have to do this, for me, for us. I can't keep treating you like this, it's unfair to you and Nicholas. I want our baby to grow up in an environment he can trust. I don't want Nicholas seeing us go through this thing where it's back and forth we are together then we aren't. He doesn't need to see that, he doesn't need to hear us arguing either. Me leaving was for the best, we both know that."

"And that's what sucks. I just wish I could change it for the both of us. I never would have let you go the first time around. I hate this Peyt, why can't we get it back…the way it use to be, when it was good, when none of this shit mattered and we were happy. Baby we were happy once right?"

"Yea…yea we were." She nodded and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too Peyt. I miss you."

"I miss you too. I wish you were here right now."

"Why don't you come home…come back here with us, with me and Nicholas, it's where you belong."

"I can't Luke, I really want to but it'll just be the same again I'll keep running away when things get to intense, just give me time and try fix this…fix me…you said it yourself, you've tried fixing me, fixing us and nothing worked. Just let me do this and I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise."

"Baby I love you."

"I love you too Luke." She wiped her tears. "I'll be home soon. Tell Nicholas I love him and I'll call a little later. I don't want him to hear me like this. I'll talk to you later Luke. Bye."

"Peyt, wait."

"Luke, I love you but I can't do this right now. It just hurts too much and I can't do this right now, I'll call in a little bit."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye."

END FLASHBACK

So fifty-two phone calls in total and only the first one had real substance to it. Neither was prepared for the things they just came out with and talking about it again was so much harder than they anticipated. Peyton couldn't get herself together to bring up the subject again, she tried, she did but when it came down to it she was still to chicken to face the truth and the pain she was putting Lucas through for her distance.

Although Lucas tried to give her space and ignore the subject, he couldn't talk to her without hurting so to make it slightly easier for the both, he only said his usual hello's and how are you's before handing the phone to their son.

Being naïve, young and innocent, Nicholas saw nothing of the pain his parents were going through, which they hoped and prayed he never would.

Back on the road with the top down and a slight warm breeze blowing by, she drove with pure happiness in her from finally knowing and seeing things clearly. She finally resolved her own issues because she wanted to and she fought like hell every night, battling the tears and the urge to come back home where she didn't have to go through it alone or better yet, not go through it at all.

With the phone in her hand she dialed again the seven familiar numbers.

"Mommy!"

"Hi baby. I missed you."

He grabbed the phone and heard the last part. "Awww Peyt, I missed you too." He said in a little baby voice.

"Funny Luke, ha-ha."

"Well, so how are you…you're awfully cheery this morning."

"I am," she smiled. "I have a reason to be."

"That's good, that's nice to here Peyton. When are you coming back?"

"Soon, real soon. If I keep driving at this rate, I'll probably be home in a couple of days. I still got a long way but at least I'm headed back. I really missed Tree Hill."

"Tree Hill missed you."

"What about you Luke, did you miss me?" She asked in flirting manner, somewhat serious and somewhat joking.

"I missed you a lot. What about you did you miss me?" He flirted back.

"Of course, more than anything, I missed you and Nicholas. I missed my family."

"Well the little peanut misses you to, he's actually been tugging on my pants for the phone back."

"Let me talk to him."

"I'm hurt, first you say you miss me then, you don't want to talk to me anymore. Don't pull my heartstrings just to break it."

"You know I love you Luke."

"Yea? You mean it?" He asked with hope.

"Always have."

"Alright, well Nicholas is being a little impatient and Peyt."

"Yea?"

"I love you too." He smiled.

"I really missed you Luke."

"Come home soon will ya?"

"I'll do my best," She smiled.

"Hi mommy."

"Hi baby. I missed you."

"I missed you too, me and daddy can't wait until you get back here. You've been going a long time mommy."

"I know baby and I'm sorry. I brought you back some stuff and I got you new toys."

"Thank you mommy. I love you."

"I love you too honey. Tell daddy I had to go okay?"

"Yes mommy."

"Be good for daddy and I'll be home soon."

"Okay mommy, I love you bye."

She hung up the phone and read the sign to her right.

"Welcome to Tree Hill…home sweet home."

So she lied, she wanted to surprise them but little did she know that she was the one that was being surprised. Everything was turning out alright.

She drove the well-known streets she grew up with and turned to the final corner that sent her back home. She got out the car and fixed her clothing and her wind blown hair, which was now a couple inches shorter and lighter, but still the same curls everyone knew of.

Nervously she walked up the porch and rang the doorbell.

He wasn't expecting anyone. It was too early for anyone to come over. His son and him had just finished breakfast and ten minutes ago, they just hung up with Peyton. He carried his son with one arm and opened the door with another.

"Peyt?"

"Mommy!" He yelled.

"I'm home." She threw her arms around the both of them.


	29. They're All Lies

She was really there, she was really home and she was staring into their eyes. _Home_, she missed home, she missed them, she missed her family. She couldn't choose between her two favorite guys, which one she missed the most. The man that help give her other favorite guy or the little man himself? Honestly there were no words to describe how she was feeling right now.

She cries as she holds the both of them in her arms, never had she had this feeling before, being completely overwhelmed with happiness. She inhales their scent and smiles with such joy that tears welled up in her eyes.

"Mommy why you cry?"

"Mommy just missed you so much baby." She grabbed a hold of her son, engulfed him in a tight hug, ran her hands through his hair and kissed him all over the face, which he squirmed away from.

"Ill Mommy…yucky." He wiped at his face, using his shirt as a towel.

Lucas looked at her, the both of them. He smiled as he saw his family in front of him, in his arms, as they should be.

"I missed the both of you so much," she admits, as if it had to be said through words.

She wiped her tears and then kissed her son again then kissed Lucas, unmistakably on the lips without a doubt of fear.

"Ewww, mommy and daddy kissing."

They both pulled away, smiling at each other.

"You mister are in so much trouble." She took her son from Lucas, carrying him in her arms. "You're getting heavy there, what has daddy been feeding you?"

"Grandma's food!"

He looked down, almost in an embarrassed way, he cooked and he was pretty good at it but with Peyton gone, he just couldn't do it. He was too worried about her and how she was doing that he couldn't get up and do his usual daily jobs without once thinking all he wanted to do all day was sleep.

She broke his thoughts as she brushed his cheek and ran her finger on his longer hair. He looked up and she smiled.

"I'm so sorry Luke."

"It's okay you're back now."

"Yay! Mommy is back. I missed you mommy."

"Guess what mommy bought you while she was in her road trip?"

"TOYS! Can we go get them now?"

"Tell you what, I'll get your toys and why don't you and mommy go inside. Mommy must be tired from driving all day long."

"Thanks Luke." She gave him a peck on the lips as he passed by to go to her car and get all the toys she accumulated the past month from all the different cities she visited.

She walked into the house carrying her son in her arm. It still looked the same except for the piles of messes he had left over the past weeks she was gone.

"Why don't we help daddy clean up the house?"

"Daddy said to leave it there and…and there…that it just gets messy again. Daddy was sad when you were gone mommy. He didn't want to do anything. Uncle Nate and Aunt Hales was here a lot."

Lucas heard as he was walking back to the house. He heard the last part of the conversation and it was something he didn't want Peyton to know, how badly broken up he was when Peyton left.

She heard the rustling of the bag and turned around to see him, caught in the act of not wanting to be known.

He gave her a smile, one she's seen to many times in the past when things we're down and out.

"Hey baby why don't you get the toys from daddy and go to your room. I'll be there in a few minutes to play with you."

"Okay, mommy."

Nicholas let go of his mom's hand and quickly ran to his dad with his hand in front of him ready to grab the bags of toys.

"What do you say to mommy first?"

Nicholas turned around with the bag of toys in his hands. "Thank you mommy."

"Alright go to your room then me and mommy will be there to play with you."

He ran to his room with two big bags of toys in his hand, singing a song he just made up, something he learned form his Aunt Haley.

They both watched their son, standing ten feet away from each other.

He looked at her and she looked at him. Neither had a smile on their face.

He remained in his place, closing the door behind him as he leaned against it.

"What's going on Luke?" She walked to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

"You should have still told me. God, baby I'm so sorry. If I knew I wouldn't have left."

"But you did…" He looked down with his hands in his pocket.

"I don't know what to say Luke."

"You're back now that's all that matters."

She placed her head on his chest, breathing the same way he was, listening to his heart.

"You're my world Peyt and when you left, the moment you were gone a part of me…it just…it was gone Peyt. I couldn't eat, sleep…I couldn't do anything without you. I felt bad that I couldn't take care of my kid and that my brother and sister in law had to help me out everyday and that my mom had to stop by just to feed us. I'm lost without you Peyt. I've never been more lost until the day you left. You're never leaving again you know that?"

"I didn't mean for things to get this way, I didn't know Lucas."

"When you were with Jason I was fine with it. At least I was still able to see you, talk to you, touch you…" He placed his hands on her waist, turned his head and kissed her cheek. "…kiss you…make love to you…Look uhm…before you left you said you were pregnant."

"I did," she nodded.

"Are you?"

She looked up, staring into his eyes.

"Yes."

"Who's…who's the father?" He stuttered.

"He was pissed when I told him that I was pregnant. He was distant at first and I didn't get why."

"He's stupid Peyt."

"No he's not Lucas. He knew he knew that I slept with you and that I cheated on him. He deserved better than that, he deserves someone that will treat him better than I did. I hope he finds someone."

"Do you still love him?"

Her eyes opened wide.

"I care for him and I always will. He called…he called while I was on the road."

"Oh, what did he say?"

"He was just checking up, asking how we were doing. I told him that we weren't together."

"Who's the father Peyt? I need to know."

"He told me he couldn't have any more kids, that it was impossible. After three kids with his first wife he got his tubes tied."

"I'm the father?"

"Again, yes. How are we gonna do this Luke?"

"We'll get through this as a family. Like we always have."

"We haven't been a family in a while. I've been so damn broken all this time that I've fucked up everything that's ever close to me."

"We just have to take it one day at a time Peyt."

"And then what? Those days will turn to weeks then months and then years…what happens then? I just…I can't do this anymore Luke. I can't keep going like this. It just hurts too much."

"What happened to the happy Peyton I was talking earlier, the one that was out on the road?"

"She came back to Tree Hill and all the things she was running from is here."

"You've got to let it go Peyt. You can't keep blaming yourself for their deaths. You can't keep thinking this way. Baby, it wasn't your fault, don't let that guilt eat you alive."

"I can't, I have to go. Tell Nicholas I'll be back in a little while."

"Where are you going now?"

"I don't know. I just need to get out of here."

"But you just got here."

"I know and I can't be. I thought I was okay but I'm not. I'm sorry I have to go."

"Peyt…"

"I'm sorry Lucas, I can't stay."

He watched her as she walked away once more. She opened the door and walked away from her family once again.

All he could do was watch as she drove away.

"Daddy where's mommy?"

"She went to go visit grandma and grandpa."

"Can we go to?"

"Not right now, mommy needs to talk to them first."


	30. Keep Breathin'

What was she doing running away again? Obviously being away from Tree Hill for almost a month didn't do her any good. Sure she was free from the world, from the embodiment of pain that held her stuck for a good amount of her son's life but as soon as she stepped back to Tree Hill everything came running back to her, the pain, the guilt, most of all the guilt, that she was to blame for both of her parents death and that she was to blame for all the pain Lucas' has felt all through out the years they had been together after all she was the one that breaks him over and over again.

For a moment she felt free, no family, no Tree Hill, no Peyton Sawyer who was covered head to toe with issues just an ordinary girl traveling, seeing all it's beauties and for the first time she was happy. She was free as a bird, high in the skies with no one to worry about other than where it should land, what it should eat and where should it sleep. For the first time in her life she was just your average girl with no worries, with no cares, just _Peyton_ but all of that is lost again in the emotional turmoil that is Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, the girl who lost her mom when she was 9 and nine years later she loses her dad.

He couldn't believe it, he couldn't quite grasp it, hell he still couldn't believe it, she was there, she was in his arms then suddenly she was gone again, leaving him, leaving him again with all the pain he's never been able to get rid off.

He picked up his son and carried him as they went back inside the house.

"Hey buddy you want to go hang out with Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan while daddy looks for mommy."

"You said mommy went to go see grandma and grandpa."

"I'm not sure buddy." He sighed. "I'm not sure."

"I want Mommy. I miss Mommy. Mommy always leave." The little boy cried as he kicked and squirmed in his fathers arm. "Where's Mom-Mommy."

"It's okay buddy, don't cry." He wiped his sons tears. "Let's get you dressed then we'll both look for Mommy. How does that sound?"

"I just want mommy." He sniffled.

"Don't worry, we'll find her. Go pick out your clothes and we'll go."

The little boy quickly ran to his room, looked in the closet and grabbed the first thing he saw. He put the sweater on and shouted to his dad from the room. "Daddy, I'm ready."

"C'mon buddy. Let's go." He tells his son from the door.

They walk outside the house and get in the car.

"Put on your seatbelt buddy."

"I know Daddy. Where we going?"

"How about we go see grandma and grandpa. I think Mommy misses them."

"I miss mommy." He pouts from the backseat.

"I know you do Nicholas, so does daddy."

"Do you love Mommy?"

"Of course little buddy. I love Mommy and you."

"Does Mommy love us? She left us again."

"C'mere Nicholas."

He removed his seatbelt and climbs into the front seat.

"Mommy loves you okay? She will always love you."

"But Mommy has been gone a long time."

"Mommy is…" He had a hard time choosing the words. How do you tell your son that his mom is just trying to deal with issues? "Mommy loves you kiddo, that's all you need to know."

"I love Mommy too." He looked down at his lap.

Lucas felt bad for his son, as young as he was he knew way too much of other emotions, things he shouldn't know at that age. He hated how things were between him and Peyton and the last thing he wanted was for his son to see them go through it.

"Go back to the backseat and when we find Mommy you can tell her that."

He drove to the one place he was certain she would go.

All these years she's carried the guilt and all these time she still couldn't let it go, all along she never dealt with her parents' death.

She knelt in front of their stones, crying as she had always done in the past. There weren't any more words she can speak that will make her feel any less sad, mad, guilty and full of regret. She still wished that it were all a dream, a very bad dream.

She couldn't form the words to say and she couldn't see their names that were engraved on the stone anymore. She cried so much that her eyes were too red and too puffy to see anything. Her lips quivered of words she tried saying out loud but everything inside of her, the anger, the confusion, the sadness, the pain wouldn't let her say it. All she could do was cry and cry until everything she thought ran through her head, slowly and precise, all the words she ever wanted to say finally came running to her but the guilt wouldn't let her say it, there was too much regret on her part.

"I'm so----sorry…."

He watched from the car as the tears welled up in his eyes. All he wanted to do was hold her in her arms.

"Mommy's here!" The little yelled.

"Yea, she's here." He answered.

"Daddy why you cry."

"…Because Mommy is sad…"

"Can I be sad too?"

"No, Nicholas you stay happy okay? Promise me you'll always be happy." He wiped his tears. "Never be sad, Nicholas."

"I want to see Mommy." He started to cry.

"C'mere…"

He hugged his son tightly, holding him like he'd never let go, like there wasn't a tomorrow.

"Be strong for Mommy okay? Can you do that for me buddy? We're both going to be strong for Mommy okay? Mommy needs us right now."

"I need Mommy," he pouted.

"It's okay buddy." He kissed his son's forehead. "You ready to see Mommy?"

He nodded his tiny head as the tears slowly started to form in his eyes just like his dad's.

"It'll be okay," he kissed his son's forehead again, his own tears falling

"I want to go see Mommy." He cried.

The two got out of the car and walked over to her. The little boy had other intentions on his mind when he quickly let go of his father's hand and ran to his mom. He wrapped his tiny little arm around, holding on to whatever he could.

"Don't cry Mommy."

She couldn't look at her son, she didn't deserve to. She tried her hardest to hold back the tears but…

"I love you Mommy." He kissed his mom on top of her lips.

She lost it. She just completely lost it and hugged her son back.

"I love you Nicholas Don't forget that okay baby? Mommy loves you so much."

"Mommy don't leave."

Her heart ached as she heard the words. Was it her turn this time? People always left her but is she the one leaving people now?

"I'm never leaving again."

"Pwomise?"

He watched the two people he loved the most cry and breakdown, he hated the sight of it, he was suppose to be the man but he was just as broken, maybe even more.

"I promise Nicholas, I'm never leaving you again."

He knelt beside them and hugged them, held the both of them in his arms. They were his family and he will fix them even if it meant to his death.

"We'll get through this together. I promise. I won't lose my family again."

"I'm so sorry Luke."

"Me too," he kissed the side of her head. "Me too…"


	31. Almost Normal

"C'mon Peyt, let's take you home."

Home. Home was where the heart is. But where was her heart? Where was her home?

"I have no home." She replied emotionless.

"Nicholas get in the car and put your seat belt on. Mommy and Daddy will be there in a few minutes.

"Do you mean it Peyton? Did you really mean it when you told our son that you'd stay this time? I love you but our son is first priority to me. I can't keep watching while you break his heart."

"Why Lucas? Why did it have to be them? Why did they have to go? Why did they leave me?" She broke down, falling to her knees.

"They never left you. They're always gonna be here." He placed a palm over her heart. "I know it's not something you want to hear. Your parents never left you Peyton. They're together now watching over you, their little angel. My angel. Baby let me help you, let me in."

"Take me home."

"Your place or mine."

"Yours. I don't want to be alone tonight."

"You'll always have me Peyt. You're always going to have me."

"I love you Lucas." She leans, her head on his chest.

"C'mon let's go home." He kisses the side of her head.

"Do you love me Lucas?"

"I always have."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Just for being you and for never giving up."

"Peyt, I love you but I mean what I said about Nicholas. He's my first priority."

"I know and this is what makes it so hard. Can we wait until we talk? I'm tired Luke."

"Yea, we can wait until later." He kissed her forehead and they walked to his car.

"Hi mommy." The young boy sheepishly smiled in the backseat.

"Hi baby. I missed you. Is it okay if I sit with you in the back?"

"Of course mommy."

"Lucas you don't mind do you?"

"Fine, I'll sit by all on my lonesome while you two have fun in the backseat. I can just be lonely." He softly jokes as his lips pouts.

She opens the front door, leaning in to kiss him.

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too, Peyt."

"Mommy, mine!" Nicholas cheers from the back.

"Yes baby, I'm yours. Sorry Lucas but the kid has you beat."

It was good to have things light hearted. Even for a little while, it felt as if things were back to normal or at least what it should have been.

"Have you been good while Mommy was away?"

"Yes, me and daddy played then sometimes Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley would come over."

"Oh yea?"

"Yea!" He yells excitedly. "Mommy are you leaving again?"

She nearly cried when she heard the words again. She knew the reason why and she was to blame for her son's unhappiness.

"Do you know what I told Daddy earlier? I told Daddy that I was never leaving again. I mean that with all my heart. I love you Nicholas and no matter how far away I am, I'm always going to love you. You're my boy."

"I'm sorry Mommy."

"Don't be honey you did nothing wrong. I love you okay? Even if Mommy and Daddy aren't together it doesn't mean we don't love you. Tell you what, later on why don't we go out for pizza then go to the arcades. Does that sound good to you?"

"Can we play basketball too? Please Mommy please?" He begged with his eyes, turning his smile upside down into a smile, a face he's learned from his father and uncle.

"You know I can never say no to that face. Okay, we'll go to the park and play basketball."

The rest of the car ride home went on smoothly. The whole family singing along to songs on the radio and a couple of hidden stares from the two adults that embarrassingly smiled as they got caught by the other.

"Baby, can you go to your room first while I talk to Daddy? We'll call you when we're done then we can go get something to eat okay?"

"Okay. Can I play with the toys you bought me?"

"I thought you opened them already."

"No not yet, I was waiting for you to play with me."

"Aww honey, that's sweet. Okay, let me take you to your room then we can play for a bit then I have to go talk to your daddy okay?"

"It's okay Mommy. I'm tired. I want to take a nap before we go out. Can you tuck me in?"

"Alright, c'mon."

She picked up her son, something she hadn't done in a while. "You're getting have heavy. What did daddy feed you?"

"Grandma's food!" He smiled.

"Alright, let's get you to bed, the sooner you sleep the sooner we can go out."

She entered the room to find his toys neatly stacked by the closet, still unopened as he said it was. She put him down and he walked over to his bed.

"Mommy you pwomise you won't leave?"

"Baby, c'mere." She hugged her son as he sat up. "Do you know what a pinky swear is?"

"No." He shakes his little head no.

"We're going to hook our pinkies together and I'm going to promise you that I am never leaving you again."

"What happens if you break your pwomise?"

"I will never break it. So, pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear."

They hooked their pinkies together and swore that she would never leave her son again.

"Go to sleep then when you wake up we're gonna play some basketball with Daddy then eat all the pizza we want and go to the arcade after." She kissed her son on the forehead before leaving the room.

She walked down the hall, pausing now and then at the pictures that were hung. She traced a family picture with a finger, a picture that was taken when Nicholas was born and the two kids turned into instant adults.

She found Lucas in the living room lying down on the couch with half open eyes. She turns of the TV before sitting down.

He sat up as he saw her, his sleepiness fading in her smile.

"C'mere," he motioned her to sit.

She sits in between his legs, her back on his chest as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"We have to talk."

"I know," she plays with his hands.

"How far along are you?" He asks, touching her stomach.

"About three months."

"Is it really mines?" She turns her head slightly and looks at him. "I wouldn't lie to you about that."

"I just want to be sure that's all."

"Lucas we weren't even careful when we slept together."

"Were you with Jason?"

"No," she looks down. "Not that one night but I believe him when he says he's had a vasectomy. You should have seen him. How angry and distant he was when I told him I was pregnant. I've never seen him like that, the disappointment in his eyes that I cheated on him. He knew Luke, he knew." She struggled with her demons, her past still haunting her.

"I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm sorry."

"I was scared Lucas. I was pregnant and didn't know who the father could be. I was selfish and irresponsible. I should have been more careful. I have a kid to think about."

"We both do. We have a son to think about."

They entwine their fingers and sit in silence, just enjoying the moment.

"We need to talk about the pregnancy." He breaks their silence.

"What about it?" She turns to him slightly and looks at his face, following each defining line before it turned somewhere else.

"Where not in high school anymore Peyton and we have Nicholas to think about. Back then it was automatic that we were keeping the baby. I don't regret it one day but now we're in much different situation. We're still trying to clean up our own mess. Can we really handle that with a new baby coming our way?"

"What are you saying? Do you want to get an abortion?"

"No, I'm just saying that we need to think about it. There's so much going on here now. After the birth there's a possibility of postpartum depression or posttraumatic stress syndrome. We both aren't exactly in the healthiest place. We're tired and exhausted. We barely get sleep as it is and there's Nicholas to think about."

She stands up from her seat and starts to raise her voice. "No fucking way I'm going to get an abortion. There's a possibility in getting depression in that as well. I looked at the packets Lucas. Back then in high school, I looked at all the possibilities. I couldn't do it then and I sure as well won't do it now."

He looks at her stunned.

"You-you were thinking about it then?"

"After I saw you with Brooke yes. What the hell was I suppose to do? I just caught the father of my baby cheating on me with my best friend."

"I didn't cheat on you." He gets up from his seat, raising his voice as well. "That's not what I'm saying Peyton. Just think about it alright? Let's look at this clearly."

"No, I'm not getting an abortion end of story."

"Keep your voice down. Nicholas is asleep." He replied. "I'm not saying to get an abortion just think about this pregnancy. We don't have to if you don't want. Just think rationally and plan this out. We still aren't together and we both live in two different house sharing custody for our first son."

"What the hell do you want then Lucas?"

"I want you. I want Nicholas to finally have a family. I want us, the three of us, hell even the four of us. I want the white picket fence with our children running around in the yard. I want all of us to live under one roof. I want to be married. I want what I've always wanted back then. I want to be with you."

"Then why do we need to talk about this pregnancy? It's clear we both want to keep it."

"Because we need to plan this out. I have a house and you have a house. Nicholas goes back and fourth with us and he's about to go to school soon. I'm just saying in the next six months we need to make some decisions."

"And we will but right now I don't want to think about that. Can we worry about that later and just have this. Even if it's for today I don't care. I like this feeling Luke. It feels as if everything is normal."

"It should always be like this Peyt. I want that."

"And we can have it but right now I just want to be with you." 


	32. Just Unsure

Images haunt her nights as she closes her eyes. Her son's sadness is rooted in her mind and serene was nowhere near as she tries to sleep, tossing and turning, restless as the night goes on and on forever in one seeming existence.

She sleeps with troubled mind and although she tries hard to hide it sometimes the sadness shines in her eyes and people couldn't help but wonder what was really going inside her head.

"So what are you thinking?" Haley asks from behind the counter.

"What do you mean?" The blonde responds as she gets out of her daze.

"You've got that look like your miles away. What's going on Peyton?"

"Nothing," she shook her head.

"We can't help you if you don't let us. Luke has been worried about you. Ever since you came back you seem to be more distant before. What happened out there while you were gone?"

"Has Lucas told you about us? I mean about me, well us."

"He told me he had something to tell me and Nathan but he was waiting for you but that was a week ago and he still hasn't said anything. Honestly he hasn't talked much only about a two weeks ago when you first came back. He came by and talked to Nathan. I want to know what's going on with you."

"It's Nicholas, I never thought I'd be that kind of mom you know? When I first came back all he kept asking is if I was going to leave him again. I can barely leave him with Lucas without thinking that I was going away again. I can't help but think I'm ruining our child's life because I can't get mines in order."

"He's a kid, he's adjusting. A month was a long time."

"I know and I was selfish for it and look at the consequences of it."

"Life didn't come with instructions Peyton. Our parents didn't get one. You and Lucas didn't get one but you've got one hell of a son. Look at Skillz raising Kenneth on his own. Nathan and I envy you three. We're married and we can't even make that choice to have a kid yet."

"It's not like we made the decision to get pregnant it just happened. I can't help but think sometimes what if we actually discussed it you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well just that, we were young when I got pregnant and with our past we knew there was no way we could give up a kid just like that, but we were young and naïve, we didn't know much."

"Are you saying you regret it?"

"I would never take a minute back. I love Nicholas, he's my entire life but sometimes I just wonder what it would have been like if we were more prepared as parents. Would things turn out the way they are now?"

"We can't think about the what ifs Peyton, we just have to look forward and hopefully those questions never come up."

"So how are you and Nathan after renewing your vows? I never got to ask you."

"We're good. Taking it easy, kind of a day to day thing. We're trying not to take each other for granted again. I mean I still have my job and he has his but we put some time aside just for us to be us and to be together. What about you and Lucas?"

"There is no Lucas and I. Just because I'm not with Jason doesn't mean I'll get with Lucas. It's complicated. Not like it never was but there is something we have to tell you and Nathan. Karen knows but we asked her not to tell anyone. We wanted to do it ourselves. Why don't you and Nathan stop by my place tonight for dinner."

"Sure, what time?"

"Around seven. I want to talk to Lucas first and get some things ready. I have to get Nicholas from Karen. I'll see you later Hales. Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime you need a friend just call one."

"I will." The blonde smiles before walking out the café.

She drives quietly with the music off. Her mind was music enough to keep her occupied for her short trip from the café to Karen's house. She gets her son and they head over to her house to get things set up for dinner.

"Did you have fun with grandma?"

"Yea, Daddy came too. He said he was there for lunch and we ate together."

"So kiddo do you want to help me cook? Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley are coming for dinner."

"Is daddy coming to?"

"Daddy will be here soon. So did you have fun with daddy?"

"He got me nuggets and fries. Mommy are you and Daddy fighting?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because Daddy is always sad. He doesn't play with me like before." He pouts his mouth as he swings his arms, flying the helicopter his mom gave him when she came back from her "vacation".

"Come here honey." He slowly put his toy down and walks up to his mom. "Listen to me okay?" He nods his head as she strokes his baby face. "Daddy loves you very much and so do I. You're the most important thing to us."

"Then how come you and Daddy aren't together?"

"Honey I'm so sorry. Daddy and ...we still love you even if we're not together."

"Do you love Daddy?"

"Of course I love Daddy."

"What about Jason? He's been gone for a long time now. I miss him."

"Jason and I…There is no more Jason and Mommy. When you get older you'll understand."

He nods his little head, his shaggy hair moving with him.

"Honey you need a haircut." She pats the little boys head.

"Daddy doesn't have to and I don't want to." He pouts his lips and draws his sad puppy eyes.

He walks in on the end of their conversation. "I guess this would be bad timing for me to say that I'm here." He looks down innocently with his hands in his pocket.

"Daddy, I don't want to cut my hair. Tell Mommy I don't want to." He runs to his father, holding his arms up, ready to be carried.

"Tell you what, we'll talk to Mommy later about her hair. Get ready before Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley gets here. Make sure you wash your hands before you get back here. I got cake."

"Yummy. Cake!" The little boy shouted with glee as he skipped to his room in his mom's house.

"So," he steps closer to her with his hands in his pocket, staring at the ground.

"If you don't want to do this we don't have to…"

"I mean they have to know sooner or later. We might as well. I'm here for you whatever you want to do. They're our friends they have a right to know. What are you gonna tell them?"

"The truth…we don't know who's kid it is…"

"Alright," he nods his head.

"When are we going to tell your mom?" She looks down and starts to pick of lint's of her shirtsleeve.

"I think it's best we just wait with my mom. There's no use worrying her if it is my child…"

"I'm sorry Luke…I just…I don't know what to tell you"

He nods his head.

"I wish we can go back you know? I just want it all back to the way it use to be…back then when I had no doubts that this child you're carrying now is mine but I just can't…I can't turn off that feeling anymore. I can't help but think that inside of you might be someone else's child and not mine. I'm sorry Peyt…I just can't pretend anymore."

"I understand. If you want…we can just wait to tell them."

"We might as well, they're coming here for a reason."

"Lucas…" Her voice lowers as his eyes show pain.

"I'll check up on Nicholas, make sure he actually picks out the right clothes."

"Okay…"

Her body feels numb as she watches him walk away, his shadow disappearing behind their son's bedroom. She grows weary and her tears start to swell in her eyes.

When did things get so bad? When everything stopped being okay and he finally had time to think about everything, soak in all the information she had told him. As much as he wanted this kid inside of her to be his, there were so many chances it couldn't be. It was a fifty/fifty split and it tore him up into pieces that one day he'll look into that kids eye and know it wasn't his…

"Look Daddy, look at my hair. It's tall." He reaches up in the air, touching his hair.

"You didn't even change yet."

"I wanted to fix my hair and show Mommy I don't wanna cut it." He pouts his lips and draws the same puppy eyes he tired with his mom.

"Alright, we'll keep your hair like this only if Mommy says yes but go change before Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan gets here. What do you want to wear?"

"I wanna wear my uhm…my favorite shirt and my pants. Can I Daddy?"

"Anything you want kiddo. Go get it from your closet and get changed. Then go to Mommy and ask her if you can keep your hair that way."

The two await for their guests two arrive as their son bounced around the room, excited that his favorite Uncle and Auntie would be eating dinner with them.

The doorbell rings and the two adults jump out of their seats as their little off springs skips around the living room.

"I'll get it." He runs over to the door.

"Honey make sure you look outside the window first.

"Mommy, it's just Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan."

"Okay, let them in."

He unlocks the door, twisting the knob with his tiny little fingers. Nicholas smiles up as the Haley and Nathan laugh at the little boy's hair, up and wild just like his personality.

"Nice hair munchkin. Do you think I should do that too?"

"Uh huh." He nods his tiny little head. "We can all have long hair, Mommy said I could."

"No, Mommy said you can keep your hair for tonight then we'll talk about it tomorrow. Hi Nathan and hi Haley, thanks for coming." She pats her little boy's head and reaches over to hug her two friends. "Dinner's ready and Lucas is in the living room waiting for us."

"Dinner smells good," Nathan said as he closed the door behind him. "Cooked it yourself?"

"Lucas helped."

"Haley tells me you had something to tell us."

"Yea we do. It can wait after dinner. Nicholas has been waiting for the two of you and got way too excited and then after he got too hungry."

"Alright it's a plan, dinner then secret."

"I guess it's a double date plus a child." The male blonde added as he saw the rest enter the room.

The five ate dinner silently, looking up every now and then from their plate when the youngest one made a noise or giggled out of nowhere. His long standing hair was enough to cause a riot and it did entertain the four adults as they commented on what shape it was taking as the little boy moved and squirmed around.

"Nicholas can you go to your room. Mommy and I are going to talk to Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley."

The four waited until they heard the door closed.

"So…" The two brunettes said in unison as they looked at each other then at the two blondes who sat on the opposite side of them.

Peyton looks at Lucas and he instantly grabs her hand, giving her some reassurance.

"Uhm…I…I'm pregnant."

The other married couple looked at each other in shock.

"Well congrats," Haley spoke up first.

"There's more," he gives his childhood best friend a serious look.

"I'm about four months along…"

"Wait…what? That mean means…is it…Lucas…"

"We're not exactly sure…" Her blonde curls swing with her head as she looks at the guy next to her and then the other two who was still stunned.

"Excuse me." He avoids everyone's eyes, especially the girl he's loved ever since high school, the girl that gave him his first son and now might be having someone's kid. He gets up from the table and walks away from the scene as his eyes starts to form a clear haze.

His wife looks at him and nudges her head. "Hey Luke wait up." Nathan gets up following his older brother outside.

Everything was pretty messed up, it always was and always will be… at least that's how it always played for the both of them.


	33. The Truth Scares

A/N: This chapter will explain last chapter… 

The two females sat still as the males made their way out of the house. Her face drew a blank and suddenly tears started to fall as the minutes started to pass slowly and the brunette watched carefully as her friend started to breakdown.

The blond buries her face in her hands as the tears nearly blind her. She shakes in a fear and shiver in coldness.

"I fucked up…really bad Hales…"

"What's going on? You tell us you're pregnant and …"

"That's just it. I don't know. I don't fuckin' know anymore. I thought I did but I don't. What am I suppose to do?"

"I don't know honey but Nathan and I are here for you no matter what."

"I wish Lucas can say the same thing, you know?"

"I know… it's just… wow. I don't even know what you're going through."

"Honestly I don't either. One minute we're fine then the next we're not."

"What do you mean? It seems like we've missed a lot this past couple of months."

"I found out I was pregnant the day of your wedding, your second wedding. That's why Jason and I were a little late to the reception. I told him and he freaked out. He didn't want to talk to me…he couldn't even look at me."

"That's shitty of him. So what? Is that why he left you?"

"No, he was pissed. I mean angry. He accused me of cheating on him and of course I couldn't deny it. I did cheat on him. Shit I slept with Lucas right after I slept with him. This is all my fault. I'm in this mess because of me."

"I don't know what to tell you. What did Jason say? How did he know you cheated on him? I mean that's a pretty big thing, you two were engaged."

"He told me that he had a vasectomy. So there was no way he could have kids. He didn't tell me because he was afraid I'd leave him, that maybe one day I'd want to have more kids but he wouldn't be able to give me that. He wanted to know that I loved him for him. He was planning on telling me before the wedding to give me that choice but I guess the plan blew up on his face. You should have seen him Hales. I've never seen Jason that way. He was so angry and disappointed but in some ways he said he knew. He was too naïve."

"What about Luke?"

"We were fine at first, kind of. Like always it was just chaotic. I told him I was pregnant before I left…then I told him everything about us was a mistake…I never meant it, I was just angry. We got into this huge fight and he said he was letting me go. So I left Tree Hill but before I left there was still a tiny hope that we would be fine. It was something I needed to do, I just needed to get away for a little while and figure things out. I guess he was doing the same." She puts both feet up on the chair, hugging her legs closely to her.

"I'm sorry Peyton…" She reaches for Peyton's hand.

"The worst thing is that I'm sorry isn't enough anymore. Not for him, not for Lucas. I get back and suddenly he's talking about abortions and thinking about other options for this pregnancy. At first I didn't get it but as the week went on he finally admitted he was having doubts that it might not be his, even after I told him that Jason has told me that there was no way he could have kids because of his vasectomy which he had after he had his third kid. You should see him Hales. He barely eats and he rarely talks to his mom, even Nicholas is noticing it. I don't know what to do anymore. He can't even look at me. I've tried telling him that Jason insisted that he'd send records that he did have a vasectomy years ago but Lucas hates hearing his name. I can see him flinch when I mention the name."

"Who do you believe?"

"Jason. There's no reason he'd lie. He has three kids and they mean the world to him. He was younger than Lucas and me when he had his first kid. Why would he lie now? He really has no reason to. But can you keep a secret?"

"You know me."

"Pinky swear it."

"Peyton that's childish."

"You just have to Hales. You can't tell Nathan especially not Lucas."

"I promise."

"Lucas has asked me to stop talking to Jason. He said he doesn't trust the guy but what am I suppose to do? I just want to prove to him that it's his kid. I met up with Jason about two weeks ago and he showed me his papers. I also met his kids, they're wonderful Hales. They're really great, he's a really good father."

"You know Lucas if he finds out."

"I know that's why you can't tell him but I had to find out. I wanted to know the truth. I love Lucas but after all the talk of doubts I started to have them as well. I started to question Jason and his motives. This is my kid. I wanted to know the truth that's all. Jason and I are still civil and that's good. He was there for me and Nicholas for almost two years, I can't just cut the ties between us."

"I get that but I'm just watching out for you and Lucas. He hates to be lied to."

"I know but I had to find out for myself. Wouldn't you?"

"I guess…I don't know. It's really hard to say. I don't think I would even know what to do if I were in your position."

"I've seen the pamphlets out there about abortion. I looked at them when I was in high school. I couldn't do it back then and I sure as hell can't do it now. With Nicholas there's no way I'd give this kid up for adoption either. I can't separate him from his own sibling. I'm keeping the child whether or not Lucas wants to. Who's he to say if he doesn't even believe it's his? I'm sorry Hales I'm not mad at you. It's just this situation is so frustrating."

"I'm sure it is. I can't even imagine, I wouldn't know where to start."

"I don't either." The blonde hides her face in her palms.

"It'll be okay." She took her friend in her arms and let her cry.

"I have to check up on Nicholas." She suddenly emerges from the quiet cry.

"Peyton…"

"No Hales, it's okay. I'm okay…I'll be okay." There she was the Peyton everyone knew so well, the one who always hid behind walls.

* * *

The two brothers walked side by side with their hands in their pockets. Quietly the older one stares in front of him as the other just looks at the ground waiting for the eldest to speak. The silence between them started to grow and awkwardness started to rise as neither said a word as they kept walking to a familiar spot they call their little haven. 

They still look the same as they did in high school except for the facial hair that made them look a little more mature, if not older. Times like this make them miss their childhood of what could have been if their father hadn't denied them of each other. How would it have been to grow up with the other?

"Planning to be my shadow now? I hope you know it doesn't pay much." The blonde spewed sarcastically.

"Look I'm just trying to be a brother here. Don't bite my head off."

"I'm sorry Nate. It's just…"

"I get it. If you don't want to talk you don't have to but I'm here for you man. I know it's corny and shit but you've been there for Hales and me and I just want to do the same. So if you just want to shoot some hoops or get drunk, I'm there."

"I love her Nate but that's what makes it so hard. There's a fifty-fifty chance that this isn't my kid. At first I thought I was okay with it. I even thought that it was mines. I mean what guy would leave their girl when she's pregnant? The answer to that is half of them will. You've seen Dan. You see all those guys in TV shows and all these fatherless kids. The guy can be bullshitting by telling Peyton that he had a vasectomy. What if he just doesn't want to pay child support?"

"That guy is Jason. He has three kids of his own. All he does is talk about his kids and how great they are. He's real proud of them."

"Exactly he's thirty something and he already has three kids with his first wife. Here's a fourth with someone else, someone that isn't his wife. They were suppose to get married so what the hell stopped him? Why call it quits when they were so close to their wedding day? Cold feet."

"Are you listening to what you're saying?

"Are you?"

"Have you talked to him?"

"Fuck no. I told Peyton to stop talking to him too. That guy is no good. Why should I believe him? What if it is his kid? He better own up to his responsibility."

"And if it is his kid?"

"I don't want to think about that."

"Is that why you told Peyton to stop talking to him? Isn't that a little bit childish? How's Peyton handling all this?"

"What the fuck am I suppose to do? I've supported her through out all this. I never once stopped loving her and I watched as she moved on to different guys. It's not enough anymore of this kid isn't mine. It's completely over between me and her."

"Why? If Jason doesn't claim the kid now why would it matter after the child is born? You're being foolish."

"You don't get it. Do you know how much it hurts to think, inside of the person you love is someone's child? How would you feel if Hales was having someone's kid? Peyton has tried to make me believe that it's mine and that Jason did have a vasectomy. He's still young I don't get why he would."

"Maybe because he is young and he already has three kids. Why don't you go talk to him and find out the truth instead of killing yourself of not knowing. There has to be another reason why he called off the wedding. Ever think maybe he knew that Peyton cheated on him with you? What if he is telling the truth and he did have a vasectomy and that's why he called it off because he knows for a fact that you slept with Peyton while they were engaged. I'm not judging you or Peyton for that matter but this was one screwed up triangle from the very start but we let it go because you told us it was no big deal that she dates this guy. You should have been honest from the very start Luke. Start taking responsibilities now and own up to your own damn mistake. You may be my older brother but you sure aren't acting like it."

"You don't know shit Nate. Try sticking to your own damn relationship. How is it that by the way?"

"Don't push it man. I'm here for you."

"I never asked for your help."

"You're still naïve and prideful like you were in high school. Don't you think it's time to grow up man?"

"I have. How could I have raised a child?"

"Then think about Nicholas and Peyton. Think about your family. How are they handling this?"

"You don't know anything. You barely kept your marriage in tack. Who the hell are you to give me advices?"

"When you can't think or see straight. You can take it out on me and blame it on other people but it won't go away. Think about it. You know where to reach me. You can even call Haley if you need to. Hell maybe you can try talking to Peyton."

"You don't know shit so don't act like you do."

"I don't? Is that why you're so angry because you know I'm right! I'm right and you fucking know it. It's killing you inside I know it. I can see it."

"I'm out of here." He passed through leaving the younger one alone.

"I'm right Luke. You and I both know the truth. You're the father and you're scared as hell, scared that it'll happen all over again. She'll push you out like she did before so instead you're pushing her away first so she can't hurt you. But who's hurting now?" He yelled angrily to his older brother who chose to walk away but not this time he won't walk away without hearing the truth that everyone knew.

It felt like high school all over again.


	34. Perfect Embodiment

Night after night the pain continued to throb in her heart. The pain and guilt accumulating from the lies and the deceit that constantly haunted her. She had gone behind his back to visit her ex-fiancé, a friendly face to help her through one of her toughest moment as the guy she loves slowly drifts away from her.

It was another long night, staying up as she waited impatiently for him to show up at his house at one o'clock in the morning, drunk as hell with another lie to why he was picking up his uncle's bad habit.

They were always complicated and each time they tried it became even harder to keep up. Every year the pain from the lost of her parents grew as her child became older. The absence of his grandparents was a lingering ache, an everyday battle she could never win.

The door opens and her head whips, staring at the man fighting with his keys and the door lock. She shakes her head, throwing the blanket away from her body she stands up from the couch and walks over to the front door.

"Awww. What, no welcome home? Honey it's nice to see you. What about an I missed you baby?" He reaches out for her hand instead receives a glare.

"It's late Lucas and you're drunk. Nicholas is asleep." She quickly snaps, their son being caught in the middle of yet another argument. "Dammit, it was your night to watch him. If you don't get your act straight…"

"You'll what Peyton? Remember you were the one that abandoned us for a month while you were busy hiding the fact that you're pregnant with someone else's child!" He raised his voice.

"You know what? FINE. It's Jason's child. Screw you."

He chuckles, grinning at her, that dumb ass smile taunting her. "You've done that before remember? Baby you let me fuck you while you were still with Jason. Don't you remember?"

Her anger rises and between the rational thinking and the angered mind, her hand raised to his face, meeting his cheeks.

"I'm taking Nicholas home with me and don't you dare…don't you fucking dare come near us." Adrenaline rushes through her blood and anger mixes in, her mind going a thousand miles per hour as her heart started to pound louder and faster inside of her.

Shock covers every inch of him, his face marked with her handprint and her words permanently engraved in his mind. The pain etches so deep in his heart that even he in his drunken condition knew he had fucked up big time.

"Peyton…wait…"

"Not this time Luke…I'm going home and taking our…I'm taking Nicholas home with me." She corrects herself, fighting her own tears.

"I can change." He says, begging almost as he reaches out for her hand.

"That's good. I hope you do as well but we both know talking now won't do us any good. You're drunk and I'm tired. I'm mad at you but I won't put Nicholas in the middle of this. He deserves more than that."

The buzz quickly wears off and his astonished at what he's done. Even his father would be spinning in his grave if he had been dead. No one would be the wiser if they thought that the eldest Scott would treat his family this way, to fall so far deep into alcohol that even he has no understanding of just how much pain he cost both mother and son.

She walks through the dark halls, her son quietly still asleep in her arms, thank goodness. She wouldn't know what to tell him at that moment if he were to wake up and wonder why they had to leave his father's home.

He watches as they walk away, closing the door behind her with tears in her eyes, tears she fought so hard not to show him but always, just like every night he's come back drunk, she couldn't hold back on what a disappointing sight it was to see the man that fathered a child could act in such a dangerous and cruel way.

He could have very well run after them but he knew that would just be as much as a mistake as he's been recently. He had things to talk about and one of them would be how to get hi family back.

He laid on his own bed, his own misery within the fact that he had caused it himself, no one made him drink, not just tonight but every night the past couple of weeks. His poor actions grew tiresome and soon enough he found himself constantly going there for solitude and hoping to avoid what he would come home to, a woman he loved so much but still doubted the child inside of her.

She tossed and turned on her bed for the millionth time that night, her tears never fading, never leaving her sight even when she constantly wiped them away. The terror in her heart neither died out as she thought about her son that lie content and asleep in his own room of her mother's house instead of his fathers. A million things ran through her mind, like what she was suppose to tell him when he wakes up, why he was there and where his father was, why wasn't he woken up and all the other things she didn't want to think about.

Neither one had peace of mind to sleep, truth was they watched as the sun started to rise and give color to their rooms. Hers was mostly blurry, tears ringing in her eyes. His was just a mix of emotions, the sadness, the anger, the pain that resides in him, as he continually thought of their past, present and the lack of future that seems to creep in his mind all the time.

He gets up, finally making up his mind that nothing will be done if he just laid idle on his bed thinking, he had to act, make some actions.

He throttles along, the morning breeze flowing through as he manages to keep going. No one was in site, the rest of the town still on their beds, some just getting up and others still in dreamland. He watches his surrounding, reminding him of a past so good, when they were in high school and so in love with the other that nothing mattered, not the growing child inside of her that only a couple of people knew about or what they were going to do in the future for income.

It was just the two of them, Lucas and Peyton and their future family, he was happy then, so why couldn't he be now? What was stopping them from smiling and being that family they talked about a long time ago? What has changed?

Everything changed, not one thing remained except for the love they once shared and still do. It was undying but haunting, never escaping the demons that grew to haunt their every day life.

There was no escaping her, his son and their past. Everything surrounding him had great measures to their memories, they lived there most of their lives and spent every waking moment they had in the town, and if by chance they had the same days off, they past the line of Tree Hill and went off to other places, not far, but enough to have a different scenery.

He stood for hours, staring at the basketball courts then back to the playground, a familiar scene as mother and father watched their young toddler waddle down the sand. Sweet tears formed in his eyes, such a beautiful memory it was, one he'd never wish to forget, not now or ever.

She couldn't forget him, not even if she tried. She lies motionless except for the tears that were never ending. She couldn't stop worrying either about the poor little boy that was to wake up soon, what he would ask when he finds himself awake in his mother's house. She tried hard to think of ways to elude the question, but her boy deserved more than a lie, he needed to know the truth without making his father look like the asshole he was the past couple of weeks.

"Morning Mommy." The young blonde kid runs to the bed and jumps on it.

"Morning baby."

"Mommy, why you cry?" Instincts kicked in for the young boy, seeing his mother cry wasn't something new.

"Nothing to worry about. Mommy is okay. Are you hungry?"

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's at home."

"Did you guys fight again? Sometimes I hear you two yell. I don't like it Mommy."

"I don't either honey. I'm so sorry. Mommy and Daddy are just uhm… we're just not agreeing with something right now but don't worry okay? We both love you very much."

"I love you too, Mommy."

"C'mon let's get you breakfast and you can watch cartoons after but baby don't bring your cereal bowl to the living room okay?"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to watch cartoons."

"It's okay. How about this? I'll set your breakfast on the coffee table just don't make a mess okay?"

"Okay mommy."

"Wash your hands and I'll be out there in a minute. Love you."

"I love you, too."

He runs out of the room, hopping along as he made his merry way to the bathroom, singing a song his dad would sing to him before he would sleep. His father didn't have the best of voice but it was somewhat soothing and calming in his tries.

Slowly she gets out of bed, her legs wobbly at the state of restlessness. Her mind still wondering at to what was going to happen next, sure she was worried about her son but also about the man that plagues her mind on a constant basis. The stupidity of his actions eats her up alive, as she's to blame for his alcoholic tendencies, his way of getting away from it all.

The mother and son duo sat in the living room watching the Saturday morning cartoons. He watched intently, laughing when a stupid antic was done, causing his milk to spill all over the table which his mother had no choice but to laugh herself.

"Kids." She stated as she watched amused.

A different scenery was in front of her door. The man she loves, the father of her son stood nervously. Faintly, his hands tap the door, his heart beating rapidly in nervousness and anxiousness.

"I'll be back baby."

Her heart stops when she sees the man on the other side of the door, standing in his old gray sweatshirt with his hood on.

She turns back to her son. "I'll be back. I'll just be outside. Call me if you need something okay?"

"Yes Mommy."

She steps outside with the morning chill covering her bare skin.

He sighs and removes his hood, his hair looking like a mess as if he just rolled out of bed and didn't bother to look in a mirror before leaving his house.

Quietly they stood, one looking at the ground while the other stared far across her lawn.

"Lucas…"

"Peyton…"

They both spoke simultaneously.

"Can I go first?" He asks, putting his hands in his sweater pocket.

"Sure..." She nods her head.

"I wanted to apologize about last night."

"It's not what I want Luke. I don't want our son to see his father in such a horrible condition. I don't want him to think that you're a drunk. I'm sorry Lucas for everything that's been said and done this past few months but I don't regret this child inside of me, whether it's yours or Jason's I'm keeping her."

"It's a girl?"

"That's what the doctor said after the last check up."

"I wish I could have been there."

"Do you really?"

He scratches the back of his head. "I don't know." He shrugs.

She lets out a sigh. "I've been seeing Jason."

Anger and jealousy rose in him, _how could you_? He thought. "Oh." He lets out.

"Not like that. I needed a friend to help me through this and he's been that. He's also agreed on a paternity test as well to prove who the true father is. He's also shown me all the paper works and the documents for his vasectomy."

"I told you not to see him." He clenches his teeth and balls his fists.

"I couldn't do that. I had to know and your doubts had brought up mine. I wanted and needed to know who the father was. If this is the only way to prove it then I'm sorry I betrayed you but I'd rather know the truth than have it eat me up not knowing."

"So that's it?"

"No, it's not. For Nicholas' safety I need you to stop drinking and if you don't I'll have to ask you not to see him until you do."

"That's ridiculous. He's my son too!"

"If you love him, you'll do what's right. I wouldn't ask you this if it wasn't important. He knows we constantly fight and argue, he asked this morning."

"I hate fighting with you too. But this, us, the pregnancy, it's all too hard to accept. I can't do it anymore. I don't know what else there is to do. I use to but after everything, I just don't know anymore."

"I don't want that anymore Luke. Not for him. I love our son and it's time I put him as one of my top priority, him and my daughter. If you don't want a part of the paternal test then that's your prerogative, but as for me I have to know."

"If it's his?"

"Scientifically it can't be. He's had the vasectomy for over a year before he divorced his wife and through all that she had never gotten pregnant. And if by chance it is his, he has accepted to doing the right thing and taking care of her just like his other kids."

"So I mean nothing to you then?"

"You mean the world to me Luke. You, Nichols and this child I'm bearing. I love you but if you can't accept this child inside of me then I don't know what else to tell you. I'm worried about you and need you to please stop drinking. I can't watch you throw your life away. I love you Luke." She strokes his cheek as he watches her intensively. "Please Luke, please stop for Nicholas."

"I don't know. I wish I can tell you that and walk away from here doing so but we both know were I end up at the end of the night."

"I'll help so will your mom, Haley, Nathan, and Skillz. I can't stand to see you like this. I'm so sorry for everything. I know that isn't enough but it's all I've got."

"Will you tell me the results if it's his or not?"

"As soon as it comes."

"Can I see Nicholas before I go?"

"Yea, he's eating breakfast and watching cartoons. You can join us."

He smiles and comes in, for a couple of hours they can be a normal family.


	35. Truth, Past & History

**A/N: I know it's been a while. I'm sorry.**

Things were few and far between. Though she hates to admit that she wasn't counting but indeed she was, she was counting the days she had last seen him. Two weeks to be exact and continuing by the days. A person she had depended on for so long was now the person she couldn't count on. Her entire world resting on his shoulder was now on hers and there was no way she was going to let him down.

"Hey Mommy can we go see Daddy?" Her thoughts were broken by the sound of a little voice.

She looks down and looks into the same blue eyes that his dad has. "I'm not sure baby."

"I miss him."

"I miss him, too. C'mere."

He walks up to his mother's bed and sits beside her. Sinking into her arms he let his smaller head fall on to her body. "Daddy doesn't love me anymore."

"Oh honey." She hugs him tighter and feels tears soaking through her night shirt, AKA Lucas' old shirt. "Daddy loves you very much."

"How…how come he doesn't want to see me?" He looks up at his mom's eyes which is now filled with tears. "When we call him he always says he's busy." His lips pout, a frown forming and tears rolling of his cheeks.

She wipes his tears as he looks into her eyes. "You want to go see Daddy?"

He wraps his tiny arms around his mom and digs his face on to her body as he sobs. "Yes, I do."

"Nicholas listen to me okay? No matter what happens Daddy and I will always love you."

He pulls away from his mom, enough to be able to look up at her once again. "Promise?"

She was tired of the countless and numerous times she had to lie to her son to why they couldn't go to his daddy's house. His lack of effort and communication on her part was draining her emotionally and holding their son in her arms, crying as he was, was breaking her heart.

"Tell you what, wash your face and I'll be out there in a minute. We'll go to daddy's house. We'll surprise him okay?"

"He might get mad." He softly whispers into his mom's ears.

"No baby. Listen, Daddy and I, well you know, you heard us argue before right?"

He nods, his eyes tearing up once again.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that but I promise you, no matter what, I will always love you, always."

"What about Daddy? Will Daddy always love me?"

"Of course he will…do you remember when I was gone?"

"Yes but you called everyday. I liked hearing your voice."

"Do you also remember Daddy telling you how much he loves you and that no matter what, how far he is, he'll love you forever."

"But he never has time anymore."

"He does and he will. Let's go." She says angrily, her voice giving way to her frustrations over Lucas' actions or lack of.

"Mommy…are you mad at me?" He looks up, his face stained with tears.

"No baby, I'm sorry. I'm not at mad at you…it's…it's…"

"It's Daddy isn't it. You're mad at Daddy."

"I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through all this."

"I wish Daddy was here."

"Me, too." She hugs her son tighter as the tears fall from her eyes.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Nicholas." She kisses his head. "Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy." He nods his head as his tiny little fingers wipe his tears away.

"Let's go, we'll see Daddy and see what he's been up to."

"But what if he gets mad? I don't want Daddy to be mad. I don't like it when you two argue. I get scared." He put his heads down again and stares at his own lap, his tiny little body smaller than usual.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." She cries as she holds her son in her arms, her sobs uncontrollable and loud as her sons. "This is my fault. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I promised myself you wouldn't."

After minutes of shedding tears and hysterical sobs that echoed through the room the pair two stopped.

"Can we still go see Daddy?"

"Of course. Go wash your face and get a jacket from your room then we'll go."

Exiting the room they both go their separate ways. The younger one heads to the bathroom to do what he was told, washing his face then quickly wiping it on a towel then runs into his room, grabbing the first jacket he sees and waits by the door. The older one goes to the kitchen, slowly washes her face and for a moment leans over the sink before wiping her face and heading out towards the door where she sees her son with his hands on the door handle waiting to be told to go ahead and open it.

He opens the door as soon as he sees his mom nods her head. Together they walk to the car, she opens the door for him and he hops on to the backseat and puts his seatbelt on without being told besides he hated being told, his father always did and right now he was sort of mad at his dad, in a way only a little kid knew how to be mad.

She adjusts her rearview mirror and gets a glimpse of her son before setting it correctly. She looks at him, his eyes already looking out of the window to his right.

"Nicholas are you okay?"

"Yes, Mommy." He answers without turning away from the window. He was truly his mother's son, he brooded the way she did, putting up walls and guarding himself.

She looks at the street making sure it was empty before backing up from the driveway and into the open street that would take her to a place she missed so much at the same time hated because of how she felt for the man that lived in it. At this moment she had mixed emotions for him or maybe that was her hormones that was all over the place. He's denial about her being pregnant with his second child has put a halt on the relationship and waiting for the result had made her anxious and stressed which was bad for her pregnancy but Jason has been her rock who's reassured her over and over that the possibility of this being his child was slim to none. As much as he wished that it could be his, since he loves kids, he knew there was just no chance especially with his vasectomy. He regretted the decision when the divorced was finalized. He wasn't sure how a woman would react to this piece of news. She was thankful for their friendship, very thankful.

They reach the house and she parks on the curb in front of the house. Shutting of the engine her son quickly unbuckles his seat belt and pulls himself up behind his moms seat, waiting very impatiently to be let out of the car and into his father's house, to see his room and mostly the dad he hasn't seen in a while.

He holds his moms hand as they take the short walk to the house and he anxiously rings the doorbell. They both wait impatiently for the door to open and when there was no response after a few seconds he presses the doorbell again and grips his moms hand tighter.

"Hold on." They hear from the other side of the door, almost a very low mutter.

A couple of seconds later the door was opened and there appeared the man they both love and disliked at the moment. He stares at them with surprise and opens the door wider while wiping away beads of sweat on his forehead.

"What are you two doing here?"

"What are we doing here?!" She wanted to yell at him but she held back as she felt the tug on her hand and looked at her son.

"We miss you Daddy." He answers lowly and looks down at the ground.

"I miss you guys too. What's wrong Nicholas?"

"Nothing Daddy." He answers as he keeps his eyes on the ground.

He looks over to the mother of his child then looks at his son. He gets on one knee, eye level with his son. "Do you want to tell Daddy what's wrong?"

He looks up at his father's eyes, the same color eyes as his and his dad cried the moment he saw the tears in his sons eyes.

"C'mere here Nicholas."

He lets go of his moms hands and throws both arms around his fathers neck. "I'm sorry son. I didn't mean to make you cry." He knew what he had done, cutting the conversations short and backing out last minute when it was his turn to watch him.

"Do you still love me Daddy?" He lets go of his dad and looks back into his eyes.

Silently she cried as she watched the two most important guys in her life.

"Of course I do. I'll always love you."

"You didn't want to see me anymore."

"That's not true. C'mon." He takes his son in his arms and carries him into the house. "I didn't know. I'm really sorry Peyton."

"Me too."

"Will you come in?"

She nods her head and steps in beside him.

"We need to talk Lucas."

"We will but first follow me. If I had known you two were coming I would have cleaned up. I missed you Peyton, you and Nicholas."

She sighs and looks at her son. She missed him too but if he really did miss the both of them, he wouldn't have done what he did instead he would have spent time with them, mostly her son, who was completely heart broken earlier.

He sighs too when he sees the uncertainty on her face. He never meant to distance himself but he had an excuse a perfectly good one he thought at one point but looking at them now, his son and the love of his life, he was sorry he had done it.

"I want to show you two something."

They walk side by side, through the living room and he takes a peek over at her and smiles as he sees her. His hand grazes hers as they enter the hall that led into the rooms. He put his son down as they stood in front of his bedroom.

"Open it."

He takes both his little hands and throws it on the doorknob. Slowly he turns it and opens it wide open, through the little sunshine that went between the blinds, his room had completely changed even the paint on the walls, and most of all, the noticeable change was his bed. It was a smaller version of his fathers, the same headboard but tinier, he had mentioned over and over again he had wanted the same bed.

"I made it myself. What do you think Nicholas?"

"I love it Daddy. Thank you." He hugs his father and runs to his room, turning on the light as he walks in. The walls were covered with painted race cars, not as good as his moms drawing or paintings but he knew his father tried.

"You did all of this?" She stares at the man beside her.

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It's amazing Lucas."

"It's nothing. My painting skills need a little help."

"You painted his favorite. You know how much he loves cars. That's all that matters to Nicholas."

"Thanks." He blushes.

"I love the bed."

"It seems like he does, too."

They look into the room and see their son sitting on the bed, looking around the room. He was taking everything in and every inch of it he loved.

"Your mom and I will be back. I want to show you something Peyton." He reaches for her hand and she takes it. They walk further into the hall into another room.

"Open it."

"This is your game room."

"Not anymore. Go ahead and open it."

She slowly opens the door and like her son, she was scared and anxious but as she saw it, her heart smiled and so did her lips.

"Oh my God. Lucas…" She screams.

"Mommy, Mommy, what's wrong?" He comes running towards them.

"No-nothing." She stutters.

She steps into the room and turns on the light switch. The walls were painted a light pink, except one wall that was still white. On the corner was a crib and next to it was a rocking chair that she hasn't seen since Nicholas was a baby. On the other side of the room were boxes.

"It's not done yet."

"Thank you so much Lucas." She says with tears in her eyes. She wraps her arms around him and with her belly in the way he hugs her back as close as he could.

"You like it?"

"I love it but what does this mean?"

"It means that I don't need a stupid paper to tell me that that child inside of you is mine. Regardless the result I want you to know that I want to be a part of her life, too."

"Luke…" She barely lets out before more tears comes out of her eyes.

"It's okay. I'm sorry. Please don't cry." Even though he's dealt with a pregnant Peyton once, he never did get use to her hormones.

"No I love it. I'm sorry, it's the hormones."

"I want us to be a family again Peyton. I want my family back."

She nods her head and reaches out her hand to her son, who willingly takes it and then takes his dad's hand in the empty one. In that instant it felt like he had his family back.


	36. Untitled: Sorry

She watches as he paces back and forth on the floor of his kitchen, burning a hole on the soles of his shoes. It had been nearly an hour as she first came to the house, leaving their son to be watched by his grandmother, who was more than happy to share a few hours with her grandson.

It was the moment he was waiting for and the moment he dreaded as well. He wanted so badly for the piece of paper in the envelope to tell him that in fact that the child inside the woman he is in love with to be his but he couldn't erase the doubt that was in the back in his mind, the one that continually brewed even when he tried to deny it so hard.

He wanted to forget when he let her go and her landing into the arms of another man. He wished for things to be the way it was before the drama, back to the way it use to be, when they were so happy.

The envelope in his hand held all the answers but he wished he could just tear it apart and not care who the biological father of the baby was but inside, deep in his heart and his soul, he knew there was the possibility that he couldn't deny, if he saw that it wasn't his, it would break his heart.

Could he really love another man's baby? It was much easier said than done, maybe that was the reason why the room was still half undone, unfinished while his son's bedroom was finished from ceiling to floor, complete with the bed he hand made that looked exactly like his but a smaller size.

"Are you okay?"

He looks up and stares at the woman sitting across the table from him, the one that handed the envelope moments ago.

"I'm sorry Peyt. This is much harder than I thought. I was sure I would be able to just toss it away and dismiss it all but looking at it now I can't do it. I can't just forget it."

"Well the answer is in your hands now."

"And it doesn't make things any easier."

He looks down again at the unopened envelope in his hand and contemplates the next task at hand.

"Don't you want to know who the father is?"

She looks down and rubs the protruding stomach. "Regardless who the father is I'll love her as much as I love Nicholas."

"Can I see it? Your stomach? Do you mind?"

"No I don't mind. She's getting bigger." Her face lights up to a glow that only a pregnant woman seem to get, and they never looked more beautiful.

His eyes sparkle as he looks at her, keeping his eyes on her as he stood up and walked around the table then over to her. He kneels down beside her as she pushes the chair back and turns toward him. She lifts her shirt and reveals the growing stomach.

"About five months now right?" He looks up at her, their eyes meeting.

"Yes, just about."

"Does she kick yet?"

"Starting to."

"Can I?" He asks, indicating to the stomach.

She nods her head with a small smile on her lips.

He places his right hand on the center of her stomach, trying to feel for the baby's kick. She takes his hand and moves it lower.

"Here." She keeps her hand over his. "She usually kicks there but mostly at nights."

"She's going to be beautiful, just like her mother."

"You're a good father Lucas."

He softly places his head on her stomach, his ears pressed against it. She runs her finger through his hair, combing it back with ease as she watches him. He takes her hand and presses her palm against his cheek. Moving his head, he tickles her belly and along he kisses her palm. He turns his head back to her stomach, gently placing his lips just above the belly button. He presses his lips harder, kissing her stomach as she exhales loudly at his physical closeness, an intimacy she hadn't felt in a long, long time, since they last made love.

She bites her bottom lip, moaning quietly as he moves his kisses north. He lifts her shirt up as he goes on, exposing bigger and voluptuous pair of breasts. She closes her eyes and leans back on the chair, letting her hands slide down to his shoulder, where she presses her fingers onto him as his kisses deepens on her skin.

He moves his lips to her neck as his hands slowly creep up, taking both of her very sensitive breasts into her hands. Gently he massages them as he hears her crying and begging him for more.

"It's been so long…" He whispers in her ear. "…since we made love."

She turns to meet his face, to look into his eyes.

"And I want to do things right."

"What?" He pushes his body off her and stands up.

"This. Us. We can't. I'm sorry."

She fixes her shirt back down, covering her pregnant stomach.

"Don't you love me?"

"I do Lucas and it's why we have to stop."

"I don't get it."

"My hormones wants to keep going and my heart is telling me that it's right. You love the man so what are you waiting for? It's because I love you too much that I want us to wait, until we're together, at least. My mind knows this isn't right, to do this will be us taking a step backwards into what we've been trying so hard to work on."

"A family."

"It's up to you if you want to open the envelope and either way, I'll always love you Lucas. I can't imagine what it would be like if you were to father someone's child and I know damn well that I wouldn't be able to accept it either but you're here by my side still loving me."

"I hope and pray every night that the child inside you is mine. I'm scared as hell that it could be Jason's and that he'll take you away from me again."

"My heart isn't in love with him, it's in love with you. Only you complete it and make me whole, you and Nicholas do. And when she's born, she'll also be a part of that, a heart that no one else will have. Do you want to know what I'm going to name her?"

He nods his head.

"Karen Anna."

"Both of our mothers."

"Yes. Karen Anna Scott."

"But what if it's Jason's?"

"He's already a hundred percent sure that he isn't the father. There's no way it can be. The test was for you and your sake. Open it and put yourself out of misery Lucas."

"And what do you think?"

"I believe him and the papers."

"Before I do, before I open it, will you do one thing for me?"

"Sure."

"Will you let me hold you? Just lie down and let me hold you in my arms for a while."

"We can do that."

"You don't mind?"

"I'd love to."

"Let me call my mom and ask her if its okay that Nicholas stays the night."

"The night?"

He shyly looks down and puts his hands in his pocket.

"I actually meant for the night when I asked you. If you want you could change your mind. It's okay."

"No, it's not that. Well it's just that, I'm use to having Nicholas around at night. It just caught me off guard that's all. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Well if you want we can pick him up."

"Some peace and quiet would be nice."

"I'll call her.

"Okay. I'll be in the room if you don't mind. My back is killing me." She stands up and puts a hand on her back. "Tell Nicholas that I love him." She says as she passes by him, her hands still on her back.

He grabs the phone from the stand and quickly follows her into the halls in the room. He puts a hand on her lower back and gives her body the physical support it needed.

"Thanks." She smiles.

"Go lay down and I'll be there in a minute."

The mattress was soft and comfortable as she lays down, giving her back a much needed rest, especially with after that went on in the kitchen. It had nearly been five long months since she's been touched like that, had a physical pleasure that felt so damn good. In her mind she tried to process how things came to be, how a simple moment about her pregnancy became so intimate.

"Are you okay?" He asks as he gets on the bed.

She nods her head and smiled.

"Nicholas says he loves you and that he misses you. I told him it's only been hours and being the kid that he is, he says so and even tells me to give Mommy a hug and kiss for him."

He puts an arm around her, with the bed on the way. He leans down and kisses her on the lips, their lips touching for a few seconds.

"Well that kiss was for me, this is for Nicholas." He gives her a quick peck on the cheek.

"You're silly."

"Let's get some sleep."

"Lets." She answers back.

He lies on his side and moves as close to her as possible. She closes her eyes and leans her body towards his. Palm down, he places a hand on her stomach and she puts hers over, entwining it.

Sleep soon gets to her and he watches as he had done when she was first pregnant. He always loved to watch her. It was peaceful to see her mind at ease and he wished for them and mostly for her that it would always be that way.

He carefully lets go of her hand and slowly get out the bed. Even if her head was at ease his wasn't. The only thing he could think about was the unopened envelope on his kitchen table. Inside held the answer, was he or was he not the father of her soon to be daughter. It was now or never, with shaky hands he reaches for it. Teary eyed he opens it and pulls out the piece of paper. He skims through it hurriedly and skips over the thing he was looking for and looks through it again. He couldn't believe his eyes, he had to sit down. Tears stream down his face as he read it once more.


	37. Top Of The Hill

He remained in the kitchen until the sun started to rise for the day. He was still in complete total shock of the words that were written on the piece of paper and how in a matter of seconds that his life had changed. Not just for him but for his love ones that he held near and dear to his heart. There was the woman that was in his room, on his bed that was fast asleep, how he longed to be with her and hold her in his arms as his wife. There was also his son that was at his mother's house, that he always thought was heaven sent, just for the two of them, to keep their lives off the broken road of life. 

If there was rain, he'd shelter them. If there was snow, he'd hold them in his arms and keep them warm. Whatever it was Mother Nature threw their way, he'd be there to protect them and keep them safe. He promised them a world filled with happiness, or at least he'd try to give them as much love he could offer anyone, instead he felt like a blind man with no guiding stick to lead him through the dark path of life, literally and metaphorically.

His journey was filled with cruel and harsh punishments, at least it seemed to him. He had done nothing bad, at least not that bad he ought to be punished like this. Why did bad things happen to good people? He often found himself asking the question over and over as he looked for an answer from up above.

Today seemed to be a different matter as he stared into those words, reading it over and over as he still couldn't believe it. He needed to know if he wasn't just seeing things or dreaming it, he needed another person to verify this. With his legs weak and wobbly, he gets up, the paper in his hands and his vision still slightly blurry from the tears and the sleepless night.

He loved the sight he had just walked in to. The woman he was in love with was asleep on his bed. A year ago if you asked him if he believed that love would overcome any obstacle, his answer would have to be no but as he stood there staring at her, his answer would be, love is the greatest feeling of all and if you believe it will get you through anything. He never thought that this day would happen again and he knew now this was just a start.

He wipes his face and walks quietly to the bed. All of his dreams were soon coming true and he couldn't help but become emotional and overwhelmed by it all. He takes a sit by the sleeping body, his hands shaking nervously as he places it on top of her soft face, stroking her cheek. The hairs on the back of his neck stands up as he feels her warm breath on his fingers. He closes his eyes and wishes that this were all true and not a dream.

A light sigh leaves his mouth. Oh, how he had wished for this for so long. A long time ago, his dreams came true when he finally got the girl then as they dated things progressed and one night they received the most shocking news that a teenage couple would receive. She was pregnant. Soon time went on, they had gone on with their lives but then obstacles showed up and instead of getting over it, it only held back the couple and soon they went their own way.

There were nights he'd gone without sleep and days where he drank himself to a stupor. It felt his life was crumbling underneath him and all he could do was watch. He desperately tried to hang on to everything little thing he could, trying to keep his family within reach but he was unsuccessful when another had stolen the only girl he had ever truly loved.

He hated the fact that he had to let her go when all he wanted was to hold on, for them to remain together, as one. If one was broken, the other would be the rock, to help and guide, to keep them standing and prevent them from falling. Instead they drifted further apart from each other, their fingers slipping from each other's hold until they stood on two opposite roads, leading them to different paths.

They both moved on, dated other people but at the end of the night the only one he could think of was her. He felt empty without her and his house was too quiet without his child in it. He wanted his family back home, for mother and child to be under the same roof. All he wanted was the love of his life to be back in his arms, for the both of them to be happy as they once were.

What had happened to life and all its promises? The grandeur of happiness he always heard about when he was growing up as he watched other families laughing and smiling together. He saw it for himself so he knew that they had existed and how come he couldn't reach what he had so desperately tried to hold onto? Why was such thing so hard to grasp, when it was so close? Why did bad things have to happen to him all the time? What did he do that was so bad that he deserved all this?

He remembered that empty bottle as he held it in his hand. It was liquid happiness that burned the back of your throat and left you unsatisfied but still he drank it until he forgot. There were days he woke up to a complete daze, not knowing where he was but thankfully he was back at home. It was this on and off drinking that had gotten him into trouble, that had him banned from seeing his son but as much as he wanted to stop, he didn't know how. Some days were good and some days were bad and on those days, the only thing he knew well was the bottom of a bottle.

There were good moments though, ones that he remembers clearly, the simple good old days when it was the three of them as a family.

He was brought back from his flashback as he feels another's touch on his face, soft fingertips wiping away the trace of tears he had been crying hours ago. He opens his eyes to watch another pair watching him, staring at him with concern and worry.

"I love you so much Peyton."

"I know you do…What's wrong? What's going on Lucas?"

"Nothing's wrong. Everything's okay."

"Your tears doesn't exactly say the same thing."

"They're tears of happiness."

"What do you mean?"

He gives her the wrinkled paper that he had held since earlier, one that gave him a brighter future. She reads it with difficulty due to the fact that little light was coming in from the outside.

"It says that I'm the father…I'm her father Peyt." He puts a hand over her belly and tears starts to stream down his face once again. "I'm her father."

She looks up at him with tears in her own eyes. She too had wished for this, as much as she didn't care for whom the biological father was, a big part of her still wished it would be the same father of her first child. Overwhelmed with emotions, she throws her body up and wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

She was utterly speechless as she held onto him, desperately wishing that it wasn't a dream.

Things were looking up for the two, after all the years of trying so hard and climbing through obstacles they finally managed to get on top, together.


	38. Progression

Heaps of woods and shelves were scattered everywhere along with it were screws and nails. In the middle of the pile, sat a confused blonde wondering how he got into this mess. In the corner behind the door leaning against the wall were two long boxes, one empty and another yet to be scattered on the floor like its comrade, awaiting to be turned into furniture for the future, painter or even avid reader but for now it would be for pictures of her and loved ones, maybe even toys she will favor.

He turns the pages once more, hoping this time that the instructions would be a little bit clearer. Again as he had done earlier, nothing seemed to make sense. The pictures should be helpful instead they were even more confusing. Frustrated, he gets up and turns around leaving the mess he had created in the last hour or so.

Behind him he closes the door, wishing to rid of the long frustrating task ahead of him, which he really shouldn't have started knowing he was never good at it. Give him a ratchet, a screwdriver and a car that won't start and he'd get it fixed the same day but not this, not cabinets and bookshelves, things he knew little about. It was Keith that did all that stuff and even then he paid little attention to it, he was a kid for Christ sake! He didn't know then that he would need those knowledge later on in his future, if he had known he would have helped or at least tried.

Looking at his coffee he realizes that none of the past matters and that it was his future he was determined to have a positive outcome on. Through the years as a father, he had missed out on so much, like Nicholas' first step and he had wanted to be there so badly albeit it was taped, it still wasn't like being there, seeing it with his own eyes while holding the mother of his child in his arms as they stared happily at their son. He didn't want to lose any more precious moments with what could be his family, the only one true thing he had always wanted, the only thing he's always wanted.

"You didn't have to do this Lucas." She says with tired and weary voice as she sits on the opposite side of him.

He looks up from his coffee, his eyes disoriented from all the paper he had tried so hard to understand and still couldn't comprehend. "I wanted to even before I found out that I was the father. I wanted her to have to the room and to be a part of her life. I know it was put on the back burner for a while but it won't be for long until you give birth to her and she'll be in our arms. I can't wait for that day and I also know that she won't have a room if I don't fix it."

"Thank you." She says smiling also completely timid from their closeness, like the way it was when they were together, when everything was okay.

"You don't have to thank me like I told you before I want my family back and I mean it."

She nods her head while biting her bottom lip.

"What is it? What's on your mind?" He questions her, his eyes intently fixed on hers.

"I hate it when you do that." She answers back and looks away from him, a wall she's barely noticed and still doesn't as her gaze goes back to him, looking into that very bright blue eyes of his.

"Well you give it away when you bite your bottom lip and when you're looking like you have something to hide. I hope you know that you don't have to hide anything from me. I don't want you to." He slides his hand over to hers, placing it above hers, and his thumb smoothing out the back of her hand.

She tries hard, to think of what to say, as not to hurt him or startle him, especially after all the steps they've taken together to close the gap between them and finally trying to get the family they've always wanted with each other. "I'm glad everything is cleared out now and I'm happy you're the father but it doesn't mean that I'll stop having Jason in my life." She pauses and sighs, looking away for a second from him and then holding the same gaze as they had held before. "I told him yesterday when I picked up the papers that I would see him today. We're going to have lunch."

"You are?"

"Yes."

"Today?"

"In a while, yes." She looks down and look at their hands, his shaking as hers tried so hard not to. "Are you mad?"

"I have no reason to be…" He pulls his hands away from hers and looks away, outside the window, the distant trees and dreams that he thought was within reach.

"Luke, he's just a friend, you know. Jason and I are just friends, nothing more and nothing less. I value our friendship and all the time he's been there for me. He's really helped me out a lot, especially recently." She sighs and looks down, her tears leaking from her eyes.

"It's your life. You can do as you please."

"Lucas? Please look at me. I don't like us like this. Not when we've managed to finally have something we've always wished for. I don't want you to be mad but I can't just let him go. He's my friend."

"I'm not mad." He whispers as he looks beyond the horizon, through the fading dreams. "I'm jealous." He looks back at her with tears in his eyes. "I'm jealous of the fact that he has you and I don't. Whatever it is I do will never be good enough for you, not now or not ever. Enjoy your time. I'll try to get the room done soon."

He gets up, his knees weak, his legs wobbly, his tears starting as he looked at her one last time. A moment he thought was his or rather theirs, was quickly taken, the rug swept under his feet when he barely had time to realize it was even there. Trying as he had, this dream wasn't meant to be, nor was it his to begin with.

"Lucas." She touches his right shoulder, her hands shaking as much as his was, her tears blurring the vision of the man she loved so much.

"It's okay Peyton. It's not the first time it's happened. I know when to give up."

"I don't want you to." She whispers as she grips his shoulders, the tips of her fingers burying itself as it presses harder onto him, creating a mark through his thin ragged shirt, pale and covered with paint as he worked hard early that morning to get more coating on the wall before he put shelves and other furniture up.

His mood had changed. That once I want to get everything done before my daughter is born attitude was completely gone, leaving him back to his brooding and miserable self. He didn't want to finish the room and read the confusing instructions that barely helped.

"I'm not sure why you are but there's nothing to be jealous about me and Jason. We're just friends and nothing more. I just don't think that I can not have him in my life when he's been there for me. You and Nicholas mean so much to me and I wouldn't want to lose the two of you either, I wouldn't know what to do with my life if I ever did. Not even this baby. I know that I can't live without the three of you. You three are my life."

He turns to face her, his face as stained with tears as hers. "If we mean so much to you then why is it we can never be a family?"

"I never said that."

"But you don't act like you do either. Maybe it's wrong that I don't want you to be friends with Jason but he's the guy that took you away from me. What am I suppose to think that you're still seeing him and that it's him you lean into when you think you can't lean on me? I want to be your rock, the shoulder you cry on and the guy whose house you come home to but it's not like that with us. We share custody of Nicholas and you two go home to your own house at night while I'm on my own bed wishing that I was there with the two of you, sleeping under the same roof and you and I were on the same bed so when that moment comes, when your water breaks I'll be the one to rush you to the hospital when you're in labor. You know that it's always been a dream of mines for us to be married and have kids, here it is but it's no where near what I dreamed of. It seems so far and distant and I can't help but think that it will never happen. I'm trying here but my effort seems so futile. I don't know what else to do anymore." He brings his head down, staring at the floor, the tips of their shoes.

She brings her shaky hands to his face, her fingers brushing his tear stained cheeks. Their teary eyes meet one another. "I love that you're trying. I love that you care. I love the fact that you still love me after all that I've put you through. Nothing in the world means more to me than the love that I feel for you and Nicholas. I know I don't show it as much as I should but you three are my life and my world. When she's finally in this world and in our arms I want her to feel loved by everyone that I love, even Jason but that doesn't mean that I want him for my husband, I want you."

"Me?" He chokes on his word and more tears roll off his cheeks.

"Yes you I mean if you'd still want me to be your wife. Not right now or anything but in the future when we're both ready."

"I'm ready now. I still have the ring…" He says excitedly.

"Luke not right now." She places her hand over his. "I know that this is something that we've both been waiting for but there's so much that's happened since then. I want us to wait, until she's born at least…" She places her hands on her stomach, rubbing it.

"Elizabeth…"

"What?"

"I want her to have your name, just like her very strong willed mom."

"Luke…"

"Elizabeth Mae."

"Okay." She nods her head, understanding.

"Enjoy your lunch and I'll be waiting her when you get back."

"Thanks Lucas."

"Anything for you."

"I'll be back and I'll bring Nicholas with me too."

"Don't, I'll do it. I'll get him from my mom's and we'll have lunch together. I think we need father and son time, it's been a while."

"I'm sure he'd like that. If you want, he can stay with you tonight as well."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I'd like for you to stay as well. We can make it a night. Order pizza and watch a movie perhaps talk a little bit more about our future."

She nods her head, smiling. "I love you Luke."

"I love you too, Peyt." He smiles back and watches as she walks out of the front door knowing that she was coming back, willing to stay. He was much more closer to his dream than he had thought.


	39. Simple Saturday

**A/N: I have no excuse and won't make one up. I just haven't been in the mood to write and not sure if this is even really an effort. **

The morning dew had long settled into the lawns, the sun high above the horizon as the morning started. Inside the two story house in the living room the young man, still as handsome as if he were in his teens but aged with experience, lies awake, not being able to sleep a wink. All night long he tossed and turned, snuck up and down the stairs looking into his son's and also once, checked into her room, wondering if she was still wide awake as he was.

It was the first time in month's that he had slept over at her place and the more he thought about it the more excited he got albeit he was in the living room and not in the same room as she was. Nonetheless it was still a step forward for the two of them as they worked towards a relationship he'd been wishing for.

He had watched the sunrise through the window, his eyes completely weary and tired but still his mind raced with the thoughts of what could be or what will be as they talked about earlier that day. Not long ago in the many sleepless nights he had sat up wondering what had went wrong and how he could fix things. He had sat alone in the dark with not much but a broken dream, something that no human was able to get past but somehow he did. In those sad, lonely night when there was nothing to hold on to, nothing within grasp the only thing that kept him going was a past that was once a fairy tale, a dream come true that came to a short end.

The slow torturous nights were hard to endure but as he sat there in the living room there was nothing more now that he could wish for. Being there in her house, being able to protect them from the unknown, just being there washed away all the sorrowful misery he had to live with what seemed like ages ago. He was more than ever the happiest man on earth. It was no more than a tiny step or some would even call it a baby step but to him it was the first step to a forever that he's always dreamt of.

It was nearly seven in the morning when he heard his son's tiny footsteps make their way down the creaky stairs that he himself had experienced as a teen trying to make a quiet get away when her father would come home for a surprise visit. He remembered his heart beating dramatically fast in his heart as he took one careful step at a time with his girlfriend at the top of the stairs making sure he made it out of the house without her father waking up. His lips curled into a smile as he saw the same mischievous smile on his son as he walked slowly down the steps making sure to make the tiniest of sound.

"Daddy!" He yells out loud as he sees his father down the steps and forgets that he wanted to sneak down early to watch cartoons which his mom has cut down to a couple of hours a day.

"Shhh…" His father responds quickly as he meets him up him halfway up the stairs. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I want to watch cartoons Daddy. Do you want to watch with me?" His little eyes lights up as he hugs his father.

"Cartoons?" Lucas responds with a smirk on his face as he puts his son back down and the two head down the stairs.

"Yes Daddy cartoons!"

"What are cartoons?" He asks innocently as if he had really forgotten such a thing, a childhood memory he will never forget as he use to do what his son was doing.

"Daddy…you use to watch them with me! Remember?! There was the one you liked with the rabbit and the duck. And then there was the other one with the cat and mouse that's always chasing each other but the mouse always win. Now there's this new one but it starts later on and Mommy said that I couldn't watch too much TV. She says it's bad for me." He looks down on the floor and then looks back up giving his father that well known, Scott puppy dog eyes.

"Mommy's right and don't forget buddy I was the one that thought you how to make that face so it won't work but since mommy is still sleeping I guess we can watch for a little while but only for a little while, okay?"

"Okay." His eyes lights up. "And Daddy can you get me cereal?"

"Sure, go in the living room and keep the volume low so we won't wake up your mom."

The little boy fills up with excitement. "Thank you." He smiles with a couple of baby teeth missing. "And Daddy…" His voice drops as he shyly looks up to his father.

"Yes son?"

"I love you Daddy."

"Come here." He bends down on his knees, his eyes leveled with his sons and his arms open for his son to walk into.

Shyly the little boy walks into his father's arms, his eyes darting to the floor and back into his father's eyes.

"I love you too, Nicholas and don't forget that okay? No matter what happens between me and your mom don't forget that I will always love you."

"Yes Daddy." He nods his head and buries himself into his father's arms.

---

It was later than usual as she woke up that Saturday morning. Being a single mother she was accustomed to waking up earlier than her son and setting up breakfast for him as it was her job the moment she made the decision to stick with the pregnancy and have a baby even if she was a teenager on the verge of graduating high school.

Her hair is puffy with the blonde curls in a big mess from a long night of sleep. She fiddles with it for a while and soon gives up as she realizes that the man she was thinking about had seen her many times with her hair much messier than before. She soon gets up and heads downstairs where she hoped that Lucas would still be waiting for her. Instead of the sight she'd been thinking about as she went down the stairs quietly trying not to make a noise she sees her son on the living room floor with his back to the couch and his father fast asleep on the couch with two empty bowls on the coffee table. She smiles to herself and slowly walks to the kitchen to make a bowl of cereal.


	40. Second First Date

His hands were trembling as he got into his car and his heart was nowhere near to being calm. He felt like a teenager all over again, the nervous feeling crawling all through out his body as he set out of his house to pick up his date. It wasn't their first date but it was the first one in a really long time and tonight their son wouldn't be with them. As he neared the house the more he wished that it was just another family night instead of a date. He was such a nervous wreck that he passed the house without realizing and it wasn't until he got into the dead end of the street did he noticed the first mistake of the night.

He was hoping for no more mistakes but he knew that with his near wrecked mind that he was in no shape of avoiding them, he just wished that he wouldn't make them in front of her. At least even with his little blunder of passing her house he was still ten minutes early as he parked his car in front of the house. He had hoped to spend a little time with their son before the big night and hopefully calm down as well. As he walked up to the porch the door opened immediately to find his son just as happy as he was, his best friend and his brother right behind his son as they were going to be his son's babysitter for the night.

"Daddy!" He voice rings through the front room and out into the warm night.

"Hey Lucas," the two says in unison. "Ready for the big night?" His brother asks with a teasing voice and winks at the end not noticing that his wife was watching.

"Nathan! What did I say earlier?"

"Oh c'mon Hales, I was just teasing him."

"Don't it's a big night for him."

He chuckles lightly before walking away from his wife knowing that if he answered back that he would be sleeping on the couch.

"Have fun Lucas." He calls out as he sits on the couch and stares back at the TV before his nephew interrupted him to ask if he can open the door when his dad came.

"Come in Lucas. Nicholas has been waiting for you and Peyton is still upstairs getting ready."

"I saw her Daddy! Mommy looks very pretty tonight."

His blue eyes light up and lips curl to a smile. "I uhm…thanks Haley."

"Hey Nicholas, why don't you check on your mom and see if she's ready and tell her that your dad is here okay?"

"It's alright Hales. I can wait. I want to spend some time with Nicholas before we go."

"Okay. We were just watching TV but uhm, Nicholas here didn't eat dinner yet."

"I'll take care of it. C'mon Nicholas, let's get you something to eat." Lucas grabbed Nicholas' hand and lead him to the kitchen as the two babysitters sat on the couch pretending not to pay attention to the father and son.

"Mommy said I can eat ice cream after dinner."

"But first you have to eat dinner."

"I will! And do you know why Daddy?"

He shakes his head no. "No son, I don't."

"It's because Mommy made mac & cheese. Mommy made my favorite."

---

In the living room, the TV was set down to a low volume. The kid who finished his dinner and a bowl of ice cream was fast asleep on the couch, with his head on his favorite aunt's lap and next to her was her husband.

"What do you think Peyton and Lucas are doing right now?"

"He's probably shitting in his pants…"

"Nathan! What did I say about your language when you're around Nicholas?"

"Relax Hales, he's sleeping."

"What if he wakes up?"

"Then we have some explaining to do."

"Just watch your language even if he is asleep." Seconds passed before speaking again. "Nathan?"

"Yea?"

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"For Nicholas's sake I hope they figure it out soon before he realizes that this isn't how normal family's are like."

"I just hope they figure it all out before the baby comes."

"I don't think Lucas will wait that long to ask Peyton to marry him."

"It's not so simple."

"Look, its Lucas and Peyton." He turns to his wife, a look of sudden seriousness on his face.

"Exactly, it's Lucas and Peyton." She turns to face her husband, her face filled with worry and sympathy.

---

The road was empty as he pulled out of the parking lot. The date he'd been looking forward to wasn't as he planned and no matter how hard he tried to calm down his heart that was beating a mile a minute nothing seemed to work. His attempts to a conversation were cut off short as he began to feel his nerves get the best of him. Nothing he wanted to say came out of his mouth but instead it was about their son and the upcoming appointments for her pregnancy. As excited as he was for their family to expand, he was still wishing for that one thing, to be an actual family.

The music was low, barely a hum as the engine's roar took over the compartment of the car. His thoughts began to subside but still forgetting the fact that he was still with his date and he once again fell into silence as he did earlier during dinner.

"I had a great time Lucas." She says as she cuts the silence.

"It was just dinner." He replies.

"It beats my usual and not that they're bad because Nicholas is usually pretty good company but it's just tonight was different and it isn't the usual night in with my son."

"Maybe we can have more nights like these?" He stares away from the road and turns towards her.

"I'd love that." She smiles. "The road Lucas," she points past the windshield and down to the ground where the headlights fell.

"Next time it'll be better."

She places her hand over his and he continues to drive silently to her house.


	41. 20 Weeks

**A/N: It's been a while so I'm rusty at this. **

A gush of warm air suddenly surrounds the two as two glass doors slide wide open. The setting sun greets as they step out of the hospital and they walk hand in hand towards his car.

"Thanks for going with me Lucas."

"You know that I wouldn't miss it for the world." He squeezes her hand before letting it go. Easily he reaches into his pockets to retrieves his keys. "Is it okay if I keep the sonogram picture?" He asks as he opens the car door for her.

"Of course." She smiles as she enters the car and shifts around until she found a position that was comfortable for her and her growing stomach that was adding weight to her petite body.

He enters the car quickly and sits without any issue. A smile creeps to his face as he stares at the photo in his hand. Small and in monochrome was his unborn daughter, Elizabeth Mae. According to the doctor she had all ten fingers and toes. Each one he made the doctor count and wasn't pleased until each one was accounted for. Foolishly he knew it didn't matter if she were to be born with an extra finger or an extra toe, all that mattered was that she is healthy and from what he was told their baby was holding up just fine.

He puts the picture down on console and puts the car key in the ignition. Slowly he pulls out of the hospital parking lot and enters the streets of Tree Hill.

"She's beautiful." She says dreamily as she looks down and rubs her stomach over her shirt.

"Just like her mom." He replies back with a smile, his eyes on the road.

* * *

The early evening light enters the kitchen through the small window, the night just becoming dark and not yet aware of its own awakening. In the kitchen two women sit with two drinks on the table, two glasses of water. One blonde and the other brunette, still in their twenties but their soul told so much more about their life than their own physical appearance, sometimes people still mistake them for high school students.

"Well how was it?" The brunette asks, impatience filling her voice.

"For the last time Haley, there's nothing to tell. Lucas came with me to the appointment then we went to his mom's house to pick up Nicholas and afterwards he dropped us off. I came into the house then called you and here we are in my kitchen while my son is in the living room watching his favorite movie which you just happened to buy for him for not apparent reason." Peyton responded back with suspicion coating her voice.

"I'm just being a nice aunt." She says grinning from ear to ear. "Nathan and I were at the store today and I saw it. I knew how much he loves the movie so we bought it for him and also, I figured that I would give the guys some time to do some bonding." She answers still grinning and paying extra attention on the last word.

"You mean, you wanted your husband to try and find out something from Lucas. Why Haley James Scott, who would of thought?" The two girls giggle, as if they were back in their teenage days.

The brunette stares down at her water then looks to up to meet her friends' green eyes. "You know we're just worried about you two."

"And you're saying curiosity has nothing to do with this?"

"I'd be lying if I said it didn't. We're worried, curious and anxious. You two have been down this road before and well…we all know what happened. You both took it really hard and we just don't want the same things to happen again."

"There's nothing to worry about Haley. Lucas and I are fine. We're taking things slow and not rushing anything. Right now our focus is on Nicholas and our soon to be daughter." She looks down and rubs her stomach. "We want to be the parents they deserve."

"You guys are. You two were still in high school when you were pregnant and right after high school you had Nicholas. Being parents at that age isn't an easy task. Look at Nathan and I, we've been married twice and we're still not ready for kids. You and Lucas are great parents even if you don't think so."

"Sometimes I think it isn't enough, that he deserves more."

Confused, she looks at her Peyton and asks. "Lucas or Nicholas?"

Peyton looks up at her friend with tears in her eyes. "Both." She sighs. "I haven't been the best mother to Nicholas and God knows what kind of girlfriend I'd been to Lucas. I pushed him away constantly especially when I needed him most."

From across the table Haley takes her friends hand. "Nicholas is a wonderful kid. You raised him the best way you knew how and as for Lucas he's still here with you, still loving you. He's just waiting for you to let him again. It may not be now or tomorrow but he'll always be there for both you and Nicholas and when your daughter arrives he'll be there for her as well. He's always going to be there for his family and you three are his family."

"I don't know how he does it. I would have left a long time ago." She answers softly as she wipes away the tears on her face.

"If that were true, you would have left a long time ago but you haven't left Peyton. You're still here trying to make it work. Whether you believe it or not you are trying. You haven't given up on your family yet. Sure there have been a few bumps in the road but who doesn't go through that? It may be a slow progress and in your own pace but you're here where you need to be. They need you as much as you need them."

She squeezes her friends hand for support and gratitude. "Thanks for being here Haley. I don't know what I'd do with you here."

"That's what friends are for, or in this case, practically in laws, we're just waiting for it to be official." They both smile and nodded.

* * *

Scott brother bonding meant only one thing, watching or trying to find something to watch on the television. They talked when they wanted to talk and during a game or movie wasn't the right time. The two brothers sat on one of the living room couch with their feet up on the coffee table which Haley never allowed.

"Haley left in a hurry." The older one asked as he reached for the bag of chips on table, by his left foot.

"Peyton called and she said she wanted to bring Nicholas the movie we bought for him."

"I'm sure those are the only two reasons." He says as he opens the bag of chips.

"She's your best friend. You know when she's up to something there's no stopping her." The younger one answers quickly as he flipped through the channels, looking for something to watch.

"She's your wife, you should stop her."

"I learned a long time ago that there is no such thing with her. You know Haley, she's just worried. She just wants to know what's going on with you and Peyton and if things are okay."

"Nothing's on. You've been flipping through channels since I got here. Want some chips?"

"No, just ate dinner before you got here. So why exactly did you come here? I'm sure it wasn't to watch me channel surf or eat my chips."

"Haley called." He chuckles. "And then leaves when I get here."

"She means well."

"I know. We're okay, Peyton and I." He answers and sets the bag of chips down on the table.

"All these channels and there's nothing good on. She wants to hear more than just okay"

"That's because you're too picky. Just pick something and stop changing the channels. "

"I will big bro as soon as you stop changing the subject. I'm not trying to pry or anything but I'm just as worried as Haley. You were a mess back and I don't the same thing to happen. So if you need to talk or just shoot some hoops, I'm here for you." He finally finds a program to watch and puts the remote down by his side.

"We're fine, things are good. It couldn't get any better considering everything that has happened. I get to spend time with her and Nicholas and that's more than I can ask for. We go out for dinner or we take him to the park. Sometimes we talk about what we'll do once Elizabeth is born. Its months from now but it's one of the first times we actually talked about a future."

"So things are good?" Nathan asks with more confidence in his voice.

"It's great, for the first time in a really long time I finally have my family back. It's not perfect but it's my family and I'll do anything to keep it that way." He smiles at his brother.

"Good to see you happy. It's been a while. You and Peyton deserve it."

"I guess I should thank Haley for tonight."

"Just tell her what you told me."

"I will. I better get going. I told Ma I was going to her house for dinner. Tell Haley thanks and that I owe her one." He stands up and heads out the door, for the first time in a very long time he was really truly happy.


	42. 24 Weeks

The streets of Tree Hill are packed with people, most were out for lunch and other's just out and enjoying the nice sunny weather. The car stereo was off and the windows were down as they passed by downtown. In the backseat was her son taking his usual afternoon nap. In the driver side was one of her good friends, almost brother-in-law and ex-boyfriend back in high school.

"Thanks for taking us Nathan."

"No problem. I know Lucas would do the same for me and besides I finally got to see my niece. You must be excited."

"Very…and scared at the same time." She smiles nervously.

"Not to pry or anything but how are you and Lucas?" He takes a look at his passenger who was looking down at her ever growing stomach.

"We're good. We're still trying to sort things out. I never thought it would be this difficult. The movies made it so easy. They fall in love and live happily ever after. They never show you the heartbreak and pain that you go through as you go from person to person, searching for the one you're going to spend your entire life with." She sighs as she looks behind her, looking at her son that reminded her so much of his father, the one she always thought she'd spend the rest of her life with.

"Maybe that's the lesson you have to learn, you have to go from person to person to realize what love really is, what love means to you. Anyways, we're here. I'll get Nicholas and I'll meet you inside." He parks the car in front of the café, making sure that he didn't hit the curb. "I won't pretend to know what you and Lucas are going through but I do know one thing, you two love each other. I'm not saying it's as simple as that but maybe you'd like to start there and see where it goes."

He looks at Peyton, her eyes watery as she stares back at him. His eyes were just like his older brothers, blue as blue could be.

"I'm sorry Peyton, I didn't mean to…I just…I was trying to help." He slowly starts to ramble, realizing he just made a pregnant woman cry.

She shakes her head no and wipes the tears from her eyes. "It's not your fault Nathan. It's mine. You're right. I'm really proud of you. You turned out to be a great guy and no thanks to me."

"It wasn't your fault. You and I just never worked out. I was the jock and you were the cheerleader. We forced something that wasn't really there to begin with. We both did a lot of growing up since then. You're son is living proof that. Look at him Peyton. Whatever it is you think you've done wrong just look at him and remember all the things that you did right."

She takes her eyes away from Nathan and turns her attention to her sleeping son in the backseat of the car. He was right, if there was one thing she could be proud of it was how she raised her son.

"I'm glad to have you in my life Nathan." She looks at him, her eyes filled with happiness.

"I know I'm not the best when it comes to these kind of things but if you ever need to talk you can always come to me. Now get inside before Haley starts to think something is wrong."

"Thanks again Nathan."

"Anything for my future sis." He winks at her and smiles.

"Nathan…" She tries to argue with him but nothing else comes out of her mouth. She smiles back and gets out of the car.

* * *

Tonight they had Chinese food because she was craving it. They ordered mongolian beef, sweet and sour chicken, eggrolls, and fried rice.

After dinner she was told specifically to get some rest and not to worry about the mess in the kitchen and that he had it all under control. She would have insisted on doing it because it was her house but with the extra weight she was carrying her feet were already in pain and she wasn't in the mood to argue about it.

"Daddy, do you want to watch the movie with us?"

He knew the plan was just dinner and even though he was always welcome to stay afterwards, he still never wanted to assume anything. He was thankful he was able to spend time with them and that little by little she was trusting him more and more.

She nods and smiles at him. "Daddy is going to clean first and then he's going to watch with us. Thank you again Lucas, for everything." She thanks him before going into the living room with her son to watch his favorite movie.

He smiles. He'd do it everyday if he could.

The kitchen sparkled with cleanliness. The dishes were left on the rack to dry and the table was wiped clean with a warm rag. Leftover foods were put in containers and then placed in the refrigerator.

It was the same movie they'd been watching for the past month, ever since Haley and Nathan had given them the movie. It was their son's favorite and they just couldn't say no to him.

The three sat on one couch, their son in between them as he lay down, his head on his mom's lap and feet on top of dad's.

"Is Daddy going to stay with us tonight? I like watching cartoons with him in the morning." Their son smiles with two front teeth missing. "Are you daddy?" He sits up, his tiny body leaning against his mother as he stares at his dad, their eyes the same blue color.

"I'm not sure son..." He answers.

She looks over to him, his expression wishing he could. Tears form in her eyes as she stares at him and instinctively she hugs her son, nestling him closer to her.

"Your dad has work tomorrow honey."

"Why can't he be like other daddy's and live with us?" He points his little finger at the screen where all the kids in his favorite movie had a mom and a dad to take care of them.

She hugs her son tighter as tears roll down her cheeks. "Nicholas, your daddy loves you and so do I. We may not live together but that doesn't mean we're not a family."

"But in movies families always live together and Daddy doesn't live with us." His tiny fingers points to his dad who also had tears in his eyes.

"Your mom is right son." He moves closer to his family, the three of them teary eyed. "I love you and so does your mom."

"Then how come you and Mommy aren't together anymore? Don't you love each other?"

She sighs and looks down. "I'm sorry honey."

"What are you sorry for Mommy?" He turns his little body to face his mom. "I love you Mommy." He kneels besides his mom and gives her hug, his tiny arms not able to go around her developing figure.

"I love you too, Nicholas." She hugs her son back.

He lets the tears roll of his cheeks as he watches the two embrace.

"Come here Luke." She barely gets out as her voice cracks. "I love you…" She let's the words escape from her mouth.

He slowly hugs his family with a small smile forming on the corner of his lips.

* * *

He carried his son upstairs as he was too tried to do so. He was barely awake when his mother changed his clothes, dressing him in his favorite pajamas as his father watched, missing the way things use to be, when he was able to do these things on a daily basis.

"You have to brush your teeth okay?"

"Mommy…I'm tired…"

"C'mon son, I'll help you."

"Can you read me a story after?"

"Your dad will read you any story you want after you brush your teeth."

He smiles as he runs to the bathroom, his tiny legs going as fast as they could, his father trailing behind him. With his dad's help he brushed his teeth and ran back to his bedroom where his mom was waiting patiently.

The small bed barely held her two favorite guys but they managed to do so as Nicholas had asked for his dad to read him a bedtime story. She watched them from the foot of the bed as he read to their son. She was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep but she wanted to make her son happy. It was his only request and she couldn't refuse nor could he. After all they were his family.

He was barely half way through the story when they heard the faint sound of snore. He smiles to himself and then over to Peyton.

"That didn't take long."

"It happens all the time." She smiles back.

Silently, hand in hand, they step out of their son's room. "Thank you for staying Lucas." She faces him, her hand in his and her eyes watery.

"You know I'd do anything for you and Nicholas."

"I know. I also wanted to say I'm sorry…sorry that I hurt you…" She struggles to continue as tears flow easily down her cheeks.

"It's okay." He answers, his hands instinctively wiping her tears. "Don't worry about any of that right now. All that matters is that you three are okay. All I ask is that you take care of yourself and keep our baby healthy. Everything else I can take care of."

"What about Nicholas?"

"He's my son. Of course I'll take care of him."

"That's not what I mean."

"He's growing up and his curious but there's nothing to worry about. It's like what we told him, we love him and that's all that matters."

"I hope so…" She sighs.

"He knows how much we both love him. We do our best as his parents to take care of him and we'll do the same for Elizabeth when she's born."

"Nicholas is right, we don't even live together."

"Let's talk somewhere else. I don't want to wake Nicholas."

She nods her head and leads him to her room. Her bed was unmade and her drawing pad lay on it.

"Drawing again?" He asks.

She walks over to her bed and sits down. "The doctor says I shouldn't be on my feet so much and not to stress. It's hard when you have a four year old boy who loves to play and a relationship…" She looks down. "What are we Lucas?"

He kneels down in front of her. "I don't know. What do you want us to be?"

"A family…" She softly whispers.

"We're trying aren't we?"

She nods her head with tears in her eyes.

"I know this might be too soon and you don't have to answer right now but what if I move back in? I can sleep in the living room until you're ready. That way I'll be here when she's born." He places his hand on her belly and rubs her stomach. "And you don't have to worry about taking care of her and Nicholas by yourself."

She looks at him with surprise. "Live here?" She barely speaks.

"It's just a thought…"

"It's not what I meant Lucas. I love you and of course I want us to be a family but are we ready? Is our relationship ready for that next step?"

"Like I said, I'll sleep in the living room until you're ready. This way we don't have to bring Nicolas and Elizabeth back and forth to your place and mine. They should have a home, one home. Just think about it okay?"

She nods her head, still in surprise.

"I should go. I have work tomorrow." He stands up in front of her.

She nods her head again.

"Peyton?"

She looks up, her eyes meeting his.

"I love you, too." He smiles.

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

He walks over to the door and closes it behind him. He smiles as he walks back towards her and her bed.


	43. Next Day

The bell on top of the doorframe rings when the door opens, a sign that people were entering or leaving. The café is packed with customers as lunch hour was always busy, second to dinner hours. He smiles gleefully as he enters his mom's café and waves to his best friend who was patiently waiting for a customer to choose what they wanted to eat. She smiles back quickly then turns back to her paper to write down an order.

She strolls back to the counter and hands the order to another waitress who places it on a stand for the cooks to see. Workers moved with ease, like clockwork, orders are taken, then cooked and then served. Customers got their food within ten to fifteen minutes, depending on what they ordered. Mostly people just wanted soup or salad, others wanted hamburgers or sandwiches, and a rare few wanted something from the breakfast menu even though it was already afternoon.

Slowly the number of customers starts to dwindle as lunch hour diminishes. The chattering came and left with them leaving the café silent once again.

Exhausted, she takes a seat next to her best friend who was enjoying his lunch with his mother.

"Hi Lucas. Hi Karen." She greets them as she sits down.

"Hi Hales. Tired?" He asks before taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"And hungry." She answers while picking up a french fry from his plate. "Is it okay if I take a break Karen? My feet are killing me." She continues before eating the fry.

"I have to get back to work as well. Take your lunch break Haley. There aren't a lot of customers right now. Sydney and I can handle this."

"Thank you Karen. I'll be back Lucas, I just want to place an order." She places her palms on the table and pushes her self up from her seat.

"Don't be silly Haley, sit down. I'll take your order."

"I can never get use to it." She smiles nervously.

"I may be your boss Haley but I'm also a waitress." She smiles reassuringly.

"I want a bowl of chili and salad with ranch dressing on the side. And water please."

"Your order should be here shortly. And I'm happy for you and Peyton. Why don't you three have dinner at my place this week?"

"We have plans tonight. How about tomorrow Ma?"

"That sounds good. I'll see you then." Karen stands up from the other side of the table and walks pass the counter and into the kitchen.

"You and Peyton?" Haley asks as she puts another fry in her mouth.

He takes another bite before answering his childhood best friend. "I was just updating my mom about Peyton's appointment yesterday. And well," his face turns red and a smile brightens up his face. "Peyton asked me to stay last night." He puts his sandwich down and turns towards his best friend. "It's not what you think. We just talked."

"Considering that she's twenty-four weeks pregnant I doubt anything else can happen." She giggles softly and hugs him quickly. "So what did you two talk about?" She asks as she picks another french fry from his plate and eats it.

"The future." He answers while smiling. "Our future. Me, her, Nicholas and Elizabeth. "

"I'm happy for you Lucas." She tells him then picks up his sandwich from his plate and takes a bite out of it.

He nods his head, his eyes looking beyond her. "We have a future. I'm moving back in with her and Nicholas soon. She just wants some time to get use to it. Now give me back my sandwich before you eat it all."

"I only took a bite! Here. I see my food." She puts his sandwich back down on his plate and waits for Sydney to bring her food and water.

"Thank you Sydney." She says happily as her food and water was set down in front of her.

"You're welcome. After your break I'm taking mine. I already told Karen."

"Okay." She answers before her co-workers walks away. "This looks delicious. Do you want some Lucas?"

"No, I'm stuffed." He answers after putting the last piece of sandwich in his mouth. "How are you and Nathan?" He asks after swallowing his food. "We didn't get to talk much when I asked him if he can take Peyton to her appointment yesterday but he did say he had something important to tell me. I haven't been able to talk to him yet. Do you know what it's about?"

She smiles. "Of course I do, he's my husband but we actually want to tell you together. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?"

"I'm having Peyton and Nicholas over for dinner at my place tonight. Why don't you and Nathan come over? But I'm warning you right now, it will just be pizza, Nicholas's favorite."

"That's fine. I'll tell Nathan when he gets home. I'll bring over some chocolate cake as well."

"Alright, sounds like a plan. I hate to cut this short but I have to get back to work. I'll see you two later. Bye Hales." He stands up from his seat and smiles as he leaves his mom's café.

* * *

He sets the boxes down, still hot from when he picked it up at the store. Two pizza boxes lay on the table, one large and one small. The large box contained pizza with a combination of meats and vegetables while the smaller box had a tiny pizza with pepperoni.

"Can we eat now Daddy?" Asked a small voice from behind him.

He turns around and finds his son by the doorway with his mom right behind him. He wanted to say no and to wait for his uncle and aunt but with a face like that it was hard to resist, especially when the love of his life was there with the same face, hungry.

He picks up the little box of pizza and hands it to his son. "Be careful son, it's hot. Put it on the table okay? I'll bring you some juice."

"Okay Daddy." He takes his box and goes back into the living room, leaving the two adults in the kitchen.

"You can go into the living room with Nicholas. I'll bring your pizza out there. How many slices do you want?" He asks her.

"I actually wanted to talk to you…" She looks behind her, watching her son as he puts the box of pizza on the coffee table. "He's growing up so fast." She watches as he sits down on his tiny chair that his father had bought for him.

"He is." He smiles, a pride from father to son.

She turns back towards the kitchen. "Can we talk?"

"Sure. What about?" He asks uneasily. Was she changing her mind about him moving in with them?

"About you moving in." She answers as her eyes starts to water.

"Oh." He says and looks down.

"I was just thinking. What if Nicholas and I move in here with you instead? You already have Elizabeth's nursery set up and Nicholas has his own room."

He looks up, his eyes meeting hers. "Here? At my house? But what about yours? You grew up there Peyton. I don't want you to give that up."

She sighs and looks down. The house was all she had left of her parents but it was the one place that reminded her of her sadness, losing both parents while at a young age. She wanted to stop hurting, to finally be happy. She looks back up from the floor, her eyes filled with tears. "Maybe it's time that I do. It's my parents house, not mine. For the longest time I held on to it because I wasn't ready to let them go but the longer I stay the harder it is for me to accept that they're gone. It's not my house anymore Luke."

"Are you sure? Peyton this is a huge step."

"I thought about it this morning after you left. I want a fresh start. I don't want to live in a house where I can't forget all the bad things in my life. I want to be able to move on and finally be happy."

"Are you really sure? Believe me there's nothing I'd love more but I just don't want you doing anything…"

"Stupid?" She finishes for him. She smiles as she walks over to him. "It's the only thing I've been thinking about since this morning. Over and over again I came up with the same answer. Unless you want to look for a new house and then move my stuff and yours but do you really want to do all of that?"

"I'll support whatever decision you make but I just want you to be sure. This is the house you grew up in Peyt. The one you didn't want to leave."

"I know but that was the past Lucas. I thought you'd be happy."

He takes her hand in his and brings it up his lips, kissing it. "Believe me when I say that I've been waiting for this for so long but this isn't just something you rush into. Why don't you give it some time? If you still feel the same way in a few days then okay. I will support you with no questions asked but just promise me you'll think about it first?"

"Just to indulge you, I will." She gets on her tiptoes and kisses him lightly on the lips. "Thank you Lucas, for everything."

"You're welcome." He answers as he kisses her back. "I know this is last minute but why don't you and Nicholas stay over tonight? I can sleep in the living room and you can sleep in my room."

"Don't be stupid, we'll both sleep in your room." She smiles.

* * *

She sits next to him, his arms around her as their son sits in front of them on his small chair. Her eyes were closing when she heard the sound of a doorbell. Sleepily she shifts her body the opposite side of his as he stands up to open the door for his guest.

They had called an hour ago saying they were going to be late because her husband was stuck at work. He told them that they would wait and that they were just watching a movie. Their son was wide awake when he heard the doorbell. He takes his eyes off the television screen and follows his dad, waiting for his aunt to come in with chocolate cake.

A light breeze enters the house when he opens the door. Two brunettes stood, one holding a pink box, could be dessert, the chocolate cake she said she was bringing and the other a case of beer, a six pack.

"Sorry we're late. I had to finish some things at work before I left." He raises his arm holding the bottle of beers. "Hope you don't mind I brought some beer."

"It's fine as long as Haley is driving home." He opens the door wider and they step into to the house, out of the night's cold air.

"She is. She made me promise before we left the house and it's actually more for celebration than for drinking. Hi Peyton...hi…"

"Uncle Nathan! Aunt Haley!" His tiny voice says in excitement.

"Hi Nicholas." They greet in unison as they step in further into the house. "Hi Peyton…" She continues. "We brought some cake."

"Can we eat it now?" He asks excitedly, his eyes growing big as his aunt opens the box and shows him the cupcakes with chocolate frosting. "Yummy."

"What do you say first Nicholas?" His tone firm, yet kind.

"Thank you Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan." He stands up and walks over to his mom who was standing by his father, in the middle of the room with the two other adults.

She looks down at her son, his eyes following the pink box his aunt was holding. "Honey go in the kitchen and pick a seat, we'll be right there okay?"

"Okay Mommy."

The four adults greeted each other and then made their way to the kitchen where a happy little boy sat.

"Are you two hungry? We still have some pizza left." Lucas asks.

"I'm starved." His younger brother answers.

"I am too." Haley answers as she puts the pink box down on the table in front of Nicholas.

"Only one Nicholas and before you go to bed you have to brush your teeth okay?"

"Yes Mommy." He answers as he takes a cupcake out of the box.

"Don't worry Peyton I'll make sure he brushes his teeth." He smiles as the thought of spending another night with his family made him happy.

"Lucas said you had something to tell him. I can stay here with Nicholas while you three talk in the living room."

"Peyton don't be silly, this news is for the both of you and for Nicholas as well." His voice was shaky, nervous even as he held his wife's hand in his. "But can we eat first?"

"Sorry, Nicholas and I ate already. We couldn't wait any longer." She looks down and rubs her belly. "Lucas can eat with you guys, he hasn't eaten yet. He was waiting for the both of you to get here."

"I can reheat the pizza in the oven if you guys want." She volunteered, feeling bad that she hadn't waited for the others.

"It's fine Peyton. Sorry, I'm just a bit nervous that's all. Maybe it's better we say it now than wait. Haley?" He turns to his wife.

She nods her head and smiles. "Nathan and I are having a baby…"

"Congratulations little brother!"

"Thanks man."

She had tears in her eyes. She usually wouldn't be this emotional but given that she was about six months pregnant she had every right to be. "I'm really happy for you two. Congratulations." She wipes her eyes.

"Thank you Peyton." She answers, her eyes filled with tears as well.

"How far along are you?" Lucas asks.

"The doctor said about six to seven weeks." His best friend answers.

"Congratulations again." He smiles. He turns to his son. "Did you hear that Nicholas? Your Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan are having a baby."

"Like Mommy?" He asks, putting down his cupcake. He looks up at his father and then the other adults.

"Yes son, just like your Mommy."

"Can I have more cupcake?" He asks, his face covered with chocolate frosting.

The five sat around the kitchen table, three eating pizza and the other two cupcake. His son sat on his lap due to the lack of chairs. Happily they enjoyed dinner together.


	44. Happiness Is A Choice

She draws the window blinds for the last time, letting the late afternoon sun enter her empty bedroom. The last box had just been carried out along with the rest of her things. Her decision was final the moment she made it and she knew with all her heart that it would be for the best for her and her family. This was it, her life was finally going the right path and with the people she truly loved, her family.

The big chip on her shoulder had finally come tumbling down, all the extra weight from the past was disappearing, slowly yet surely. She was now able to move on, to go forward and reach a destination she wished for long ago. True, there were so many bumps on the road but she still managed to get where she always wanted, to be with the one she always thought would be the love of her life. And for that she was thankful because he never gave up even when she had.

"Penny for your thoughts?" His voice breaks her train of thoughts as he comes into the room quietly.

She smiles before turning around to face him, the person she was thinking about. "You. I know I keep saying this but thank you Lucas, for everything. I don't know what I would have done without you and I mean it with all my heart when I say I love you."

"If it makes you happy, you can say it as many times you want. I don't mind it at all. I actually like hearing it because it makes everything real, that it isn't just a dream. I'm a very lucky guy with a great family. With everything we've been through, who would have thought…you know?"

She didn't know, at least not before, she did and yet she didn't. Her past was a mess and sometimes she wonders if she was the reason his life had been a mess. Their romantic relationship wasn't a fairy tale and she knew she was one of the reasons it didn't go as well as it should have. "I'm sorry Lucas for all the pain I've caused you." She says as her voice cracks. She wasn't the type to cry easily let alone breakdown every five minutes but somehow today, she couldn't manage to keep her tears away. Standing there, in front of him, she was never sorrier as she stares back into his blue eyes, remembering the pain she had once caused him. "I'm sorry…" She cries, placing her palms on her face, hiding her shame.

He slowly walks towards her, breathing heavily, aware of the mood swings she's been having lately. "It's all in the past." He tells her as he wraps his arms around her, hugging her and comforting her. "It's okay…" He whispers into her ear as she sobs continually on this his chest and soaking his shirt. "Peyton, honey, I didn't mean to make you cry. That's not what I meant. I'm just happy that everything is finally coming to place."

"I hurt you Luke…you and Nicholas…I was selfish…" She says through sobs, burying her face deeper onto his face as she holds onto him tighter.

"Listen to me Peyton, I love you. None of those things matter anymore. It's all in the past. I'm not angry or disappointed. I'm happy. You make me happy. I forgive you." He says softly, trying to reassure her.

"How can you forgive me after all the things I've put you through? I hurt you so much…"

"And you've also made me happy. I know that with the good comes the bad. Everything we've been through has its reason. We learn and move on. Through all of this the most important thing is to be able to forgive. I forgive you Peyton."

"You forgive me?" She asks with her lips against his chest.

"Of course I do." He kisses her forehead and rubs her back. "I love you and forgiving you is a part of that."

"What if you don't love me?" She asks as tears escapes from her eyes.

"That will never happen Peyton. You're the mother of my child and the love of my life and everything else in between. Everyday with you and Nicholas is a blessing, something I will never take for granted again. I love you, every single bit of you. The good, the bad, angst and all, that's who you are and I wouldn't change it for the world. I accept all the baggage you come with and all the issues you have, whatever they maybe, I'll be here with you every step of the way."

"I'm Sorry Luke…again…" She looks up, her teary eyes meeting his majestic blue eyes, glistening from setting sun.

"Are you having second thoughts?"

She shakes her head. "No, God, no. The opposite. This place just reminds me of all the bad things…and I…I…don't know…I should have left this house a long time ago…" She sighs. "I'm glad I'm doing this Luke, please believe me. I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."

"Shut up…" He whispers and leans down to kiss her on her lips.

"You're lucky I love you." She replies back.

"Let's get out of here."

She nods her head and takes his hand as they step out of the room, leaving the sad memories behind her.

* * *

The two Scott boys are wearily bringing in boxes from the rented truck as their pregnant significant others relaxes in the living room. The two women sits on one couch as the youngest Scott lay in the other sleeping, tired from all the running around he had done when his mom's house was being emptied earlier. To the four adults it was leaving memories behind and to him it was moving in with his daddy. They were finally a family.

"I'm so excited." She squeals. "Is this how it's like to be pregnant?" She turns her head to blonde whose stomach was beginning to be the size of a basketball.

"Only you Haley James." She smiles back as they watch the two men in their life go in and out of the house, bringing with them boxes and small furniture's. "I was scared and still am but that's the part that's still insecure about certain things."

"You and Lucas are fine now. I mean you two are living together! This is just all too exciting. You and I are both having babies and you're finally moving in with Lucas!" She says excitedly. "And today earlier when we were at the store I kept getting distracted by the baby clothes. Lucas had to keep pulling me away. It's his fault though. I mean who takes a pregnant woman to a department store and not expect her to look at baby clothes? He was the one that asked me to help him get some sheets for your bed but those baby clothes were so cute. You should have seen them Peyton. I already have an outfit picked out for Elizabeth."

"Haley! You already did that last time with Nicholas. You spoil my kids too much. You do realize that pay is a bitch right? Do you know how hard it is to put a kid to sleep when he's eaten about a dozen chocolate chip cookies?"

She stifles a laugh as she remembers the day she had fed her nephew cookies when babysitting him. She had missed out on these things when she was a child due to the large size of her family and she didn't want her nephew to miss out on it.

"I'm sorry, I really am Peyton but how do you say no to that face? I was baking cookies and he wanted one and another and then another…it was really hard to say no. He's very lucky to have you and Lucas as parents. I just wish Nathan and I can be as good as you two."

"You will be Haley. You grew up in a big family and you helped raise our son. You and Nathan will be great parents. I'm very thankful to have all of you in my life." She says as the tears from earlier starts to come back in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me, I've been crying all day long."

"Is anything wrong?" She asks with concern as she moves closer to her friend. "What's the matter Peyton?"

"Nothing, everything is finally okay and I'm just happy but it's just all overwhelming. I don't really know much about happiness you know? All this weight is finally off my shoulders and I don't know what to do. For the first time in years I'm finally truly happy and it's really hard to take in. I'm so stupid." She giggles and cries at the same time. "I'm happy and instead of smiling I'm cryin."

"But it's good to be happy right?"

"Of course it is Hales but like I said I'm just not use to it. I mean there were times especially when Nicholas was first born but I was also nervous then and this is different. I just…after all these years it's all coming together. I've pictured it before but I never thought that it would actually come true. Sometimes it still feels like a dream especially when I wake up in his room next to him. I couldn't be happier but sometimes I wonder where does it go from here?"

"It'll go wherever you want it to go but don't let the negative thoughts get in the way of your happiness. If you let it, let happiness in, it'll take you to places you never thought existed. I'm not talking about fairytales and prince charming but family and friends that care about you as much as you care about them. Love and happiness can only exist if you believe in them. Keep it close and if you think it's slipping away just look at your family and friends, we're always going to be here for you."

"Thank you Haley and I'm sorry…"

"There's nothing to be sorry about Peyton. Don't ever be sorry for who you are. I'm glad to have you in my life and I'm happy that Lucas found someone like you. You gave him the most amazing gift a person can give. You gave him Nicholas and soon Elizabeth, if you don't know by now the guy is head over heels in love with you. He'll turn this world upside down if it makes you happy."

"I know…but…"

"No buts. Lucas loves you and you deserve to be happy. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get but so what? It beats being sad all the time, feeling like there's no where but down. If this is all there is then I'm glad I found happiness and that I have family to share it with. Take it slowly. There's no need to rush. Lucas will wait until you're ready. Until then just relax. Spend some time with Lucas and go have fun with Nicholas because you know once Elizabeth comes it'll be all about her."

She takes a deep breath. "Just be happy."

"Exactly. Just be happy! Did I mention I can't wait?"

"Here we go again…"

"I'm serious Peyton…the dress…so adorable…The baby shower! I mentioned it to Lucas and he said you didn't want one. Well that's not going to be happen, not when you have me as a best friend. It can just be the six of us. Nothing fancy, just the family. We can have it at the café. I'm sure Karen wouldn't mind. We'll do it after it closes. Have dinner and have some gifts. Of course we'll get something for Nicholas too. What do you say?"

"I'm sure you wont take no for answer will you?"

"Hell no, of course not! We can have it next Sunday! Oh my gosh, I have to start planning…let me go tell the boys! Lucas…Nathan…" Her voice drifts off as she follows the two boys outside, leaving the blonde inside.

* * *

"Hales did you force Peyton into this baby shower?" He asks his wife as he enters their bedroom with a glass of water that she had asked for.

He hands her the glass of water before laying down beside her on their bed, facing her as she did the same.

"Of course not! Well I did mention that I wouldn't take no for an answer and it's not like it's an actual baby shower. It's more like a get together with gifts to help them out with the baby. We also have to get something for Nicholas as well. I don't want him to feel left out."

"I know you care about them but is this something Peyton wants? You know how she is, she hates being the center of attention and being fussed about."

"Don't worry Nathan, it'll be fine. She already made me promise that there wouldn't be any pinks, clothes are fine but not the decorations. How can you have a baby shower for a girl without pink? Oh well, I'll think of something."

"You know payback is a bitch right hun? She'll probably throw you a baby shower and have it be in black and blue just to annoy you."

"I'll make sure Lucas keeps an eye on her and besides that's months from now. I'll worry about it then."

"You always surprise me. No matter how bad things might be you always seem to see the upside."

"That's because there is no downside here. They're living together and having another baby. And then soon we're having our own baby…everything is falling into place. All of the pieces to this big puzzle are coming together. Someday it'll be complete but until then we can continue put it together, one by one as a family."

"You are one amazing and crazy girl." He softly laughs. "I love you Hales, always and forever."

"I love you too Nathan, always and forever."

* * *

She closes her eyes hoping that sleep would soon come but instead her left side starts to feel numb again. She hated it, not being able to sleep on her back and instead she had to keep switching sides. It wasn't the worse part of being pregnant but it was one thing she disliked. Slowly she turned to her right side, facing him once again.

"Lucas…are you asleep…" She whispers close to her ears.

"Yes…" He answers playfully.

"Did I wake you?"

"It's okay, I couldn't sleep. Is everything okay?"

"I can't feel my left side and my stomach is the size of a basketball. I can barely see my toes and my back starts to hurt when I'm up for more than thirty minutes but other than that everything is fine. I'm happy and not even the pain of pregnancy can take that away."

"That's good, well not all the pain you're having but about you being happy."

"I am. You know Haley is a very insightful person."

"Yes she is. She's a happy person and she'll do anything to see you happy. And speaking of…are you okay with the baby shower?"

"At first I wasn't sure but not because I hate it, I just don't like being the center of attention but then Haley and I talked about it some more and I think it's not a bad idea. It'll just be the six of us so it's not like it's a party."

"As long as you're okay with it."

"I am but can you make sure she doesn't have everyone wearing pink. I told her no pink decorations but it was okay to wear pink and bring pink gifts."

"I promise not to wear pink."

"Thank you Lucas."

"You're welcome."

"Good night." She whispers and kisses him lightly on the lips. She closes her eyes and falls asleep quickly.


	45. 32 Weeks

She opens her eyes and slowly gets up from the bed hoping that she wouldn't wake up Lucas. It was the second time she awoke from her sleep and it was barely four o'clock in the morning.

"Pey?" He asks groggily.

"I'm just going to the bathroom. Go back to sleep Luke."

"Okay." He answers back sleepily.

Quietly she walks out of the room and walks across the hallway and into the bathroom once more.

The bathroom door opens with a squeak and the light illuminates the hallway for a second before moving the switch down to off. She stands still by the bathroom doorway and lets her eyes adjust to the darkness of the house. She crosses the hallway in a diagonal and walks into her son's room. She stands in the dark and watches her son as he sleeps peacefully in his bed that looked just like his parents. Very slowly she bends over and kisses him on his forehead before walking out.

The floorboard creaks underneath her feet as she walks back to the bedroom she shares with Lucas. She finds him deep in sleep and snoring loudly. She turns around and walks away, not wanting to disturb him and wake him up.

The house was silent and still as she walks through the dark hallway. She holds her arms up to touch the wall, letting it guide her to the empty living room. She manages to find her way around the living room with the help of the moonlight coming in through the window and with caution she slowly lays down on the couch.

She reaches with her long arm for the remote on the coffee table and turns on the television. She lowers the volume and searches for a show that she can sleep to. Her eyes start to droop down causing the people on the television screen to blur. She closes her eyes and soon falls asleep.

The sunlight invades the living room, waking her up as it hits her eyes continually. She opens and her eyes and was greeted with two blue ones staring back at her.

She rubs her eyes. "How long have you been here?" She says sleepily and yawns.

"I should ask you the same thing." He replies back with concern. His facial expression changes from worry to brooding. "Are we okay?"

She sits up from the couch and he sits next to her, facing her.

"Are we Peyton?" He asks again.

"Of course we are Luke. Why would you ask that?"

He shrugs his shoulder. "You didn't go back to bed and you slept on the couch instead."

"I didn't want to wake you because I know you have to wake up early for work. It's not because I didn't want to." She reaches for his hand and entwines it. "I love you Lucas and I promise nothing's ever going to change that."

"I love you too Peyt but promise me you'll go back to bed next time. I don't care if you wake up me. I don't want you sleeping here on the couch. We're both in this together. If you can't sleep then I won't sleep either. I want to help you out as much as I can. Is your back okay? Come on let's get you back to the bedroom."

"I'm fine Luke. I didn't sleep here for long. It was just a couple of hours. Get ready for work and I'll go make you some breakfast."

"The only thing you'll be doing this morning is lying down on the bed. Come on I'll help you." He stands up from the couch with their hands still entwine.

"I'm okay Luke. I promise. If something changes or if I feel a slight twinge of pain you'll be the first to know but stop worrying so much. I'm fine and the baby is fine."

"Are you sure?" He lets go of her hand and squats down in front of her, their eyes leveled.

"Yes." She smiles. "Get ready for work or else you'll be late."

"Work can wait."

"Everything is fine Lucas." She combs his hair with her fingers. "What's on your mind?" She asks.

"Do you want to marry me?"

"Are you asking me?" She asks as her voice quivers.

He looks into her eyes and answers. "I want to. Not at this moment but in the future. I love you Peyton and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our children." He sighs and pauses. "I don't want to lose you again Peyt."

"You're not going to lose me Lucas. I'm not running away this time. I know I've made a mess of things before but this is me trying my best to make things right with us. A part of me will always be scared but that's because I'm afraid to lose you Luke. Something inside me says 'leave before he does' but I know better now. I was wrong when I thought 'people always leave' because not everyone does and it's me that pushes them away. I'm not trying to push you away nor do I want to. Right now I just want to concentrate on Nicholas and delivering a healthy baby."

"I understand." He answers and stands up.

"Lucas." She grabs his hand and stands up. "I'm not saying I don't want to marry you because I do but right now I can't worry about a gown, flowers, caterers and whatever else is involved with planning a wedding. I want to focus on our children and their needs. I don't want Nicholas to feel left out because we have new baby. We may not have the documents to say we're husband and wife but I know how I feel and believe me when I say I love you more than anyone in this world. You have given me the most beautiful gift I can ever ask for." She pauses and wipes her tears away. "I don't want Elizabeth to feel the same way Nicholas did when I left because I couldn't figure out my own life. You three are my world and I don't ever want to lose that."

"You want to marry me?" He whispers.

"Of course I do Luke." She smiles. "I would kiss you but," she points to her stomach that was protruding out and getting in the way.

He smiles back and moves to her side. He leans and kisses her on the lips.

"Get ready for work and we'll continue this conversation when you get back home."

"Okay." He answers. "I'll call you during my lunch break. Remember what the doctor said, less on your feet and more resting. Haley will stop by later to help you watch Nicholas."

"Lucas she's pregnant too."

"I know but Ma gave her less hours and she gets bored at their house so Nathan told her to come here. She's here to make sure you stay put and not walk around so much. Also, please make sure that she doesn't either."

"We will be on our best behavior."

"Just stay in bed and watch some movies. I'll call Haley and tell her to bring some food when she goes here so you don't have to worry about making lunch for Nicholas. I also talked to him last night and asked him to help Mommy by putting his toys away when he's done playing."

"Luke…" She starts to protest.

"He's not a baby anymore Peyton. He's going to be an older brother soon."

"He's growing up so fast."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes." She whispers as tears roll down her cheeks. "I'm okay, its just pregnancy hormones." She smiles and wipes the tears off her face.

He takes her in his arms and hugs her. "I love you Peyton."

"I love you too, Lucas."


	46. Scott

She picks up her sketchpad and balances it on her stomach, a task she's been doing for the past week ever since she was put on bed rest by her doctor. A precaution she knew her doctor would be taking given her history of pregnancy. The same had happened in the last month of pregnancy with Nicholas and she dreaded every minute of it knowing that Lucas wouldn't be able to spend time with her but instead would be at work.

She takes her pencil and places the tip on the blank sheet of paper that has been staring at her for the last hour. Her blonde hair falls over her eyes as she stares down at the paper, the same one that had been empty for the past week.

"Penny for your thoughts." A familiar female voice asks.

She looks up from her blank paper, her eyes watery from the emptiness of the paper and the stillness of the house.

"Are you okay?" Haley asks with worry on her face and concern in her voice.

She gently wipes the tears off her face and smiles politely at her guest. "I'm okay." She removes the sketchpad from her stomach and places it down on the bedside drawer along with the pencil she was holding.

"Your tears say otherwise." Haley carefully walks over to the bed while keeping a close eye on her friend who she knew all to well. "May I?" She asks as she points to the bed.

"I'm okay Haley. I promise. Sit. What brings you by?"

She removes her shoes, taking them off before she sat upright next to one of her best friends. "I was just wondering how you were. Sorry it took a while."

"You don't have to be sorry. I know you're busy. I understand. I'm just glad you came by." She looks at her friend, the only face she's seen in hours.

"So how are you holding up?"

"The silence is killing me. I never thought I'd say this but I miss Nicholas running and screaming around the house even though I've told him multiple times not to. I just miss all the little things I was able to do you know? Lucas won't even let me cook. He only allows me to go to the bathroom and I can't even shower unless he's in the house. He's worse than the doctor." She sighs and looks away for a second before turning back her attention to Haley. "I know Lucas cares but I hate being alone. It's driving me crazy."

"It's Lucas, he worries. He just wants you and the baby to be safe. He even has Nathan worrying about me and the baby but good thing my husband is easy to persuade."

"I love him for it but this," she points at the empty house. "I can't take anymore of it. I'll go insane if I have to go through another week of this loneliness."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"I don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings." A solitary tear falls from her eye. She quickly wipes it away and looks down at her stomach. "He's so excited about the baby and everything else. He wakes up earlier than usual just so he can get Nicholas ready in the morning and cook breakfast before dropping him off to his Mom's." She smiles for a second and continues. "I know I'm a lucky girl and I'm not complaining about it but its Lucas I'm worried about. When he gets home from work he's the one who does all the chores and I just sit here while he waits on me. I know he's tired but he won't admit it. He'll burn out soon if he keeps it up and I don't want that to happen. I'm worried about what will happen to him when Elizabeth is born."

"He's Lucas. He just wants everyone to be okay and he'll do anything to make it happen. He cares too much which might be his only kryptonite. Sometimes he forgets he's human too but every hero has to have an Achilles heel and this is his. I know it can be frustrating since he can be stubborn but he's also very loving and caring. I'm sure he'll understand."

"I hope so."

"Trust me Peyton, he will. He loves you too much to not listen to your opinion." Haley looks at her best friend with a thought in her head. "You are right, he does need a break. Tell you what. Let me pick up Nicholas and we'll get some food on our way back so Lucas doesn't have to prepare dinner. If it's okay with you both, Nathan and I can babysit Nicholas for the night. It'll be good practice for us and that way you and Lucas will have some alone time. In the morning I can stop by before work and we can just hang out and have some girl time while Nicholas plays."

"I'll talk to Lucas about Nicholas spending the night with you and Nathan but I'm sure he wouldn't mind. To be honest it sounds like a great idea. Lucas and I haven't really been able to spend some time alone and when we are we usually just talk about Nicholas and Elizabeth."

"That just makes you two great parents."

"Speaking of, how are you and Nathan?"

"We're nervous wrecks. We've only babysat Nicholas a few times and most of the time he was just watching a movie or asleep. Nathan grew up as the only child and I had way too many siblings so I would usually come over to Lucas's house. We don't really have any experience with babies."

"Lucas and I didn't either but we did okay because we had help. Anytime you two need help don't hesitate to call us."

"Trust me you'll be my second phone call. First would be the doctor and then you guys. I'd call my parents but you know how they can be, they're a little loopy sometimes."

The two girls laugh as they think back to high school, when Haley's parents would make special appearances during certain occasions.

"They were pretty funny and as you said loopy." The blonde recalls. "But they managed to raise you and your siblings so that should count for something."

"They're my parents and I love them no matter what but they will not be left alone with my child. It would be hard to tell who the child is. They're not bad but I wouldn't exactly name my kid after them." She smiles at her best friend, short of a laughter.

"So have you and Nathan figured out names yet?"

"We've talked about it. We were thinking of using both of our first initials. If it's a boy we'll name him Noah Holden Scott and if it's a girl we'll name her Nicole Haven Scott."

"Really?"

"We know it's not one of those modern names you hear all the time but that's not who we are."

"It's good. I like it. It's different and unique. Lucas and I weren't exactly very creative. We named Nicholas after both of our grandfathers."

"It's still a very lovely name, Nicholas Ethan Scott."

* * *

A lone light in the hallway lit the quiet bedroom. The sun had just set, leaving the house dim in most areas. Two adults lay in bed, lying on their side facing each other.

She lies fast asleep as he tries to stay awake, quietly fighting off sleep as he waits for her to wake from her nap. Groggily she opens her eyes and sees a hazy image in front of her.

His hair was unruly, his body fatigued as he tries to fight off the tiredness in his eyes and the weariness in his voice. "Hi."

"Hey you." She manages to get out.

"I'm sorry." He tells her.

She shakes her head. "There's nothing to be sorry about Lucas."

"You're not mad at me?" He asks in a sad tone, almost childlike.

"Oh, Luke." She brushes his face with her fingertips. "I understand your intentions and that you were just trying to help but its lonely here when you and Nicholas are both away. I know it's just for a few hours but that's a few too many. I hate being alone."

"Honey, you're not alone."

"It feels like it when both of you aren't home and it's too quiet in the house. I feel like I'm about to go crazy when I have to go through it day after day." She wipes the tears forming in her eyes. "I miss the both of you when you're gone and you know I would never make a big deal out of nothing or maybe it's the added hormones but it sucks to have to be home alone with nothing to do but sit here in this bed all day long."

"You can lie down too if you want."

"Lucas, I'm serious."

"I know." He half smiles. "I was just trying to lighten the mood. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I saw how excited you were. I didn't know how to tell you without hurting your feelings. I know I've done too much of that in the past. It's just four more weeks until Elizabeth is born and I thought I would be able to handle it but it turns out I was wrong. Then I see you do everything and how tired you are and that worries me. You don't have to do it all. I can help, too."

"You shouldn't worry about me Peyt it's bad for you and the baby."

"Someone has to Luke. I love you for who you are and everything you do but sometimes I wish you would stop worrying so much about others and worry about yourself instead. When you're too busy protecting others who's there to protect you?"

"You." He answers honestly. "You're the one who keeps me grounded and keeps me still when it feels like the world is about to crumble underneath my feet. I know we've had a trouble past but you were always the one that kept me motivated even if you didn't know it."

"Luke…I…" She says as tears fall from her eyes.

"I am who I am because of you and everything I do is for you and our family. You're a vital part of my life and I don't want to lose that because I wouldn't know what to do if I lost you again. I know I might have gone overboard by not letting you do anything but sit here in this room. Everyday I see you hurting when you're up on your feet taking care of me and Nicholas. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant but I know what it feels like to have your back hurt and your feet ache from being up all day. I never meant to take Nicholas away from you. I just wanted to give you some peace before Elizabeth was born. I never meant to make you feel alone. I just thought you'd enjoy some time to yourself before another baby arrives in this house. It wasn't easy the first time and it won't be any easier now since we have two kids to take care of but I promise to do everything I can to be a great father."

"You're already a great father and I know you'll also make a great husband."

"Do you want to marry me Peyton?"

"You know that I do."

"I mean…Do you want to marry me?" He takes out a black velvet box from his pants pocket. "I know this isn't the perfect time or the right place but with all that we've been through I just don't want to take anything for granted. Will you marry me?"

She nods her head and wipes away hear tears. "Yes I'll marry you."

He puts on the ring with shaky fingers and leans over to kiss her. "You're stuck with me now."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
